EBOLA MONKEY NOTE: This is the Nigerian Scammer that started it all for me. It is a long one so I had to break it up into two parts. He was a good one to start with because no matter what I said or did, he stuck with me. Thank you Albert you idiot.
From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Oct. 21)
FROM THE DESK:
CHIEF ACCOUNTING OFFICER
ATTENTION:PRESIDENT,
I AM DR. ALBERT FREDTHE CHIEF
ACCOUNTING OFFICER OF A BANK. THE FINANCIAL STATEMENT OF OUR BANK IS OVER US$130,000,000.00
(ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS) AND THE CURRENT ASSETS
OF OUR BANK IS RELATIVELY LIQUID RESOURCES. THIS CATEGORIES INCLUDES CASH, INVESTMENTS
IN MARKETABLE SECURITIES, RECEIVABLE, INVENTORIES AND PREPAID EXPENSES. IN RECENT
YEARS THE ANNAUL REVENUE OF OUR BANK HAS EXCEEDED TO US$200,000,000.00 (TWO HUNDRED
THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS) AND MY RESPONSIBITY IS FOR ME TO MAINTAIN ADEQUATE
MONETARY INTERNAL CONTROL, CONTROLLING THE BANK CASH POSITION, BUDGETTING AND
FOR THE PREPARATION OF ACCOUNTING RECORDS AND FINANCIAL STATEMENT.
THE NUMBER OF CAPITAL SHARES
WHICH HAS BEEN ISSUED FOR THE YEAR 2002 IS UNDER MY JURISDICTION IS US$80,000,000.00
AND THE OUTSTANDING SHARE THAT IS PRESENTLY UNDER MY CONTROL AND SUPERVISION
IS US$15,000,000.00 ( FIFTEEN MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS). WE ARE IN THE LAST
QUARTER OF THE YEAR 2002 AND I NEED A RELIABLE FOREIGN PARTNER THAT WILL ASSIST
ME TO TRANSFER THE 15M FUND INTO HIS BANK ACCOUNT. I HAVE MANAGERIAL AUTHORITY
TO TRANSFER THIS FUND INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT BY ELECTRONIC WIRE TRANSFER. I NEED
THE FOLLOWING BANKING INFORMATION:
1. THE NAME OF YOUR BANK
2. THE BANK ADDRESS
3. THE BANK ACCOUNT
4. THE BANK ROUTING/SWIFT
CODE
5. THE BANK BENEFICIARY
6. YOUR COMPANY NAME
7. YOUR PRIVATE TELEPHONE,FAX
AND MOBILE NUMBER FOR EASY COMMUNICATION.
WITH THE ABOVE INFORMATION,
I WILL EFFECT THE PAYMENT OF US$45,000,000:00 DOLLARS INTO YOUR NOMINATED BANK
ACCOUNT AND THIS WILL ONLY TAKE US 24 BANKING WORKING HOURS TO EXECUTIVE THIS
FINANCIAL BUSINESS TRANSACTION THAT WILL BENEFIT BOTH PARTIES. WE HAVE AGREED
TO SHARE THE FUND AS FOLLOW: 30% WILL BE GIVING TO YOU HAS THE OWNER OF THE ACCOUNT
WHERE THE FUND WILL BE TRANSFER AND 60% WILL BE FOR ME AND 10% FOR VALUE ADDED
TAX THAT WILL BE REQUIRED BY YOUR BANK OFFICIAL.
THE BANK WILL SEND YOU VALID
CONCRETE AUTHORIZATION DOCUMENT AND TELEX CONFIRMATION WILL BE SEND TO YOUR BANK
AND FOR YOU TO VARIFY FROM YOUR BANK AS SOON AS THE FUND HIT YOUR BANK ACCOUNT.
NOTE: Please kindly state
your early response immediately on this E mail:fred@euroseek.com for more details
on the modalities involves and this business is for your eye only and it is top
secret you have to keep strictly confidential.
I WILL BE EXPRECTING YOUR
URGENT COMPLIANCE AND FEED BACK.
YOURS TRULY,
DR. ALBERT FRED
E MAIL:albertfred16@hotmail.com
From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Oct. 21)
I want to help you, but unfortunately I do not have a savings or checking account. Is it possible to have a check sent to me directly? I would then use this check to open a bank account (Key Bank has free checking for a limited time so please hurry). I am very excited about this opportunity. I have never been good with money so you can only imagine how happy I got when I read your email. My grin is ear to ear baby. I know you said this is confidential but I had to share it with my friend Brad Fairyman. He was a little skeptical but I told him "NO BRAD , I will not let you rain on my parade! " He thinks I should ask you for proof but I said "the proof's in the check. Yeah baby!" Between me and you Albert, Brad has always been a little jealous of me ever since my promotion. I'll tell you that story another time though.
Anyways, do you ever see yourself coming out to Barlow, Oregon (Pop. 125). I was born and raised here so I can show you all the hot spots. You are a nice guy and I think you would like it here. With this new money your sending me, I'd love buy a drink at Flash Dancers (a fine eating establishment located just off the interstate). My wife Agnus works there. Meeting Agnus was the best thing that has ever happened to me until now. I think you will like her.
Anyway Albert, let me know if you can send a check and I will tell you where to send it. I don't want you to send it to my house because I would like to surprise Agnus. You see, her weight has ballooned from 145 to 190 in the past two years and she really wants to join that Jenny Craig program. I always told her, "NO AGNUS, it's too expensive and this is the weight that our lord and savior Jesus Christ wants you at." Now with this money, I can make her dream come true. Jeez Ablert, you are like our guardian angel or something.
Thanks
Mike
From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Oct. 22)DEAR MIKE,
WHAT IS YOUR TEL AND FAX
NUMBER.PLEASE KINDLY SEND IT TO ME NOW.I KOWN YOU VERY RESPONSIBLE AND RELIABLE
MAN,I TRUST YOU MR MIKE.
ALBERT FRED.
From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Oct. 22)
DEAR MIKE,
IN REGARDS TO YOU E MAIL
MESSAGE, I APPRECIATE YOUR EFFORT IN ASSISTING ME IN THIS FINANCIAL BUSINESS
TRANSACTION. I NEED YOUR BANKING INFORMATION TO SECURE APPROVAL FROM THE GLOBLING
BANK INFAVOUR OF YOUR NAME HAS THE BONAFIDE BENEFICIARY OF THE SAID FUND. IMMEDIATELY
I RECEIVE YOUR BANKING INFORMATION, THE FINAL FUND RELEASE AUTHORITY ORDER AND
THE REMITTANCE ADVICE WILL BE SEND TO YOU. THE BANK CHAIRMAN WILL CONTACT
YOU AND YOU MUST ACT ACCORDING TO THE
INSTRUCTION GIVEN TO YOU
BY THE CHAIRMAN FOR EFFECTIVE TRANSFER OFTHE FUND INTO YOUR NOMINATED BANK ACCOUNT.
THE FUND WILL BE TRANSFER BY ELECTRONIC WIRE TRANSFER INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT
WITHIN 24 BANKING WORKING HOURS AND THIS FUND WILL HIT YOUR ACCOUNT SAME TIME
SAME
DAY. YOU WILL RECEIVE TELEX
CONFIRMATION FROM THE BANK FOR YOU TO VARIFY FROM YOUR BANK.
AS SOON AS THE FUND HIT YOUR
BANK ACCOUNT, I WILL BE COMING OVER TO YOUR COUNTRY TO MEET YOU IN PERSON FOR
THE DISBURSEMENT OF THE FUND ACCORDING TO THIS PERCENTAGE. 30% WILL BE GIVEN
TO YOU AS THE OWNER OF THE ACCOUNT WHERE THE MONEY WILL BE TRANSFER AND 60% WILL
BE FOR ME AND 10% FOR INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL EXPENSES THE BOTH PARTIES WILL INCURED
DURING THE BUSINESS TRANSACTION. MY 60% OF THE FUND WILL BE USE FOR INVESTMENT
OPPORTUNITY IN YOUR COUNTRY THAT WILL GENERATEMORE CAPITAL IN THE MERE FUTURE.THIS
FINANCIAL BUSINESS TRANSACTION IS FOR YOUR EYES ONLY AND DO NOT DISCLOSE IT TO
ANYBODY TILL THE FUND HIT YOUR BANK ACCOUNT. THIS IS TOP BANK SECRET THAT YOU
MUST KNOW THAT AS MY TRUSTED FOREIGN PARTNER.
LET TRUST AND HONESTY BE
OUR WATCH WORD THROUGHOUT THIS PENDING MUTUAL BENEFICIARY TRANSACTION THAT WILL
BENEFIT BOTH PARTIES. KINDLY SEND ME YOUR PRIVATE TEL, FAX NUMBER AND MOBILE
NUMBER SO THAT I CAN CALL YOU FOR FURTHER DISCUSSION. MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR
FAMILY.
I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR
URGENT COMPLIANCE.
DR. ALBERT FRED
From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Oct. 23)
Albert,
I
can't tell you how excited I was to find 2 emails from you in my computer this
morning. I know I'm supposed to keep this secret, but I couldn't help but
to tell Agnus (my wife) about your email. She was so excited, she took
me out to dinner at a restaurant called Roy Rogers.
Anyway,
I've been so excited, but I'm kind of scared too. As I said before, my
friggin' friend Brad Fairyman always tells me to be careful about things, and
I promised I would. Now, listen here Albert, I BELIEVE YOU. I want
to help you but I have a couple of questions:
1. I
noticed your name changed between emails. Your first email you were Albert
Fredthe (Chief Accounting Officer). Now your just Albert Fred. What
happened? Personally, I think Fredthe is a beautiful name, so I would go
with that.
2. As
I said before, I want to help you, but don't currently have a bank account. Rumor
has it that Key Bank is going to give me $10 to open up a checking account in
November, so I might wait until then
3. Brad
suggested that I get some type of picture of you or something, just so I know
you're real. If you can email me one, that would be great. (Try not
to be laying down in the picture, my wife might get the wrong idea).
Anyway
Albert, I have to get going so that I can work on the car (I think the Carburetor
is acting up again). I can't wait for you to see it. It's a Chevy
Nova with peanut butter interior. A real beauty! I know ever since Jeff
(my real dad) left, I have trust issues (or so my guidance counselor used to
say), BUT I DO TRUST YOU. Please be patient with me because I want to help
you. If there is one word to describe me, it is "HELPING OTHERS".
Thank
you.
Mike
PS
- Are you a doctor as well? I noticed you sign your name with DR. Is
being a CHIEF ACCOUNTING OFFICER a hobby for you? If you are a doctor, Agnus
has a condition I'd like to talk to you about. I'll wait for your response
just in case the DR. stands for something else. Let me know.
From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Oct. 23)
DEAR MIKE,
I APPRECIATE YOUR EFFORT
IN REPLYING ME IN THIS PENDING MUTUAL BENFICIARY BUSINESS TRANSACTION THAT WILL
BENEFIT BOTH PARTIES. SINCE YOU ARE TO OPEN THE NEW ACCOUNT IN NOVEMBER.PLEASE
KEEP THIS BUSINESS STRICLY CONFIDENTIAL.I TRUST YOU AND I KOWN YOU ARE A MAN
OF INTERGRITY AND
I HOPE TO SEE YOU ONE ON
ONE AS SOON AS THE FUND IS TRANSFER INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT.
WE ARE GOING TO SHARE THE
PERCENTAGE AS FOLLOWS 40% WILL BE FOR YOU THE OWNER OF THE ACCOUNT WHILE 50%
FOR ME AND 10% FOR TAX THAT WILL ARAISE DURING THE BUSINESS TRANSACTION.MY SHARE
WILL BE USE FOR LARGE SCALE INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY THAT WILL BENEFIT BOTH
PARTIES BECUASE YOU WILL BE INCHARGE OF THE BUSINESS AND YOU OWN THE RIGHT BUSINESS
TO ESTABLISH WITH MY FUND.
I WILL SEND YOU MY PICTURE
WITH MY FAMILY. PLEASE CONFIRM YOUR TEL AND MOBILE NUMBER FOR ME.
MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR
FAMILY AND HAVE A NICE DAY.
ALBERT FRED.
NOTE:KINDLY SEND ME YOUR
TEL ,FAX AND MOBILE NUMBER FOR EASY COMMUNICATION.
From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Oct. 24)
Dear
Albert,
I
have attached a photo of my wife (Agnus) and I. This is a glamour shot
so it was expensive. You should feel lucky to have a copy of it. We
had to drive all the way to Portland, OR. That was the same day we bought
these matching Ruff Ryders medallions. Are you a DMX fan? Agnus and
I always pretend that I'm DMX and she is EVE. RUFF RYDERS! WE IN HERE!
Anyways,
I thought you were going to send me a photo of your family?
I
was thinking, if this is such secret information, shouldn't we talk in secret
code? Lets at least stop using our real names. From this point forward,
I want to be Mr. Bo Jangles. I will also refer to my wife Agnus as Elle
MacPherson. I think you should pick a name. I have five suggestions
if you don't have anything in mind:
1. Mr.
Bukkake
2. Ryan
3. Lil'
Homey
4. Apple
Jack
5. 008
If
you like one of those names, let me know ASAP. Also, is it safe to talk
by phone. How can you tell if a line is secure. Elle MacPhearson
says she thinks our phone is tapped because she always hears two clicks when
she talks to her girlfriends.
I
have to go my friend,
Mr.
Bo Jangles
PS
- Have you seen the new Christina Aguilera video. I
think it's cool but Elle MacPherson thinks she looks like a slut.
From Albert
Fred to Mike Hunt (Oct. 24)
I AM VERY HAPPY TO
HEAR FROM YOU MR BO JANGLES I AM NOW MR .BUKKAKE,I LIKE
THE NAME AND I WANT US TO
BEFOVER PARTNER IN BUSINESS AND IN FRIENDSHIP.I
TRUST YOU AND I LOVE YOUR
WAYS.I LIKE RUFF RYDERS AS WELL AND WITH P.DIDDY
I WANT YOU TO REPLY ME BY
E MAIL I WILL LIKE YOU TO COMMUNICATE WITH ME ON E
MAIL.I WANT YOU TO SEND ME
YOUR BANK SO THAT THIS FUND WILL BE TRANSFER INTO
YOUR BANK ACCOUNT.PLEASE
ALWAYS GET INTOUCH WITH ME ON THIS E MAIL.I AM VERY
HAPPY FOR YOUR WONDERFUL
REPLY AND I LOVE YOU.
I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR
REPLY .HAVE A NICE DAY WITH YOUR WIFE.
MR .BUKKAKE
From Mike
Hunt to Albert Fred (Oct. 25)
Dear
Mr. Bukkake,
I'm
glad to hear that you're down with DMX too. I know we have only known
each other for a week or so, but I have to tell you...you're already like a
brother, or possibly a father, but not my father, because he walked out on
my mom and I hate him for that. I'm sorry, you probably don't want to
hear about my "family issues", but I can't help it.
I
will never forget how special you made me feel when I read your email and you
wrote, (and I quote): "I LOVE YOU". Around here, a guy usually
gets his ass kicked for saying that to another guy, but I know you really meant
it. Elle MacPherson already loves you too and is cleaning out a spot
in the basement for you to stay when you can get out of here. (You aren't
allergic to cats are you?)
I
am going to go try to open up a bank account in November, but I may need some
help. I'm not really good at money and am hoping to do it well. Do
you think they will have Snoopy checks? I hope so. No...I mean
I REALLY hope so. (Snoopy was my nicname in band). Are you married? If
so, Elle MacPherson would love to talk to her, and maybe she can come out and
visit
too. Elle
MacPherson gets lonely and says I'm "neglectful". I tell her
(in my best DMX voice): "Shut up bitch and go make me a sandwich!". Then
I tell her I'm joking. You see, I love my wife, but I have to keep it
real, you know...straight thuggin'.
Anyway,
I hope to see of a picture of you soon. I bet you're handsome. Just promise
me one thing. When you come over here, do not hit on my wife. I
know she's way too good looking for me, but she's mine anyway. I got
to go, the people's court is on.
Peace
out,
Mr.
Bo Jangles
(How
old are you anyway. You sound pretty young)
From Albert
Fred to Mike Hunt (Oct. 25)
DEAR MIKE HUNT,
IN RERGARDS TO YOUR E MAIL
MESSAGE,I KOWN YOU ARE VERY RESPONSIBLE MAN AND I WANT YOU TO KOWN THAT I AM
IN NIGERIA AND I YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE PAYMENT OF US$4,500 DOLLARS FOR
THE APPLICATION FOR PAYMENT WHICH WILL DETERMINE YOU AS THE BONAFIDE BENEFICIARY
OF THE SAID FUND.
YOU MUST MAKE THE PAYMENT
OF US$4,500 DOLLARS TO MR JOHN OKEKE LAGOS NIGERIA BY WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER
TODAY.SO THAT I WILL SECURE APPROVALS OF THE FUND BY THIS APPLICATION FORM
WHICH YOUR BANKING INFORMATION WILL BE USE TO EFFECT THE PAYMENT.
KINDLY DO THAT TODAY.I
WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR REPLY.
ALBERT FRED
From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred
(Oct. 25)
Dear
Mr. Bukkake,
I
have no idea why you have decided to stop using our code names. I'm acting
like a trained professional and you're coming off like an bush league armature. DON'T
BLOW THIS FOR US MAN!
I
have another problem that I need your expert advice on. Remember my ex-friend/co-worker
Brian Fairyman? Well, he wants in. He also wants his code name to
Ariel (The Lord of Darkness). He's threatening to take this to the FBI,
CIA, Humane Society and the NCAA if we don't make him a partner. Now Mr.
Bukkake, we have two choices: 1. make him a partner or 2. take him out. I
have attached a photo of Ariel (The Lord of Darkness). As you can tell
from the picture, he means business. My gut tells me we can trust him. If
you disagree, will have to go with option number 2. Unfortunately, you'll
have to perform option number 2 by yourself. Don't ask me why, you're just
going to have to do it. I looked up ticket cost on priceline.com for a
round-trip flight from Nigeria to Portland, OR and it's not going to be that
bad. If we decide to go with option 2, I will have Elle MacPhearson pick
you up and take you to the drop-off point. I would pick you up but I feel
that Elle MacPhearson blends into a crowd better. Plus she speaks English,
Spanish, Ebonics, Sign Language, and Pig Latin. She is also a master of
disguise if you two get in a bind, she can make you look exactly like Richard
Gere in Pretty Woman. She will be equipped with 3 Ninja Throwing Stars
and Knumchuks. If you prefer another type of weapon, let us know. If
your wondering where I got the idea for option 2, please rent American Ninja
4: The Annihilation starring Mike Dudikoff, David Bradley and directed by Cedric
Sundstrom. It's a fool-proof plan my fiend. If you think Ariel (The
Lord of Darkness) can be trusted, than option 1 it is. If you can't do
option 2, then we will definitely be going with option #1 because the last thing
we need is a representative from the Humane Society on our tail. I think
he would be a good partner, I just don't liked to be bossed around. My
real father use to call me fat and tell me "get your lazy ass of the couch
and get me another beer boy." I would say "YOUR NOT THE BOSS
OF ME!" Then he would tell me that he was going to take a hit out
on me through Jenny Craig. He use to pick up the phone and pretend he was
talking to her. Scared the hell out of me and forced me to always look
over my shoulder. Needless to say, I don't like being bossed around.
Since
you will be going to the video store later, I would also like to suggest some
other movies that you could learn a thing or two from:
1. Jame
Bond: From Russia with Love
2. Conspiracy
Theory starring Julia Roberts and Mel Gibson.
3. Breakin'
2 - Electric Boogaloo starring Turbo and Ozone.
4. Yental
5. Austin
Powers 1
If
we are going to do this we are going to do it right. I feel these movies
are "must haves" for anyone in the spy/undercover/pimp/gangsta game. Look
how much I've learned since Monday.
Mr.
Bukkake, I trust you.
Tally
Hoe!
Mr.
Bo Jangles
Brad Fairyman AKA Ariel (The Lord of Darkness)
EBOLA MONKEY NOTE: A friend of mine came on to play the role of Brad Fairyman (Ariel THE LORD OF DARKNESS). We thought this email might be the swan song. After all, what kind of idiot would take a guy in an outfit like this serious? Well, we found him. Good old Albert.
From Albert
Fred to Mike Hunt (Oct. 25)
MR BO JANGLES,
I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR
EFFORT AND CONCERNED IN YOUR GREAT ADVICE AND I THINK THAT OPTION ONE IS NEEDED
AND YOU HAVE TO KEEP THIS BUSINESS STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL.YOU MUST KOWN THAT I
REALLY LOVE YOU BECUASE YOU ARE SUCH A WISE AND WISDOM MAN I CAN RELATE ALL MY
FEELING WITH YOU.THIS IS A LIFE TIME BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY WE BOTH PARTIES CAN
NOT AFFORDS TO MISS.TELL HIM NOT TO TELL ANYBODY, IT FOR YOUR EYES ONLY AND PROMISE
ME YOU WILL NEVER,EVER REPORT THIS TO CIA,HUMANE SOCIETY AND NCAA.MONEY MATTER
HAS TO BE SECRET AND THIS TYPE OF BUSINESS REALLY NEEDS PRIVACY AND TRUST.DO
NOT BREAK THIS TRUST AND LOVE WE HAVE FOR EACH OTHERS.JUST KEEP THE TRUST UP
AND BE WISE. I WANT YOU TO KOWN THAT I WILL BE COIMG OVER TO YOUR COUNTRY TO
MEET YOU MR BO JANGLES AND ARIEL (THE LORD OF DARKNESS).
YOU MUST MAKE THE PAYMENT
OF US$4,500 DOLLARS TO MR JOHN OKEKE LAGOS NIGERIA BY WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER
TODAY.SO THAT I WILL SECURE APPROVALS OF THE FUND BY THIS APPLICATION FORM WHICH
YOUR BANKING INFORMATION WILL BE USE TO EFFECT THE PAYMENT.PLEASE SEE WHAT YOU
CAN DO AND MAKE THIS PAYMENT TODAY.
AS SOON AS THE PAYMENT IS
MADE TODAY BY YOU KINDLY SEND ME THE SENDER NAME, CONTROL NUMBER,TEST QUESTION
AND ANSWER TODAY.I WANT YOU TO DO THAT TODAY.I TRUST YOU AND I BELIEVE IN YOU
AS MY BEST FRIENDS THAT IS WHY I LOVE YOUR WAYS MR BO JANGLES.
WE HAVE TO MAKE GREATER THINGS
TO HAPPEN IN THIS LIFE SO THAT WE WILL BE A STAR AND LEGEND IN OUR GENERATION.
LET HONESTY,CO-OPERATION,LOVE
AND GOOD FAITH BE OUR MOTTO THROUGHTOUT THIS FINACIAL BUSINESS TRANSACTION.I
WILL BE EXPECTING THE CONTROL NUMBER TODAY.
NOTE:YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE
WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER AROUND YOU AND MAKE THE PAYMENT OF US$4,500 DOLLARS
TO MR JOHN OKEKE LAGOS NIGERIA AND SEND ME THE SENDER NAME,TEST QUESTION
AND ANSWER,CONTROL NUMBER. I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR REPLY.
MR. BUKKAKE,
From Albert Fred to
Mike Hunt (Oct. 26)
DEAR MIKE HUNT,
WHAT IS THE POSITION OF THINGS
WITH YOU I WANT YOU TO REPLY ME TODAY SO THAT I WILL KOWN YOUR MIND.WE HAVE TO
WORK TO TOGETHER AS PARTNER FOR US TO MEET OUR GOAL.
I REALLY APRERCIATE YOUR
YOUR WAYS AND I LOOK FORWARD TO HEAR FROM YOU.
ALBERT FRED.
From Albert Fred to
Mike Hunt (Oct. 27)
DEAR MIKE HUNT,
IN REGARDS TO YOU E MAIL
MESSAGE, I APPRECIATE YOUR EFFORT INASSISTING ME IN THIS FINANCIAL BUSINESS TRANSACTION.
I NEED YOUR BANKING INFORMATION TO SECURE APPROVAL FROM THE GLOBLING BANK INFAVOUR
OF YOUR NAME HAS THE BONAFIDE BENEFICIARY OF THE SAID FUND.
IMMEDIATELY I RECEIVE YOUR
BANKING INFORMATION, THE FINAL FUNDRELEASE AUTHORITY ORDER AND THE REMITTANCE
ADVICE WILL SEND TO YOU. THE BANK CHAIRMAN WILL CONTACT YOU AND YOU MUST
ACT ACCORDING TO THE INSTRUCTION GIVEN TO YOU BY THE CHAIRMAN FOR EFFECTIVE TRANSFER
OFTHE FUND INTO YOUR NOMINATED BANK ACCOUNT. THE FUND WILL BE TRANSFER BY ELECTRONIC
WIRE TRANSFER INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT WITHIN 24 BANKINGWORKING HOURS AND THIS
FUND WILL HIT YOUR ACCOUNT SAME TIME SAME DAY. YOU WILL RECEIVE TELEX CONFIRMATION
FROM THE BANK FOR YOU TO VARIFY FROM YOUR BANK.
AS SOON AS THE FUND HIT YOUR
BANK ACCOUNT, I WILL BE COMING OVER TO YOUR COUNTRY TO MEET YOU IN PERSON FOR
THE DISBURSEMENT OF THE FUND ACCORDING TO THIS PERCENTAGE. 30% WILL BE GIVEN
TO YOU AS THE OWNER OF THE ACCOUNT WHERE THE MONEY WILL BE TRANSFER AND 60% WILL
BE FOR ME AND 10% FOR INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL EXPENSES THE BOTH PARTIES WILL INCURED
DURING THE BUSINESS TRANSACTION. MY 60% OF THE FUND WILL BE USE FOR INVESTMENT
OPPORTUNITY IN YOUR COUNTRY THAT WILL GENERATE MORE CAPITAL IN THE MERE FUTURE.THIS
FINANCIAL BUSINESS TRANSACTION IS FOR YOUR EYES ONLY AND DO NOT DISCLOSE IT TO
ANYBODY TILL THE FUND HIT YOUR BANK ACCOUNT. THIS IS TOP BANK SECRET THAT YOU
MUST KNOW THAT AS MY TRUSTED FOREIGN PARTNER.
LET TRUST AND HONESTY BE
OUR WATCH WORD THROUGHOUT THIS PENDING MUTUAL BENEFICIARY TRANSACTION THAT WILL
BENEFIT BOTH PARTIES. KINDLY SEND ME YOUR PRIVATE TEL, FAX NUMBER AND MOBILE
NUMBER SO THAT I CAN CALL YOU FOR FURTHER DISCUSSION. MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR
FAMILY.
I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR
URGENT COMPLIANCE.
DR. ALBERT FRED
From Mike Hunt to Albert
Fred (Oct. 28)
Mr.
Bukkake,
What
happened to you?! Are you losing your mind? You're using our REAL
NAMES AGAIN. I mean, that's the kind of stuff the NCAA and PETA use to bring
smart guys like us down. Do you not understand I am trying to help you
out. You write me about being secret and then I hear from some Dr. Ulaoma
Okoro. Who is that? Is everybody in Nigeria a Doctor? (Actually,
if they are,
Agnus
has a question about a wart.) Anyway, back to the point. All of you
are very unprofessional and from now on, I'M IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT. Now, I was
watching some reruns of "You can't do that on television" and it gave
me an idea: Let's use some super secret codes so that nobody will understand
what we are talking about, except for us. I am an expert in talking like
a
spy
(I own a lot of James Bond movies). So here is the plan:
You
HAVE to use these words or else people will know what we are doing. From
now on we are going to use code words for the following:
the
phrase "doing business" is now "break dancing" the word "bank
account" will now be referred to as "Stephanie" all the following
numbers will change:
0 =
x
1 =
purple
2 =
^^
3 =
linebacker
4 =
bling bling
5 = "It's
nice outside"
6 = <->
7 =
LIAR!
8 =
zero
9 =
zoro
For
exampel... I am ^^linebacker years old. (I am 23 years old).
Please
understand, this code is for you and I's protection.
Now
for the "Stephanie". I found my friend Ariel (Lord of Darkness)'s
library card number for his "Stephanie". The number is x bling
bling LIAR! "It's nice outside" zero purple purple "It's nice
outside" ^^ x bling bling zoro <-> LIAR! He said if that doesn't
work, he has some McGift Certificates. By the way, who is this "John
Okeke" guy anyway. I don't like his name. It sounds gay. Is
he gay? I hope not. Anyway, we should go. I'm looking forward
to break dancing with you Mr. Bukake.
Love,
Mr.
Bo Jangles
From Albert
Fred to Mike Hunt (Oct. 29)
MR. BO JANGLES,
IN REGARDS TO YOUR E MAIL
MESSAGE,I UNDERSTAND THE FACT THAT YOU WANT US TO USE CODE FOR COMMUNICATION.THE
ONLY CODE I PREFER IS MY NIKE NAME WHICH IS MR.BUKKAKE I LIKE ONLY THE NAME FOR
COMMUNICATION.I AM NOT VERY GOOD IN CODE COMMUNICATION AND I DON'T WANT TO COMPLICATE
ISSUE IN THIS FINANCIAL BUSINESS TRANSACTION.
IF ANYBODY RIGHT YOU FROM
NIGERIA DO NOT REPLY THE PERSON EXCEPT ME WITH THIS NAME MR.BUKKAKE,I REALLY
APPRECIATE THE TRUST AND THE LOVE WE BOTH HAS FOR EACH OTHER.WE HAVE TO KEEP
IT UP FOREVER, I LOVE YOUR WAYS AND THE WISDOM YOU HAVE AS A HUMAN BEIGN.
MR JOHN OKEKE IS THE PROTOCOL
OFFICER OF THE BANK GOBAL BANK WHERE THE FUND WILL BE TRANSFER INTO YOUR NORMINATED
BANK ACCOUNT.SO EVERYTHING REGARDING TO THIS BUSINESS HAS TO GO THROUGTH HIM.YOU
HAVE TO KOWN THAT NOW.PLEASE I WANT YOU TO MAKE THIS PAYMENT FOR THE APPLICATION
FOR THE PAYMENT OF THIS FUND IN FAVOR OF YOUR NAME AS THE BONAFIDE BENEFICIARY
OF THE SAID FUND.
DO YOU HAVE WESTERN UNION
MONEY TRANSFER IN YOUR COUNTRY?IF YOU HAVE IT BETTER YOU MAKE THIS PAYMENT OF
US$4,500 TODAY TO MR JOHN OKEKE LAGOS NIGERIA AND SEND ME THE SENDER NAME, THE
CONTROL NUMBER,TEST QUESTION AND ANSWER TODAY.
I WILL BE COMING OVER TO
YOUR COUNTRY TO MEET YOU IN PERSON AND I WANT YOU TO KEEP THIS BUSINESS STRICTLY
CONFIDENTIAL TO YOURSELF ALONE.I NEED YOUR LOVE,TRUST,CO-OPERATION,HONESTY GOOD
FAIHT AND SACRIFY THIS IS THE VOW THAT I NEED FROM YOU TODAY.DO NOT LET ME DOWN
ANYTHING I SAY BELIEVE AND TRUST ME FOR MY WORD.IT VERY POWERFULL FOR AUTHORITY
IS IN THE WORD.I AM THE MAN OF
MY WORD IT MY BOUND AND HONOR.
I LOVE YOU AND I LOOK FOWARD
FOR YOUR FEED BACK TODAY.
I LOVE YOU.
MR.BUKKAKE
From Albert Fred to
Mike Hunt (Oct. 29)
MR. BO. JANGLES,
YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE PAYMENT
FOR THE APPLICATION OF THE FUND TODAY.PLEASE IT VERY IMMPORTANT YOU DO
THAT TODAY.SEND THE MONEY BY WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER TO MR JOHN OKEKE
LAGOS NIGERIA.AND SEND ME THE CONTROL NUMBER,TEST QUETION AND ANSWER TODAY.
I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR
QUICK REPLY TODAY.
I LOVE YOU
MR.BUKKAKE
From Mike Hunt to Albert
Fred (Oct. 29)
Dr.
Mr. Bukkake (AKA: Forgetful Partner),
I'm
glad you have come to your senses about our code names. I was talking to
Elle MacPhearson yesterday and she thinks you stop using the name Mr. Bukkake
because you don't like it. I told her that I think you are a forgetful
person. I have a cousin who cannot remember to open the sliding glass door
when he runs out of the house. Every time he runs to go outside he smacks
right into the glass door. He's a good example of a forgetful person. He's
also mentally retarded so we cut him some slack. Are you mentally retarded? If
not, ALWAYS USE THE CODE NAMES!!!!!!!
Anyway,
Elle MacPhearson is forcing me to give you the option to pick a new name. She
came up with five new names if you don't like Mr. Bukkake. I personally
hate all of them. I think Mr. Bukkake is a fine name. Anyway, here
they are in no particular order:
1. Dr.
Papshmear
2. Nutty
Blumpkin (this one is actually not that bad)
3. Jeff
4. The
Cleveland Steamer
5. DJ
Jazzy Jeff
If
you want to change your name, let me know.
Speaking
of forgetful, I went to Western Union this morning. I wore a disguise. Elle
MacPhearson made it. I'm supposed to look like Robin Williams. I
have attached a photo of it so you can see just how good Elle MacPhearson is
at make up and disguises. Anyway, Mr. Know-It-All, that's Ariel (The Lord
of Darkness) by the way, let me use his bike to drive over there. He said
it would be better because someone could recognize my car and know it's me. It's
a 10 Mile ride so you can only imagine how tired I
was. You
can also imagine how shocked I was when I got there and they had know idea who
MR JOHN OKEKE LAGOS NIGERIA was. They had never heard of him. They
had no clue what I was talking about. Then I thought maybe you left me
a message there with instructions. I said "do you have a message for
a Mr. Bo Jangles from a Mr. Bukkake?" and they just laughed at me. Everyone
was laughing; other customers, cash register girl, cleaning guy and the manager. I
hadn't been laughed at like that since I performed "We Built This City" by
Starship at my six grade talent show. Needless to say, we will no longer
be using Western Union. Those guys are assholes! So no you tell me
Mr. Bukkake. Is this a game to you? Do you like to send me on
wild
geese chases? I peddled ten miles with this Robin Williams disguise on. It
was hot out. You told me to tell Western Union about sending Mr. John Okeke
money and that's what I did. They laughed at me. I AM NOT AN ANIMAL! I
peddled back to hear more ridicule from Arial (The Lord of Darkness). He's
like "ha ha" and "you're just Mr. Bukkake's ass clown." These
types of things hurt my feelings man. I know I come off super tough but
there's another side of me. That whole Western Union experience reminds
me of the movie Glitter with Mariah Carey.
Anyway,
get it together Mr. Bukakke! You've turned this whole operation into one
big giant butt-fuck-a-thon. Stop shooting from the hip. You are letting
me and Elle MacPhearson down.
I'm
going to ask you a question and I want a serious answer:
Mr.
Bukkake, ARE YOU AFRAID OF SUCCESS?
If
you are, than maybe I should work with Okeke directly. I'm sure he wouldn't
be happy to hear about the Western Union debacle.I'm taking it down from love
to like. I like you and I think you are forgetful.
Mr.
Bo Jangles
DISGUISE PHOTO
EBOLA MONKEY NOTE: OK, now me and my buddy were sure that Albert wasn't going to respond. Look at this photo. It looks nothing like the original photo I sent of Mike Hunt and his girlfriend. You can imagine the excitement I had when I opened my mail box to find another email from the good Dr.
From Albert Fred to Mike
Hunt (Oct. 29)
DEAR BO JANGLES,
IN REGARDS TO YOUR E MAIL
MESSAGE,I UNDERSTAND THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE BEEN TO THE WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER
AND YOU FIND IT VERY DIFFICULT TO SEND THE MONEY TO MR JOHN OKEKE LAGOS NIGERIA.
WHAT YOU WILL DO IS THIS,YOU
WILL GO BACK THERE AND YOU WILL INSTRUCT THE WESTERN UNION MONEY CASHIER
TO TRANSFER THE US$4,500 TO JOHN OKEKE LAGOS NIGERIA DIRECTLY AND SHE WILL NOW
GIVE YOU THE RECEIPT OF PAYMENT YOU HAVE MADE TO JOHN OKEKE.
YOU DON'T NEED TO ASK THEM
ANY QUETION JUST INSTRUCT THEM DIRECTLY FOR THEM TO TRANSFER THE US$4,500 DOLLARS
TO MR JOHN OKEKE LAGOS NIGERIA.IT IMMPORTNANT YOU DO THAT AGAIN NOW.THE MISTAKE
CAME FROM YOUR HAND AND YOU HAVE TO CORRECT IT NOW.YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND MY
EXPLANATION AND FEELING TOWARDS THE WRONG MISTAKE YOU HAVE DONE.
IT AN OBLIGATION ON YOUR
PART TO CORRECT NOW.MOVE NOW TO THE WESTERN UNION AND INSTRUCT CASHIER TO TRANSFER
THE US$4,500 DOLLAR TO JOHN OKEKE LAGOS NIGERIA.THE CASHIER WILL GIVE YOU THE
WESTERN UNION RECEIPT OF PAYMENT AND YOU WILL SCAN IT TO ME AS SOON AS
POSSIBLE TODAY.
I KOWN YOU HAVE REALLY TRIED
AND YOU HAVE TO CORRECT IT NOW.
I LOVE YOU
MR.BUKKAKE,
From Albert Fred to
Mike Hunt (Oct. 29)
DEAR BOJANGLES,
I WANT YOU TO MOVE
TO THE WESTERN UNION AND INSTRUCT THE CASHIER TO SEND YOUR US$4,500 TO
MR JOHN OKEKE LAGOS NIGERIA AND AS SOON AS THE PAYMENT IS MADE THEY WILL
GIVE YOU THE RECEIPT OF PAYMENT AND YOU WILL SEND IT TO ME BY SCAN.
I LOVE YOU FOREVER.
MR.BUKKAKE,
From Micahel Hunt to
Albert Fred (Oct. 30)
Mr.
Bukakke,
You
know you really put me in an emotional cunundrum. First off, you are the
first man to ever tell me he loves me. Not even my rotten, no good abandoning
father ever said that. (You know what I would do to him if I had him alone
in a room? Of course you don't, you're not me Mr. Bukakke. I would
scare him really bad and make him crap his pants. Then I would stick his
nose in it......just like they do puppies!) Anyway, stop interrupting me.
Back
to the point. One moment you love me and I can see us being best friends
the rest of our lives, the next minute you're forgetting to use our knik names
(Yes, Mr. Bukakke, that is how you spell knik name...not NIKE, that's a shoe. Remember
Mike Jordan?)
Anyway,
I have love for you Mr. Bukakke. I really do. I know somewhere deep
inside you are a good man. I just think you got a lot of growing up to
do. There is no "I" in team, but apparently there is an "I" in
Mr. Bukakke. I want to help you transfer money, but you know what, the $300,000
or so that I would get may not be worth the emotional pain you put me through. To
be honest Mr. Bukakke, I have spent the past 14 hours with a box of Kleenex and
a 24 pac of Milwaukee's Best. (They had a special at Sav-Mart). Agnus
has asked why I'm crying and I tell her I just got done watching "The Bridges
of Madison County" with Clint Eastwood and tell her to shut up and make
me a sandwich. I don't have the heart to tell her about your unprofessionalism.
As
for the Western Union fiasco, you had me believing it was as easy as "Give
my buddy in Nigeria some money". It wasn't. I don't think you
understand how it made me feel when they laughed at me. I mean, they laughed
for a good 10 minutes. As I rode away in my costume on my bike, I heard
a couple of them shouting: "Ride on MonkeyBoy, I think the circus is accepting
applications!" That stings. I have needs. I am a loving
person who was trying to do the right thing FOR YOU!!! Now, I don't want
to be a "Negative Nelly", but I'm starting to doubt that $300,000 is
worth the heart break this whole situation is causing me. I love you, and
would like to help you, but you make me doubt myself. My inner child is
saying FORGET IT, but my wife is saying GET US SOME MONEY FOR ONCE YOU LAZY A__HOLE! (My
wife no longer lets me curse).
Anyway,
what should I do now? Hmmm. Only time will tell. Maybe I'll
try to get to Western Union today. I need to have Elle MacPhearson think
of a new disguise because I will not be laughed at again. Do you know who
Western Union's competitor is? If so, do you know their prices? Maybe
you can do a cost analysis/ breakdown/ comparison. Just so we know we are
not getting screwed.
Mr.
Bo Jangles
I'm
really beginning to hate Ariel (The Lord of Darkness). I wish we wouldn't
of made him a partner. He seems to just want to make fun of me which is
not cool. It's to bad because we could have been the next "Kagney
and Lacy" or "Laurel and Hardy."
From Albert
Fred to Mike Hunt (Oct. 30)
DEAR BO JANGLES,
IN REGARDS TO YOUR E MAIL
MESSAGE, SINCE YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO WESTERN UNION YOU MAKE TO TRANSFER THE
MONEY TO THIS UNDERLISTED BANK ACCOUNT TODAY.THIS IS OUR CORRESPOUNDING
BANK ACCOUNT.
SHANGHAI COMMERCIAL AND SAVINGS
BANK LTD.
SAVINGS DEPT.TAIPEI,TAIWAN
SWIFT CODE:SCSBTWTP003
A/C NO: 0310-8000-658107
A/C NAME:SMART PRODUCTS CO
AS SOON AS THE PAYMENT IS
MADE, SEND THE RECEIPT OF PAYMENT TO MY FAX:234-1-7593765 OR YOU SCAN IT BY ATTACHEMENT
BY E MAIL. MY TEL:234-80330-79097 I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR EFFORTS AND
I THANK YOU FOR YOUR KINDNESS TOWARDS THE SUCCESS AND THE PROGRESS OF THIS BUSINESS
TRANSACTION.
SINCE THEY HAVE BA INTENTION
FOR YOU,MAKE THE THE PAYMENT BY BANK TO BANK TRANSACTION. INSTRUCTION
YOUR BANK TO TRANSFER THE US$4,500 INTO THE ABOVE
BANK ACCOUNT. KINDLY
CALL ME ON THIS TEL:234-80-330-79097 I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR CALL AS
SOON AS YOU GET THIS URGENT
MESSAGE.
WHAT IS YOUR TELELPHONE NUMBER?I
LOVE YOU KINDLY GIVE IT TO ME I WANT TO HEAR YOU LOVELY SWEET VOICE. LOVE
IS LIFE, LIVE IS KIND AND LOVE IS SHARING.THIS ARE THE FEELING I HAVE FOR
YOU.KEEP THIS AT THE BACK OF YOUR MIND.I WILL MEET YOU IN PERSON ONE ON ONE.
Mr. BUKAKKE,
From Ariel (The Lord
of Darkness) to Albert Fred (Oct. 30)
EBOLA
MONKEY NOTE: We figured we would have some fun and sell him on a Pyramid
Scheme or two.
To
the Honorable Mr. Bukkake,
It's
Ariel (The Lord of Darkness). Please allow myself to introduce myself. I'm
I'm writing you in confidence that you confidently keep this email confi, confi
...confi CONFIdential. Please excuse excuse the way I write, for in 1996,
I had an accident with a a Xerox copy machine which left me with a strange condition
in which I I repeat every 13th word and occasionally stutter. It It happens
when I speak speak and write. Enough about that lets get back to me.
Anyway,
I want want your opinion of Mr. Bo Jangles. Personally, I think he's a Buffoon
and and his screwing this entire operation up. Our relationship is quickly
becoming cumbers, cumberso, cu cu cumb, CUMBERSome. That That is why I
am reaching out to you today. I believe I can can be your go to guy. Lets
cut out the fat, no pppppppun intended intended, and get down to real business
or BREAK DANCING. Whatever you and Mr. Mr. Bo Jangles have decided to call
it. For Pete's sake, the man can't can't even go to Western Union without
fudging it up. If you don't mind mind me asking, why did you ask him to
be your partner in this this operation in the first place? Strange. If
you think this is a good good idea, you'll have to tell Mr. Bo Jangles that we
are cutting him him out of the deal. Don't ask me why I can't, you'll just
have have to do it. He'll take it tough, but hey, "What doesn't kill
you only only makes you stronger." Right. Your a good man Mr.
Bu bu bu BUkkake.
Since
we are are on the subject. Have you thought about your financial future? Do
you know know where your going to? Do you like the things that life is
showing showing you? Where are you going to? Do you know?
I
confident you answered answered all of those questions with a NO. That
leaves me to my next next subject: Pre-Paid Legal. Pre-Paid Legal
offers Legal Service Plans to provide access access to justice for middle income
individuals and families. Our pl pl pla PLans are designed with with the cost-conscious
consumer in mind. Have you ever wanted legal advice on on a credit matter? Have
you ever wanted legal assistance with the purchase of of a home? Have you ever
needed legal services in writing or revising your your Will? For just pennies
a day, you can protect you and your family's legal legal rights. Luckily for
you I am a Pre-Paid Legal representative. For a a $16/month + a one time
$10 enrollment fa fa fa FEE, I can have you on on our standard plan.
The
Pre-Paid Legal Standard Plan provides members and their families families access
to the legal services they need most. Plan benefits include:
Preventive
legal legal services
Motor
vehicle legal defense services
Trial
defense services
Audit
services
A
25% 25% discount off legal services not specifically covered by the membership.
Should
we get get started? If your not completely satisfied by using Pre-Paid
Legal services, and you you want to sell it, let me know. I can get you
started. If If you are like me and I know I am, you entre entre entrepren
neu na ENTREPRENEURIAL.
As
you you can see from the photo that Mr. Bo Jangles sent you, I mean business
business. Anxiously waiting your response,
Ariel
(The Lord of Darkness)
Pre-Paid
Legal Services
Amway
Amway Products
Mary
Kay
moneyfromhome.com
Excel
Phone Card
To Mike Hunt
from Albert Fred (Oct. 31)
DEAR MR. BO JANGLES,
YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE PAYMENT
OF US$4,500 TO THIS BELOW BANK ACCOUNT TODAY FOR THE APPLICATION OF THE FUND
FROM THE GLOBAL BANK .
SHANGHAI COMMERCIAL AND SAVINGS
BANK LTD.
SAVINGS DEPT.TAIPEI,TAIWAN
SWIFT CODE:SCSBTWTP003
A/C NO: 0310-8000-658107
A/C NAME:SMART PRODUCTS CO
AS SOON AS THE PAYMENT IS
MADE, SEND THE RECEIPT OF PAYMENT TO THE GLOBAL BANK FAX:234-1-7593765 I WILL
BE EXPECTING YOUR URGENT REPLY. I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR EFFORTS AND I
THANK YOU FOR YOUR KINDNESS TOWARDS THE SUCCESS AND THE PROGRESS OF THIS BUSINESS
TRANSACTION.
MR BUKAKKE,
To Albert Fred from Mike Hunt (Oct. 31)
Dear
Mr. Bukakke,
I
went down to complete the transaction this morning but had second thoughts. You
see, I don't think you respect me as a person. Over the past week, our
relationship has gone from 0 to 73 miles per hour. It is truly a classic
tale filled with suspense, action, drama, gatorade, and suspense. I got
to thinking yesterday after I met with my therapist. I have no friends
(except for my dog, Mr. Winkle, who I have attached a photo of in the message). This
forces me to eat massive amounts of food. I know what your
thinking,
what about Elle Macphearson? She's great and all, but she's more of wife
than anything. Do you know what I mean?
Have
you ever heard the song "No Tears" by Scarface. There is a verse
that goes:
"I've
got my pistol pon cock
Ready
to lick shots non-stop
Until
I see your monkey-ass drop
And
let your homies know who done it
Cause
when it comes to this gangsta shit
you
muthafuckas know who run it
So
when you put this muthafucka to the test
You
gotta realize somethin(you fuckin with the very best)
I've
got this killer up inside of me
I
can't talk to my mother, so I talk to my diary"
That
song is like me speaking from the heart. My therapist says I need to take
medication but I don't think I do. My archeologist says it's just Winonaryder
syndrome. I'm rambling. Forgive me. Now if you would just let
me finish.
Besides
Mr. Winkle, you are my only friend. Mr. Winkle and I hang out a lot. I
always dress him in funny outfits. We go fishing, we go to the movies,
judo classes, have our own rap group, and eat. He says that if you and
I are as good of friends as we claim to be, then I should know as much about
you as you do me. So I compiled a list of things that I want to know about
you before I break dance with you.
1. Send
me a photo of you.
2. Send
me a photo of your family (ex. wife, brother, sister, dog)
3. Tell
me about where you live. I hear Nigeria is nice in the winter. I
would like to go there one day and see the Eiffel Tower and those crazy kangaroos
that are always running around.
4. What
was it like becoming a doctor?
5. What
was it like growing up Jewish?
6. Who
do you think is more sexy Ricardo Montalban or Eric Estrada (circle
one).
7. Would
you say you listen or wait to talk?
Please
answer all these questions and include photos.
I
just want to know you better Mr. Bukakke. You are my second best friend
next to Mr. Winkle.
Waiting
anxiously for your reply,
Mr.
Bo Jangles
PS
- Ariel (The Lord of Darkness) says you would totally like him better than me
if all three of us met. Please tell me that is not true. For Paul's
sake, the guy still wears a Members Only jacket. He's got to be the only
member left in that club.
PSS- You
are a doctor so you might know this: Are McDonald's French fries as fattening
as everybody says they are?
EBOLA MONKEY NOTE: Isn't Mr. Winkle the cutest dog you have ever seen. Go ahead, try to look at him without smiling.
EBOLA MONKEY NOTE: OK, PrePaid Legal wasn't doing anything for him. Lets try Amway now. Maybe he will respond to a little multi-level marketing.
From
Ariel (The Lord of Darkness) to Albert Fred (Oct. 31)
Have
you thought about your financial freedom, Mr. Bukakke? Obviously I can
tell tell you are a very smart man, who has made some VERY BAD choices choices. Let
me list a couple of mistakes that you have made:
Bad
Bad Choice #1. You chose Mr. Bo Jangles as a business partner.
Bad
Choice Choice #2. You are very bad at transferring money.
Bad
Choice #3. You use use Western Union. They are a-holes.
There?s
a saying I learned at Cletus Community Community College for the Sons of War
Veterans in Vietnam (CCCFSTSOWVIV for short short): ?You can?t catch a
greased pig if you took the wrong bus bus to the farm? I think that about
says it all.
This
is my offer to you you Mr. Bukakke:
You
can become your own boss and make millions, by working working only a few hours
a week. Have you ever thought how GREAT it would would be to be financially
independent? The GREAT NEWS FOR YOU: My company, Amway Amway, just
happens to be expanding into your local local area (Nigeria) and is looking for
some hardworking, entrepreneurs entrepreneurs LIKE YOU to help our rapid expansion.
Today,
more than 3.6 million independent business business owners distributeAmway products
in more than 80 countries and territories. Amway is part of the Alticor family
of companies whose global sales totaled $4.5 billion billion in its most recent
fiscal year. Do you want to get rich or be a lazy jackass like your loser
brother? (which I?m I?m guessing you have a loser brother, I know I do.)
-------THIS
IS WHAT I ASK OF YOU-----
Simply
Answer the following questions questions and we will get you started on the road
to financial independence!
1)Are
Are you scared of making LOTS of money?
2)Are
you smart?
3)Would
you like like to be your own boss?
4)Do
you like yachts, fine ass women women, and Krystal®?
5)How
old are you?
6)Would
you like to meet the President President, George Clinton?
7)Would
you like the American Dream of ?going to a baseball baseball game??
Please
send me immediately your social security #, 2 photocopies of your I.D. I.D. and
several pictures of yourself and your wife and I will get your your Amway introduction
packet sent out to you.
I
love you SO MUCH!
Ariel
(The Lord of Darkness Darkness)
www.Amway.com
To Albert Fred
from Mike Hunt (Oct. 31)
Dear
Mr. Bukakke,
I
am writing you with terrible news. I hope you are sitting down. Today....
Oh my god. OK OK. Pull it together Mr. Bo Jangles.
Today,
we lost a true American icon. They got Jam Master Jay from Run DMC Mr.
Bukakke. It was a head shot. He died immediately. The only
suspect the police have is some guy named Herve Villechaize who goes by the alias
Tattoo (he sounds mean). I was actually on my way to the bank to send you
over $1000 when I heard the news. I turned around and ran home because
I figured you would want to know. I'm sorry. You must be devastated. You
might already know this. This could be why you haven't written me back
and answered my questions. I am just as upset as you are. Mr. Winkle
won't even eat or get out of bed. I'm not sure if I'm going to tell Elle
MacPhearson today. It might be too much. I will keep you posted as
more news on the situation is leaked by the Humane Society. Jam Master
Jay's death makes me start to second guess the lifestyle that guys like me, you,
Al Capone, Tony Soprano, Bobby Bouche, Jack Meoff, and Dirk Digler lead. What
do you think? My grandpapa use to say "If you lead a pony to water,
you can still get that bird to the bush." Now I know what he meant. SO
TRUE.
What
are your thoughts? Please send me photo of yourself and your family immediately. Your
face will bring me comfort.
Also,
how would you feel about me coming out to Nigeria. Mr. Winkle and I could
use a vacation after this tragic event. I could bring you the money. Just
a thought.
I
like you,
Mr.
Bo Jangles
PS
- I think Ariel (The Lord of Darkness) is a bed wetter. He has rubber sheets
on his bed. What do you think? Please answer me as soon as possible.
PSS
- I picture your wife to look like Aunt Jemima or Mrs. Butterworth. Am
I close? Please send a picture.
PSSS-
How is the skiing in Nigeria? I bet it's amazing. If I come out,
will you take me skiing? PLEASE o Please o Please.
PSSSS-
Mr. Winkle tells me to tell you hi.
From Albert
Fred to Mike Hunt (Oct. 31)
DEAR BO JANGLES,
KINDLY MAKE THE PAYMENT TODAY.IT
VERY IMPORTANT YOU DO THAT,TWO WRONG CAN NEVER MAKE A RIGHT.IF YOU DON'T WANT
TO ASSISTING ME WITH YOUR MIND,FORGET ABOUT CONTACTING ME AGAIN.YOU KOWN THAT
I LOVE YOU AND I WILL NEVER LET YOU DOWN AS MY PARTNER.
WITH THE WAY I TRUSTED YOU,I
HAVE SPENT LOT OF MY TIME WITH YOU AS MY BUSINESS PARTNER TO ACCOMPLISH MY DREAM
I HAVE FOR YOU.
YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE PAYMENT
OF US$4,500 TO THIS BELOW BANK ACCOUNT TODAY FOR THE APPLICATION OF THE FUND
FROM THE GLOBAL BANK .
SHANGHAI COMMERCIAL AND SAVINGS
BANK LTD.
SAVINGS DEPT.TAIPEI,TAIWAN
SWIFT CODE:SCSBTWTP003
A/C NO: 0310-8000-658107
A/C NAME:SMART PRODUCTS CO
SEE WHAT YOU CAN DO AND MAKE
THE PAYMENT NOW IT VERY URGENT SO THAT THE I WILL APPLY FOR THE PAYMENT OF THE
FUND TO TRANSFER INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT INFAVOR OF YOUR NAME AS THE BONAFIDE
BENEFIARY OF THE FUND.
NOTE :I WILL ATTACHED MY
PICTURE FOR YOU TO SEE ME AND MY WIFE PICTURE.
I LOVE YOU.
BUKAKKE
EBOLA
MONKEY NOTE: Notice the amount of times he has given me the bank information. No
less than 10 times already. Let's bust his balls.
From Mike
Hunt to Albert Fred (Oct. 31)
Mr.
Bukakke,
There
is no photo attached. Please resend. It will make me feel more comfortable
about completing the transaction. I will send you the money tomorrow. Mr.
Bukakke, for the first time, make sure you give me the name of the bank, where
it is located, the swift code, A/C NO, and the A/C name. I know you can
be a forgetful person BUT YOU HAVE TO GET ME THIS INFORMATION OR ELSE I CAN'T
SEND YOU YOUR MONEY. Open the sliding glass door Mr.Bukakke. Think.
Just
so you know, a guy named DR.Ulaoma Okoro(C.B.N) keeps telling me to pay him the
money. He says he knows you and you can't be trusted. Here is his
email if you want to contact him ulaoma@yahoo.com Can I trust you Mr. Bukakke? You
have yet to answer any of my questions and you won't send me photos. I
love you but this is not the way to do business.
As
I was writing this, someone named Dr. Phil Lacio emailed me. He says he
is from Nigeria too. WHAT IS GOING ON? Are you tea bagging me? Are
you pulling a flying camel? I would not do that to you.
Please
respond.
Mr.
Bo Jangles
From Albert
Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 1)
DEAR BO JANGLES,
I LOVE YOU AND I WILL AWAYS
LOVE YOU FOREVER AND EVER AMEN.LOOK MR JANGLES YOU DON'T KOWN HOW I APPRECIATE
YOU AND YOUR FAMILY,I LOVE YOU AND THERE IS JOY IN LOVING SOMEBODY WITH ONE MIND.
DO NOT REPLY ANYBOY, FROM
NIGERIA EXCEPT ME MR. BUKAKKE, MY NAME IS MY CODE NAME AND THE PROMISE
NAME YOU GAVE ME ANYBOY THAT "DON'T WRITE WITH THE NAME DO NOT REPLY
HIM OR BELEIVE HIM"
I WILL ATTACHED MY PICTURE
TODAY.
I WITH ALWAY LOVE YOU TILL
INFINITY.
MR. BUKEKKE "FOREVER"
From Ariel (The Lord
of Darkness) to Albert Fred (Nov. 1)
Hey
friends,
Just
wanted everybody to see how "good" I looked in my halloween costume. That
party was a blast. (see attached picture)
From Albert
Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 1)
DEAR BO JANGLES,
THIS IS MY PICTURE SO YOU
HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THE LOVE I HAVE FOR YOU,I AM A GOD FEARING PERSON AND I LOVE
TO MEET PEOPLE LIKE YOU. AS YOU CAN SEE I AM VERY HAPPY PERSON WITH MY WIFE.THAT
IS MY TRADITIONAL OUTFIT AM WEARING DURING MY FRIENDS BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION PARTY.
YOU HAVE TO MAKE THIS PAYMENT
TODAY.YOU HAVE PROMISE ME THAT WHEN YOU SEE MY PICTURE THAT WILL GIVE YOU CONFIDENT
AND JOY IN LIFE.MOVE NOW AND MAKE THE PAYMENT TODAY.ALREADY YOU HAVE THE BANKING
INFORMATION WITH YOU.
I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR
REPLY TODAY AS SOON AS YOU MAKE THE PAYMENT.
I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOUR
WAYS FOREVER.
BUKAKKE,
Albert & Albert's Wife
EBOLA MONKEY NOTE: Cute!!! He found a photo in a magazine of a happy couple. Check out those matching outfit.
From Albert
Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 1)
MR.BO JANGLES,
YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE PAYMENT
OF US$4,500 TO THIS BELOW BANK ACCOUNT TODAY FOR THE APPLICATION OF THE FUND
TO BELLOW BANK ACCOUNT TODAY.YOU HAVE PROMISE ME YOU WILL DO THAT,I LOVE YOU
AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO LET ME DOWN
SHANGHAI COMMERCIAL AND SAVINGS
BANK LTD.
SAVINGS DEPT.TAIPEI,TAIWAN
SWIFT CODE:SCSBTWTP003
A/C NO: 0310-8000-658107
A/C NAME:SMART PRODUCTS CO
YOU HAVE TO MOVE TO YOUR
BANK AND INSTRUCT YOUR BANK TO TRANSFER THE MONEY TODAY AND MAKE THE PAYMENT
NOW IT VERY URGENT SO THAT THE I WILL APPLY FOR THE PAYMENT OF THE FUND TO TRANSFER
INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT INFAVOR OF YOUR NAME AS THE BONAFIDE BENEFIARY OF THE
FUND. AS SOON AS YOU MAKE THE PAYMENT TODAY,SEND IT THE RECEIPT OF PAYMENT BY ATTACHMENT.
NOTE :I HAVE ATTACHED MY
PICTURE FOR YOU TO SEE ME AND MY WIFE PICTURE.
I LOVE YOU.
BUKAKKE
From Mike
Hunt to Albert Fred (Nov. 1)
Dear
Bukakke,
Thank
you for the lovely photos of you and your wife. You two look very happy. That
must have been some party. We have parties like that in America but we
call them "orgies." If I come to Nigeria, you must take me to
a party. If you come to Oregon, I will take you to an orgy. Deal. Do
you think I should come to Nigeria? I think it would be a good idea. I
could bring you the money. Please let me know.
By
the way, does your wife cook? My wife tosses salad. It's amazing. I
will have her toss your salad if you visit. She also can make tube steak
that melts in your mouth. Have you ever had a New York Style Taco? They
are good too.
My
sister Jenna is in town for the weekend so I will not get a chance to write you. I
will go to the bank today. If everything goes right, we will be rich
men.
I've
attached a photo of my sister Jenna and I at a orgy/party that we attended last
spring. I'm very excited because I don't get to see my sister too much. She
makes movies in Los Angeles and is always busy. She doesn't speak to my
family much. She is very beautiful, unlike me. Elle MacPhearson
does not like her too much. She gets mad when I watch her movies. Between
me and you, I think Elle MacPhearson is jealous of my sister's looks. What
do you think of my sister? Do you have a sister?
I
would like to buy you a gift for your generosity. Do you like watches,
clothes, analbeads, or c-rings? Maybe I could buy your wife some botox
or a jizz catcher. I feel it's the least I can do for you.
You
are a really great guy Bukakke (I noticed from your last email that we are close
enough to drop the whole macho "Mr." parts to our names). Guys
like you always give a reach around.
To
infinity and beyond,
Mr.
Bo Jangles
EBOLA MONKEY NOTE: Yes fellas, that's Jenna Jamison with some guy.
From Ariel
(The Lord of Darkness) to Albert Fred (Nov. 1)
Mr.
Bukakke,
What's
up? I'm beginning to think you are not too serious about making making
money. But then I realize, WHO WOULDN'T APPRECIATE BEING THEIR OWN OWN
BOSS! NOBODY. I'm telling you now Mr. Bukakke, you would do do very
well at Amway. I think you would have first year income potential potential
of at least US $22,000. That would probably increase to at at least $27,000
within 5 years. That is probably more money money than you have ever seen. Think
of how many Eminem CD's you you could buy with that. You could probably
lure some attractive women women with that kind of dough, too.
I'm
sure the above paragraph has convinced convinced you that you NEED Amway. I'm
sure you realized realized you can turn your somewhat miserable life into GOLD
and RICHES RICHES if you only accept the opportunity I offer you. I'M TRYING
TO TO GIVE YOU FREE MONEY, AND YOU'RE TELLING ME "HMM, I THINK I WOULD RATHER
SIT SIT ON MY ASS ALL DAY AND LOOK AT THE FINE DIRT IN NIGERIA". Help
me help you Mr. Bukakke. You could be on on your way to
Krystal
and fine ass women...OR you can not listen to me and be content riding riding
mules all day.
--------------- THIS
IS WHAT I HAVE TO OFFER YOU ----------------------
Mr.
Bukakke, simply provide me with the names names of 10 people (friends and family
included) who you think would benefit selling Amway products. Do Do not
tell them too much, as you will probably screw it up. Just say "My
friend Ariel Ariel (The Lord of Darkness) was telling about this great business
opportunity that is is expanding into our local area (Nigeria) and thought you
might want to be your own boss!" They They will love you Mr. Bukakke.
For
doing this, I WILL WAIVE THE APPLICATION APPLICATION FEE OF US $45.00 JUST
FOR YOU. Your sucker friends will still have to pay pay. Please respond
quickly as I have only a limited number of positions to fill in Nigeria.
Your
Loving Friend Friend,
Ariel
(The Lord of Darkness)
To Mike Hunt
from Albert Fred (Nov. 3)
DEAR BO JANGLES,
HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND,I HOPE
YOU ENJOY IT WITH YOUR WIFE AND SISTER THAT CAME TO VISIT YOU.I WANT YOU TO KOWN
THAT WE HAVE TO PROCEED IMMEDIATELY SO THAT THIS FUND WILL BE TRANSFER INTO YOUR
BANK ACCOUNT.THIS IS A LIFE TIME OPPORTUNITY WE CAN NOT MISS SO I WANT YOU TO
MAKE THE PAYMENT FOR THE APPLICATION OF THE FUND ON MONDAY MORNING YOUR TIME.
I WILL BE COMING OVER TO
YOUR COUNTRY SO YOU HAVE TO BOOK AN HOTEL RESEVATION FOR ME IN YOUR COUNTRY.I
REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR CONCERN ABD EFFORT TOWARDS THE SUCCESS AND PROGRESS OF
THIS BUSINESS.I LOVE YOU AND I WILL AWAYS LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU .KINDLY REPLY
ME IT VERY IMMPORTANT. WHAT IS YOUR TEL AND FAX NUMBER.GIVE IT TO ME WHEN
NEXT YOU ARE REPLYING ME.
I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR
REPLY.
BUKAKKE.
From Mike Hunt to Albert
Fred (Nov. 4)
Dear
Bukakke,
Sorry
I did not write you sooner. I'm afraid I have some bad news. I've
been in the hospital for three days. I was released last night. While
riding my bike to the bank on Friday to transfer the funds, I was unexpectedly
mugged by five Mexican guys on the street. They beat me to a pulp and took
everything. My money order for $4500, shirt, left shoe, Ruff Ryder medallion,
and bike were all stolen. I managed to escape the beating without too much
harm other than a broken right arm (the arm I use to write), broken jaw, pulled
hamstring, black eye (left), and a bruised ego. The doctor says I can't
eat solid foods for a month but I will lose some weight, which is a good thing. He
also said that my vision in my left eye will go from pitch black to blurry
in about a week. The doctor said he had not seen a man take a beating like
that since Rodney King. The police have not caught these evil men but expect
they were part of a local latino gang called Menudo. All I can do now is
wait and pray for revenge. My sister Jenna tells me "six wrongs don't
make it right" but I want the voices in my head want those bastards to burn
in hell. I'm just happy to finally be home with Elle MacPhearson and Mr.
Winkle.
Do
you think you can stall the bank on the payment? I need time to come up
with the money. The $4500 is all that Elle MacPhearson and I had in our
life savings account and I do not know when I will get that back. Or maybe
you could ask your father to let us borrow the money till I can come up with
it. Maybe he could talk to the bank for us. I know you said he is
a king so I'm sure he has a lot of influence with the banks. Another option
we have is my mom. She has saved up $5000 to donate the "Make A Wish" (foundation
which grants the wishes of children with life-threatening illnesses). There
is a small boy named Timmy who only has a couple of months to live. My
mom has grown quite fond of him. Timmy wish is to be visited by Pam Anderson
(the actress from Baywatch) in the hospital and her fee for a public appearance
is $5000 (non-negotiable) per visit. Pam also requires that she gets $50
(every fifth one is half off) per photo taken with her and there must be a catered
assortment of finger foods on hand. As you can see, little Timmy is going
to cost my mom a small fortune but for some reason she wants to make his dream
come true. If I can convince her to loan me that money until the transaction
is completed than I could pay her back double what she loaned me. Than
she can sponsor two visits for Timmy if she wants. I figure this will only
delay Timmy's visit from Pam another two weeks. He has a couple of months
to live so I'm sure he wouldn't mind waiting. What's two weeks when you
have waited this long, right? Do you think this is a good idea? Should
I ask my mom? I need your advice. I do not want to let you down.
Your
loving brother and partner,
Mr.
Bo Jangles
From Albert
Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 4)
DEAR BO ANGLES,
I AM VERY SORRY FOR WHAT
HAS HAPPEND TO YOU AND I AM VERY WORRY ABOUT YOU,THAT IS WHY I NEED TO HEAR FROM
YOU EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE.PLEASE DON'T BE OFFENDED BY WHAT THOSE THIEF DID TO YOU
AND DON'T HIT THEM BACK,JUST FORGIVE AND FORGET THEM.
YOU HAVE TO MEET YOUR MOTHER
SO THAT SHE CAN LOAN YOU THAT MONEY FOR US TO APPLY FOR THIS FUND IMMEDIATELY.YOU
HAVE TO TRANSFER THIS PAYMENT TO THIS NEW BANK ACCOUNT:
INTERNATIONAL COMMERCIAL
BANK OF CHINA
HEAD OFFICE
100 CHILIN ROAD,TAIPEI,TAIWAN
SWIFT CODE:ICBCTWTP007
A/C NO :007-53-03807-4
A/C NAME:BOSKA ENTERPRISE
CO
I CAN UNDERTSAND YOUR CONDITION
AND I KOWN THE WAY YOU FEEL.KINDLY ASSIST ME AS YOUR LOVELY FRIEND.I AM WORRY
ABOUT THIS FINANCIAL BUSINESS TRANSACTION.YOU DO NOT NEED TO EXPLAINE ANYTHING
TO YOUR MOTHER ABOUT THIS BUSINESS TRANSACTION.IT MUST BE STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL
TO YOURSELF.I KOWN YOU ARE VERY HONEST MAN AND I WILL EVER BE YOUR BEST FRIEND.
I LOVE YOU.
BUKAKKE,
From Mike Hunt to Albert
Fred (Nov. 4)
Thank
you Bukakke, I will set up a meeting with my mom tonight and tell her Timmy can
wait. I will contact you by Wednesday. It is hard to type plus I
have to go back to the doctor. You make me see things clearly and I appreciate
that.
Cheery
O,
Bo
Jangles
From Albert
Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 5)
DEAR BO JANGLES,
I APPRECIATE YOUR EFFORT
IN REPLYING AND I WANT YOU TO COLLECT THE MONEY FROM YOUR MOTHER TODAY.IT VERY
IMMPORTANT SO THAT THE APPLICATION FORM WILL BE GIVEN TO US BY THE GLOBLING
BBANK FOR ME TO APPLY FOR THE FUND INFAVOR OF YOUR NAME AS
THE BONAFIDE OWNER OF THE FUND.THIS IS A LIFE TIME OPPORTUNITY WE CAN NOT AFFORD
TO MISS.
AS SOON AS YOU COLLECT THE
FUND FROM YOUR MOTHER, YOU HAVE TO ME VERY CAREFULL AND WORK LIKE A GENTEL MAN
IN YOUR NEIGHBOURHOOD.DON'T LET ANYBODY TO KOWN YOU MUST LEAN HOW TO MOVE WITH "CODE
AND SYSTEM" .IT WILL HELP YOU ALOT IN LIFE.I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH AND I DON'T
WANT TO MISS YOU AS MY BEST FRIEND.
YOU HAVE TO TRANSFER THIS
PAYMENT TO THIS NEW BANK ACCOUNT:
INTERNATIONAL COMMERCIAL
BANK OF CHINA
HEAD OFFICE 100 CHILIN
ROAD,TAIPEI,TAIWAN
SWIFT CODE:ICBCTWTP007
A/C NO :007-53-03807-4
A/C NAME:BOSKA ENTERPRISE
CO
IMMEDIATELY THE PAYMENT IS
MADE TODAY,YOU HAVE TO ATTACHED THE RECEIPT OF PAYMENT TO ME TODAY OR SEND IT
TO MY FAX:234-1-7593765. I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR REPLY.
BUKAKKE,
EBOLA MONKEY NOTE: OK, Ariel has tried everything to get a response but no luck. Well, might as well come clean.
From Ariel
(The Lord of Darkness) to Albert Fred (Nov. 5)
Bukakke,
I
think it is time to come clean. I may have been been a little dishonest
up until this point. I feel really bad bad about it, but I kind of feel
like this whole whole thing has been some type of scam, you know know,
like the ones on the internet. Here is the the story and I hope you aren't
too upset:
My
real name is is Brad Fairyman Fellow (which shouldn't shock you, that's where
my email email came from). I am 37 years old and a very lonely man man. I
am currently stuck in a personal rut. I have no REAL REAL job (I'll explain
Amway in a moment). I have a fear of commitment commitment, a nasty addiction
to Doritos, an odd odd odor to me, and have not been with a woman woman since
that time in South Central.
I
used to be somebody. Way Way back in the late 1980's, I used to host a
TV program program about animals. I love animals. They are crazy. The
show was called "Brad Fairyman Fellow's Safari Planet". Maybe
Maybe you've heard of it, it was big with the Latino Males 17-34 market. I
used to have all types of animals animals on the show, like Abby from Santa Barbara
and rabbits that
gave
themselves themselves haircuts. After awhile, the animals turned on me. This
parrot stole stole my credit card and started ordering gold plated cages. I
was straight straight broke. I had this snapping turtle try to bite me
Bukakke! I don't want to get bit! Anyway, the the animals started
getting to me, sending me death threats and telling me I was "a little little
fruit who wore lipstick and funny hats". I knew I had to get out. But
how how you may ask?