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EBOLA MONKEY NOTE:  This is the Nigerian Scammer that started it all for me.  It is a long one so I had to break it up into two parts.  He was a good one to start with because no matter what I said or did, he stuck with me.  Thank you Albert you idiot.

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Oct. 21)

FROM THE DESK:
CHIEF ACCOUNTING OFFICER

ATTENTION:PRESIDENT,

I AM DR. ALBERT FREDTHE CHIEF ACCOUNTING OFFICER OF A BANK. THE FINANCIAL STATEMENT OF OUR BANK IS OVER US$130,000,000.00 (ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS) AND THE CURRENT ASSETS OF OUR BANK IS RELATIVELY LIQUID RESOURCES. THIS CATEGORIES INCLUDES CASH, INVESTMENTS IN MARKETABLE SECURITIES, RECEIVABLE, INVENTORIES AND PREPAID EXPENSES. IN RECENT YEARS THE ANNAUL REVENUE OF OUR BANK HAS EXCEEDED TO US$200,000,000.00 (TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS) AND MY RESPONSIBITY IS FOR ME TO MAINTAIN ADEQUATE MONETARY INTERNAL CONTROL, CONTROLLING THE BANK CASH POSITION, BUDGETTING AND FOR THE PREPARATION OF ACCOUNTING RECORDS AND FINANCIAL STATEMENT.

THE NUMBER OF CAPITAL SHARES WHICH HAS BEEN ISSUED FOR THE YEAR 2002 IS UNDER MY JURISDICTION IS US$80,000,000.00 AND THE OUTSTANDING SHARE THAT IS PRESENTLY UNDER MY CONTROL AND SUPERVISION IS US$15,000,000.00 ( FIFTEEN MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS). WE ARE IN THE LAST QUARTER OF THE YEAR 2002 AND I NEED A RELIABLE FOREIGN PARTNER THAT WILL ASSIST ME TO TRANSFER THE 15M FUND INTO HIS BANK ACCOUNT. I HAVE MANAGERIAL AUTHORITY TO TRANSFER THIS FUND INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT BY ELECTRONIC WIRE TRANSFER. I NEED THE FOLLOWING BANKING INFORMATION:

1. THE NAME OF YOUR BANK
2. THE BANK ADDRESS
3. THE BANK ACCOUNT
4. THE BANK ROUTING/SWIFT CODE
5. THE BANK BENEFICIARY
6. YOUR COMPANY NAME
7. YOUR PRIVATE TELEPHONE,FAX AND MOBILE NUMBER FOR EASY COMMUNICATION.

WITH THE ABOVE INFORMATION, I WILL EFFECT THE PAYMENT OF US$45,000,000:00 DOLLARS INTO YOUR NOMINATED BANK ACCOUNT AND THIS WILL ONLY TAKE US 24 BANKING WORKING HOURS TO EXECUTIVE THIS FINANCIAL BUSINESS TRANSACTION THAT WILL BENEFIT BOTH PARTIES. WE HAVE AGREED TO SHARE THE FUND AS FOLLOW: 30% WILL BE GIVING TO YOU HAS THE OWNER OF THE ACCOUNT WHERE THE FUND WILL BE TRANSFER AND 60% WILL BE FOR ME AND 10% FOR VALUE ADDED TAX THAT WILL BE REQUIRED BY YOUR BANK OFFICIAL.

THE BANK WILL SEND YOU VALID CONCRETE AUTHORIZATION DOCUMENT AND TELEX CONFIRMATION WILL BE SEND TO YOUR BANK AND FOR YOU TO VARIFY FROM YOUR BANK AS SOON AS THE FUND HIT YOUR BANK ACCOUNT.

NOTE: Please kindly state your early response immediately on this E mail:fred@euroseek.com for more details on the modalities involves and this business is for your eye only and it is top secret you have to keep strictly confidential.

I WILL BE EXPRECTING YOUR URGENT COMPLIANCE AND FEED BACK.

YOURS TRULY,

DR. ALBERT FRED
E MAIL:albertfred16@hotmail.com

From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Oct. 21)

I want to help you, but unfortunately I do not have a savings or checking account.  Is it possible to have a check sent to me directly?  I would then use this check to open a bank account (Key Bank has free checking for a limited time so please hurry).  I am very excited about this opportunity.  I have never been good with money so you can only imagine how happy I got when I read your email.  My grin is ear to ear baby.  I know you said this is confidential but I had to share it with my friend Brad Fairyman.  He was a little skeptical but I told him  "NO BRAD , I will not let you rain on my parade! "   He thinks I should ask you for proof but I said "the proof's in the check.  Yeah baby!"  Between me and you Albert, Brad  has always been a little jealous of me ever since my promotion.  I'll tell you that story another time though.

Anyways, do you ever see yourself coming out to Barlow, Oregon (Pop. 125).  I was born and raised here so I can show you all the hot spots.  You are a nice guy and I think you would like it here.  With this new money your sending me, I'd love buy a drink at Flash Dancers (a fine eating establishment located just off the interstate).  My wife Agnus works there.  Meeting Agnus was the best thing that has ever happened to me until now.  I think you will like her.

Anyway Albert, let me know if you can send a check and I will tell you where to send it.  I don't want you to send it to my house because I would like to surprise Agnus.  You see, her weight has ballooned from 145 to 190 in the past two years and she really wants to join that Jenny Craig program.  I always told her, "NO AGNUS, it's too expensive and this is the weight that our lord and savior Jesus Christ wants you at."  Now with this money, I can make her dream come true.  Jeez Ablert, you are like our guardian angel or something.

Thanks

Mike

DEAR MIKE,

WHAT IS YOUR TEL AND FAX NUMBER.PLEASE KINDLY SEND IT TO ME NOW.I KOWN YOU VERY RESPONSIBLE AND RELIABLE MAN,I TRUST YOU MR MIKE.

ALBERT FRED.

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Oct. 22)

DEAR MIKE,

IN REGARDS TO YOU E MAIL MESSAGE, I APPRECIATE YOUR EFFORT IN  ASSISTING ME IN THIS FINANCIAL BUSINESS TRANSACTION. I NEED YOUR BANKING INFORMATION TO SECURE APPROVAL FROM THE GLOBLING BANK INFAVOUR OF YOUR NAME HAS THE BONAFIDE BENEFICIARY OF THE SAID FUND.  IMMEDIATELY I RECEIVE YOUR BANKING INFORMATION, THE FINAL FUND RELEASE AUTHORITY ORDER AND THE REMITTANCE ADVICE WILL BE SEND TO YOU.  THE BANK CHAIRMAN WILL CONTACT YOU AND YOU MUST ACT ACCORDING TO THE
INSTRUCTION GIVEN TO YOU BY THE CHAIRMAN FOR EFFECTIVE TRANSFER OFTHE FUND INTO YOUR NOMINATED BANK ACCOUNT. THE FUND WILL BE TRANSFER BY ELECTRONIC WIRE TRANSFER INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT WITHIN 24 BANKING WORKING HOURS AND THIS FUND WILL HIT YOUR ACCOUNT SAME TIME SAME
DAY. YOU WILL RECEIVE TELEX CONFIRMATION FROM THE BANK FOR YOU TO VARIFY FROM YOUR BANK.

AS SOON AS THE FUND HIT YOUR BANK ACCOUNT, I WILL BE COMING OVER TO YOUR COUNTRY TO MEET YOU IN PERSON FOR THE DISBURSEMENT OF THE FUND ACCORDING TO THIS PERCENTAGE. 30% WILL BE GIVEN TO YOU AS THE OWNER OF THE ACCOUNT WHERE THE MONEY WILL BE TRANSFER AND 60% WILL BE FOR ME AND 10% FOR INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL EXPENSES THE BOTH PARTIES WILL INCURED DURING THE BUSINESS TRANSACTION. MY 60% OF THE FUND WILL BE USE FOR INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY IN YOUR COUNTRY THAT WILL GENERATEMORE CAPITAL IN THE MERE FUTURE.THIS FINANCIAL BUSINESS TRANSACTION IS FOR YOUR EYES ONLY AND DO NOT DISCLOSE IT TO ANYBODY TILL THE FUND HIT YOUR BANK ACCOUNT. THIS IS TOP BANK SECRET THAT YOU MUST KNOW THAT AS MY TRUSTED FOREIGN PARTNER.

LET TRUST AND HONESTY BE OUR WATCH WORD THROUGHOUT THIS PENDING MUTUAL BENEFICIARY TRANSACTION THAT WILL BENEFIT BOTH PARTIES.  KINDLY SEND ME YOUR PRIVATE TEL, FAX NUMBER AND MOBILE NUMBER SO THAT I CAN CALL YOU FOR FURTHER DISCUSSION. MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.

I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR URGENT COMPLIANCE.

DR. ALBERT FRED

From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Oct. 23)

Albert,

I can't tell you how excited I was to find 2 emails from you in my computer this morning.  I know I'm supposed to keep this secret, but I couldn't help but to tell Agnus (my wife) about your email.  She was so excited, she took me out to dinner at a restaurant called Roy Rogers.

Anyway, I've been so excited, but I'm kind of scared too.  As I said before, my friggin' friend Brad Fairyman always tells me to be careful about things, and I promised I would.  Now, listen here Albert, I BELIEVE YOU.  I want to help you but I have a couple of questions:

1.  I noticed your name changed between emails.  Your first email you were Albert Fredthe (Chief Accounting Officer).  Now your just Albert Fred.  What happened?  Personally, I think Fredthe is a beautiful name, so I would go with that.

2.  As I said before, I want to help you, but don't currently have a bank account.  Rumor has it that Key Bank is going to give me $10 to open up a checking account in November, so I might wait until then

3.  Brad suggested that I get some type of picture of you or something, just so I know you're real.  If you can email me one, that would be great.  (Try not to be laying down in the picture, my wife might get the wrong idea).

Anyway Albert, I have to get going so that I can work on the car (I think the Carburetor is acting up again).  I can't wait for you to see it.  It's a Chevy Nova with peanut butter interior.  A real beauty! I know ever since Jeff (my real dad) left, I have trust issues (or so my guidance counselor used to say), BUT I DO TRUST YOU.  Please be patient with me because I want to help you.  If there is one word to describe me, it is "HELPING OTHERS".

Thank you.

Mike

PS - Are you a doctor as well?  I noticed you sign your name with DR.  Is being a CHIEF ACCOUNTING OFFICER a hobby for you? If you are a doctor, Agnus has a condition I'd like to talk to you about.  I'll wait for your response just in case the DR. stands for something else.  Let me know.

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Oct. 23)

DEAR MIKE,

I APPRECIATE YOUR EFFORT IN REPLYING ME IN THIS PENDING MUTUAL BENFICIARY BUSINESS TRANSACTION THAT WILL BENEFIT BOTH PARTIES.  SINCE YOU ARE  TO OPEN THE NEW ACCOUNT IN NOVEMBER.PLEASE KEEP THIS BUSINESS STRICLY CONFIDENTIAL.I TRUST YOU AND I KOWN YOU ARE A MAN OF INTERGRITY AND
I HOPE TO SEE YOU ONE ON ONE AS SOON AS THE FUND IS TRANSFER INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT.

WE ARE GOING TO SHARE THE PERCENTAGE AS FOLLOWS 40% WILL BE FOR YOU THE OWNER OF THE ACCOUNT WHILE 50% FOR ME AND 10% FOR TAX THAT WILL ARAISE DURING THE BUSINESS TRANSACTION.MY SHARE WILL BE USE FOR LARGE SCALE  INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY THAT WILL BENEFIT BOTH PARTIES BECUASE YOU WILL BE INCHARGE OF THE BUSINESS AND YOU OWN THE RIGHT BUSINESS TO ESTABLISH WITH MY FUND.

I WILL SEND YOU MY PICTURE WITH MY FAMILY.  PLEASE CONFIRM YOUR TEL AND MOBILE NUMBER FOR ME.

MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY AND HAVE A NICE DAY.

ALBERT FRED.

NOTE:KINDLY SEND ME YOUR TEL ,FAX AND MOBILE NUMBER FOR EASY COMMUNICATION.

From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Oct. 24)

Dear Albert,

I have attached a photo of my wife (Agnus) and I.  This is a glamour shot so it was expensive.  You should feel lucky to have a copy of it.  We had to drive all the way to Portland, OR.  That was the same day we bought these matching Ruff Ryders medallions.  Are you a DMX fan?  Agnus and I always pretend that I'm DMX and she is EVE.  RUFF RYDERS! WE IN HERE!

Anyways, I thought you were going to send me a photo of your family?

I was thinking, if this is such secret information, shouldn't we talk in secret code?  Lets at least stop using our real names.  From this point forward, I want to be Mr. Bo Jangles.  I will also refer to my wife Agnus as Elle MacPherson.  I think you should pick a name.  I have five suggestions if you don't have anything in mind:

1.  Mr. Bukkake
2.  Ryan
3.  Lil' Homey
4.  Apple Jack
5.  008

If you like one of those names, let me know ASAP.  Also, is it safe to talk by phone.  How can you tell if a line is secure.  Elle MacPhearson says she thinks our phone is tapped because she always hears two clicks when she talks to her girlfriends.

I have to go my friend,

Mr. Bo Jangles

PS - Have you seen the new Christina Aguilera video.  I think it's cool but Elle MacPherson thinks she looks like a slut.

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Oct. 24)

I AM VERY HAPPY TO HEAR FROM YOU MR BO JANGLES I AM NOW MR .BUKKAKE,I LIKE
THE NAME AND I WANT US TO BEFOVER PARTNER IN BUSINESS AND IN FRIENDSHIP.I
TRUST YOU AND I LOVE YOUR WAYS.I LIKE  RUFF RYDERS AS WELL AND WITH P.DIDDY

I WANT YOU TO REPLY ME BY E MAIL I WILL LIKE YOU TO COMMUNICATE WITH ME ON E
MAIL.I WANT YOU TO SEND ME YOUR BANK SO THAT THIS FUND WILL BE TRANSFER INTO
YOUR BANK ACCOUNT.PLEASE ALWAYS GET INTOUCH WITH ME ON THIS E MAIL.I AM VERY
HAPPY FOR YOUR WONDERFUL REPLY AND I LOVE YOU.

I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR REPLY .HAVE A NICE DAY WITH YOUR WIFE.

MR .BUKKAKE

From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Oct. 25)

Dear Mr. Bukkake,

I'm glad to hear that you're down with DMX too.  I know we have only known each other for a week or so, but I have to tell you...you're already like a brother, or possibly a father, but not my father, because he walked out on my mom and I hate him for that.  I'm sorry, you probably don't want to hear about my "family issues", but I can't help it.

I will never forget how special you made me feel when I read your email and you wrote, (and I quote): "I LOVE YOU".  Around here, a guy usually gets his ass kicked for saying that to another guy, but I know you really meant it.  Elle MacPherson already loves you too and is cleaning out a spot in the basement for you to stay when you can get out of here.  (You aren't allergic to cats are you?)

I am going to go try to open up a bank account in November, but I may need some help.  I'm not really good at money and am hoping to do it well.  Do you think they will have Snoopy checks?  I hope so.  No...I mean I REALLY hope so.  (Snoopy was my nicname in band).  Are you married?  If so, Elle MacPherson would love to talk to her, and maybe she can come out and visit
too.  Elle MacPherson gets lonely and says I'm "neglectful".  I tell her (in my best DMX voice): "Shut up bitch and go make me a sandwich!".  Then I tell her I'm joking.  You see, I love my wife, but I have to keep it real, you know...straight thuggin'.

Anyway, I hope to see of a picture of you soon.  I bet you're handsome. Just promise me one thing.  When you come over here, do not hit on my wife.  I know she's way too good looking for me, but she's mine anyway.  I got to go, the people's court is on.

Peace out,

Mr. Bo Jangles

(How old are you anyway.  You sound pretty young)

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Oct. 25)

DEAR MIKE HUNT,

IN RERGARDS TO YOUR E MAIL MESSAGE,I KOWN YOU ARE VERY RESPONSIBLE MAN AND I WANT YOU TO KOWN THAT I AM IN NIGERIA AND I YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE PAYMENT OF  US$4,500 DOLLARS FOR THE APPLICATION FOR PAYMENT WHICH WILL DETERMINE YOU AS THE BONAFIDE BENEFICIARY OF THE SAID FUND.

YOU MUST MAKE THE PAYMENT OF US$4,500 DOLLARS TO MR JOHN OKEKE LAGOS NIGERIA BY WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER TODAY.SO THAT I WILL SECURE APPROVALS OF THE FUND BY THIS APPLICATION FORM WHICH YOUR BANKING INFORMATION WILL BE USE TO EFFECT THE PAYMENT.

KINDLY DO THAT TODAY.I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR REPLY.

ALBERT FRED

From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Oct. 25)

Dear Mr. Bukkake,

I have no idea why you have decided to stop using our code names.  I'm acting like a trained professional and you're coming off like an bush league armature.  DON'T BLOW THIS FOR US MAN!

I have another problem that I need your expert advice on.  Remember my ex-friend/co-worker Brian Fairyman?  Well, he wants in.  He also wants his code name to Ariel (The Lord of Darkness).  He's threatening to take this to the FBI, CIA, Humane Society and the NCAA if we don't make him a partner.  Now Mr. Bukkake, we have two choices: 1. make him a partner or 2. take him out.  I have attached a photo of Ariel (The Lord of Darkness).  As you can tell from the picture, he means business.  My gut tells me we can trust him.  If you disagree, will have to go with option number 2.  Unfortunately, you'll have to perform option number 2 by yourself.  Don't ask me why, you're just going to have to do it.  I looked up ticket cost on priceline.com for a round-trip flight from Nigeria to Portland, OR and it's not going to be that bad.  If we decide to go with option 2, I will have Elle MacPhearson pick you up and take you to the drop-off point.  I would pick you up but I feel that Elle MacPhearson blends into a crowd better.  Plus she speaks English, Spanish, Ebonics, Sign Language, and Pig Latin.  She is also a master of disguise if you two get in a bind, she can make you look exactly like Richard Gere in Pretty Woman.  She will be equipped with 3 Ninja Throwing Stars and Knumchuks.  If you prefer another type of weapon, let us know.  If your wondering where I got the idea for option 2, please rent American Ninja 4: The Annihilation starring Mike Dudikoff, David Bradley and directed by Cedric Sundstrom.  It's a fool-proof plan my fiend.  If you think Ariel (The Lord of Darkness) can be trusted, than option 1 it is.  If you can't do option 2, then we will definitely be going with option #1 because the last thing we need is a representative from the Humane Society on our tail.  I think he would be a good partner, I just don't liked to be bossed around.  My real father use to call me fat and tell me "get your lazy ass of the couch and get me another beer boy."  I would say "YOUR NOT THE BOSS OF ME!"  Then he would tell me that he was going to take a hit out on me through Jenny Craig.  He use to pick up the phone and pretend he was talking to her.  Scared the hell out of me and forced me to always look over my shoulder.  Needless to say, I don't like being bossed around.

Since you will be going to the video store later, I would also like to suggest some other movies that you could learn a thing or two from:

1.  Jame Bond: From Russia with Love
2.  Conspiracy Theory starring Julia Roberts and Mel Gibson.
3.  Breakin' 2 - Electric Boogaloo starring Turbo and Ozone.
4.  Yental
5.  Austin Powers 1

If we are going to do this we are going to do it right.  I feel these movies are "must haves" for anyone in the spy/undercover/pimp/gangsta game.  Look how much I've learned since Monday.

Mr. Bukkake, I trust you.

Tally Hoe!

Mr. Bo Jangles

Brad Fairyman AKA Ariel (The Lord of Darkness)

EBOLA MONKEY NOTE:  A friend of mine came on to play the role of Brad Fairyman (Ariel THE LORD OF DARKNESS).  We thought this email might be the swan song.  After all, what kind of idiot would take a guy in an outfit like this serious?  Well, we found him.  Good old Albert.

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Oct. 25)

MR BO JANGLES,

I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR EFFORT AND CONCERNED IN YOUR GREAT ADVICE AND I THINK THAT OPTION ONE IS NEEDED AND YOU HAVE TO KEEP THIS BUSINESS STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL.YOU MUST KOWN THAT I REALLY LOVE YOU BECUASE YOU ARE SUCH A WISE AND WISDOM MAN I CAN RELATE ALL MY FEELING WITH YOU.THIS IS A LIFE TIME BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY WE BOTH PARTIES CAN NOT AFFORDS TO MISS.TELL HIM NOT TO TELL ANYBODY, IT FOR YOUR EYES ONLY AND PROMISE ME YOU WILL NEVER,EVER REPORT THIS TO CIA,HUMANE SOCIETY AND NCAA.MONEY MATTER HAS TO BE SECRET AND THIS TYPE OF BUSINESS REALLY NEEDS PRIVACY AND TRUST.DO NOT BREAK THIS TRUST AND LOVE WE HAVE FOR EACH OTHERS.JUST KEEP THE TRUST UP AND BE WISE. I WANT YOU TO KOWN THAT I WILL BE COIMG OVER TO YOUR COUNTRY TO MEET YOU MR BO JANGLES AND ARIEL  (THE LORD OF DARKNESS).

YOU MUST MAKE THE PAYMENT OF US$4,500 DOLLARS TO MR JOHN OKEKE LAGOS NIGERIA BY WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER TODAY.SO THAT I WILL SECURE APPROVALS OF THE FUND BY THIS APPLICATION FORM WHICH YOUR BANKING INFORMATION WILL BE USE TO EFFECT THE PAYMENT.PLEASE SEE WHAT YOU CAN DO AND MAKE THIS PAYMENT TODAY.

AS SOON AS THE PAYMENT IS MADE TODAY BY YOU KINDLY SEND ME THE SENDER NAME, CONTROL NUMBER,TEST QUESTION AND ANSWER TODAY.I WANT YOU TO DO THAT TODAY.I TRUST YOU AND I BELIEVE IN YOU AS MY BEST FRIENDS THAT IS WHY I LOVE YOUR WAYS MR BO JANGLES.

WE HAVE TO MAKE GREATER THINGS TO HAPPEN IN THIS LIFE SO THAT WE WILL BE A STAR AND LEGEND IN OUR GENERATION.

LET HONESTY,CO-OPERATION,LOVE AND GOOD FAITH BE OUR MOTTO THROUGHTOUT THIS FINACIAL BUSINESS TRANSACTION.I WILL BE EXPECTING THE CONTROL NUMBER TODAY.

NOTE:YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER AROUND YOU AND MAKE THE PAYMENT OF US$4,500 DOLLARS TO MR JOHN OKEKE LAGOS NIGERIA AND  SEND ME THE SENDER NAME,TEST QUESTION AND ANSWER,CONTROL NUMBER.  I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR REPLY.

MR. BUKKAKE,


From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Oct. 26)

DEAR MIKE HUNT,
WHAT IS THE POSITION OF THINGS WITH YOU I WANT YOU TO REPLY ME TODAY SO THAT I WILL KOWN YOUR MIND.WE HAVE TO WORK TO TOGETHER AS PARTNER FOR US TO MEET OUR GOAL.

I REALLY APRERCIATE YOUR YOUR WAYS AND I LOOK FORWARD TO HEAR FROM YOU.

ALBERT FRED.

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Oct. 27)

DEAR MIKE HUNT,

IN REGARDS TO YOU E MAIL MESSAGE, I APPRECIATE YOUR EFFORT INASSISTING ME IN THIS FINANCIAL BUSINESS TRANSACTION. I NEED YOUR BANKING INFORMATION TO SECURE APPROVAL FROM THE GLOBLING BANK INFAVOUR OF YOUR NAME HAS THE BONAFIDE BENEFICIARY OF THE SAID FUND.

IMMEDIATELY I RECEIVE YOUR BANKING INFORMATION, THE FINAL FUNDRELEASE AUTHORITY ORDER AND THE REMITTANCE ADVICE WILL SEND TO YOU.  THE BANK CHAIRMAN WILL CONTACT YOU AND YOU MUST ACT ACCORDING TO THE INSTRUCTION GIVEN TO YOU BY THE CHAIRMAN FOR EFFECTIVE TRANSFER OFTHE FUND INTO YOUR NOMINATED BANK ACCOUNT. THE FUND WILL BE TRANSFER BY ELECTRONIC WIRE TRANSFER INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT WITHIN 24 BANKINGWORKING HOURS AND THIS FUND WILL HIT YOUR ACCOUNT SAME TIME SAME  DAY. YOU WILL RECEIVE TELEX CONFIRMATION FROM THE BANK FOR YOU TO VARIFY FROM YOUR BANK.

AS SOON AS THE FUND HIT YOUR BANK ACCOUNT, I WILL BE COMING OVER TO YOUR COUNTRY TO MEET YOU IN PERSON FOR THE DISBURSEMENT OF THE FUND ACCORDING TO THIS PERCENTAGE. 30% WILL BE GIVEN TO YOU AS THE OWNER OF THE ACCOUNT WHERE THE MONEY WILL BE TRANSFER AND 60% WILL BE FOR ME AND 10% FOR INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL EXPENSES THE BOTH PARTIES WILL INCURED DURING THE BUSINESS TRANSACTION. MY 60% OF THE FUND WILL BE USE FOR INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY IN YOUR COUNTRY THAT WILL GENERATE MORE CAPITAL IN THE MERE FUTURE.THIS FINANCIAL BUSINESS TRANSACTION IS FOR YOUR EYES ONLY AND DO NOT DISCLOSE IT TO ANYBODY TILL THE FUND HIT YOUR BANK ACCOUNT. THIS IS TOP BANK SECRET THAT YOU MUST KNOW THAT AS MY TRUSTED FOREIGN PARTNER.

LET TRUST AND HONESTY BE OUR WATCH WORD THROUGHOUT THIS PENDING MUTUAL BENEFICIARY TRANSACTION THAT WILL BENEFIT BOTH PARTIES.  KINDLY SEND ME YOUR PRIVATE TEL, FAX NUMBER AND MOBILE NUMBER SO THAT I CAN CALL YOU FOR FURTHER DISCUSSION. MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.

I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR URGENT COMPLIANCE.

DR. ALBERT FRED

From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Oct. 28)

Mr. Bukkake,

What happened to you?!  Are you losing your mind?  You're using our REAL NAMES AGAIN. I mean, that's the kind of stuff the NCAA and PETA use to bring smart guys like us down.  Do you not understand I am trying to help you out.  You write me about being secret and then I hear from some Dr. Ulaoma Okoro.  Who is that?  Is everybody in Nigeria a Doctor?  (Actually, if they are,
Agnus has a question about a wart.)  Anyway, back to the point.  All of you are very unprofessional and from now on, I'M IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT. Now, I was watching some reruns of "You can't do that on television" and it gave me an idea:  Let's use some super secret codes so that nobody will understand what we are talking about, except for us.  I am an expert in talking like a
spy (I own a lot of James Bond movies).  So here is the plan:

You HAVE to use these words or else people will know what we are doing.  From now on we are going to use code words for the following:

the phrase "doing business" is now "break dancing" the word "bank account" will now be referred to as "Stephanie" all the following numbers will change:

0  = x
1  = purple
2  = ^^
3  = linebacker
4  = bling bling
5  = "It's nice outside"
6  = <->
7  = LIAR!
8  = zero
9  = zoro

For exampel... I am ^^linebacker years old.  (I am 23 years old).

Please understand, this code is for you and I's protection.

Now for the "Stephanie".  I found my friend Ariel (Lord of Darkness)'s library card number for his "Stephanie".  The number is x bling bling LIAR! "It's nice outside" zero purple purple "It's nice outside" ^^ x bling bling zoro <-> LIAR!  He said if that doesn't work, he has some McGift Certificates.  By the way, who is this "John Okeke" guy anyway.  I don't like his name. It sounds gay.  Is he gay?  I hope not.  Anyway, we should go.  I'm looking forward to break dancing with you Mr. Bukake.

Love,

Mr. Bo Jangles

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Oct. 29)

MR. BO JANGLES,

IN REGARDS TO YOUR E MAIL MESSAGE,I UNDERSTAND THE FACT THAT YOU WANT US TO USE CODE FOR COMMUNICATION.THE ONLY CODE I PREFER IS MY NIKE NAME WHICH IS MR.BUKKAKE I LIKE ONLY THE NAME FOR COMMUNICATION.I AM NOT VERY GOOD IN CODE COMMUNICATION AND I DON'T WANT TO COMPLICATE ISSUE IN THIS FINANCIAL BUSINESS TRANSACTION.

IF ANYBODY RIGHT YOU FROM NIGERIA DO NOT REPLY THE PERSON EXCEPT ME WITH THIS NAME MR.BUKKAKE,I REALLY APPRECIATE THE TRUST AND THE LOVE WE BOTH HAS FOR EACH OTHER.WE HAVE TO KEEP IT UP FOREVER, I LOVE YOUR WAYS AND THE WISDOM YOU HAVE AS A HUMAN BEIGN.

MR JOHN OKEKE IS THE PROTOCOL OFFICER OF THE BANK GOBAL BANK WHERE THE FUND WILL BE TRANSFER INTO YOUR NORMINATED BANK ACCOUNT.SO EVERYTHING REGARDING TO THIS BUSINESS HAS TO GO THROUGTH HIM.YOU HAVE TO KOWN THAT NOW.PLEASE I WANT YOU TO MAKE THIS PAYMENT FOR THE APPLICATION FOR THE PAYMENT OF THIS FUND IN FAVOR OF YOUR NAME AS THE BONAFIDE BENEFICIARY OF THE SAID FUND.

DO YOU HAVE WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER IN YOUR COUNTRY?IF YOU HAVE IT BETTER YOU MAKE THIS PAYMENT OF US$4,500 TODAY TO MR JOHN OKEKE LAGOS NIGERIA AND SEND ME THE SENDER NAME, THE CONTROL NUMBER,TEST QUESTION AND ANSWER TODAY.

I WILL BE COMING OVER TO YOUR COUNTRY TO MEET YOU IN PERSON AND I WANT YOU TO KEEP THIS BUSINESS STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL TO YOURSELF ALONE.I NEED YOUR LOVE,TRUST,CO-OPERATION,HONESTY GOOD FAIHT AND SACRIFY THIS IS THE VOW THAT I NEED FROM YOU TODAY.DO NOT LET ME DOWN ANYTHING I SAY BELIEVE AND TRUST ME FOR MY WORD.IT VERY POWERFULL FOR AUTHORITY IS IN THE WORD.I AM THE MAN OF
MY WORD IT MY BOUND AND HONOR.

I LOVE YOU AND I LOOK FOWARD FOR YOUR FEED BACK TODAY.

I LOVE YOU.

MR.BUKKAKE


From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Oct. 29)

MR. BO. JANGLES,

YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE PAYMENT FOR THE APPLICATION OF THE FUND TODAY.PLEASE IT  VERY IMMPORTANT YOU DO THAT TODAY.SEND THE MONEY BY WESTERN UNION MONEY  TRANSFER TO MR JOHN OKEKE LAGOS NIGERIA.AND SEND ME THE CONTROL NUMBER,TEST QUETION AND ANSWER TODAY.

I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR QUICK REPLY TODAY.

I LOVE YOU

MR.BUKKAKE

From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Oct. 29)

Dr. Mr. Bukkake (AKA: Forgetful Partner),

I'm glad you have come to your senses about our code names.  I was talking to Elle MacPhearson yesterday and she thinks you stop using the name Mr. Bukkake because you don't like it.  I told her that I think you are a forgetful person.  I have a cousin who cannot remember to open the sliding glass door when he runs out of the house.  Every time he runs to go outside he smacks right into the glass door.  He's a good example of a forgetful person.  He's also mentally retarded so we cut him some slack.  Are you mentally retarded?  If not, ALWAYS USE THE CODE NAMES!!!!!!!

Anyway, Elle MacPhearson is forcing me to give you the option to pick a new name.  She came up with five new names if you don't like Mr. Bukkake.  I personally hate all of them.  I think Mr. Bukkake is a fine name.  Anyway, here they are in no particular order:

1.  Dr. Papshmear
2.  Nutty Blumpkin (this one is actually not that bad)
3.  Jeff
4.  The Cleveland Steamer
5.  DJ Jazzy Jeff

If you want to change your name, let me know.

Speaking of forgetful, I went to Western Union this morning.  I wore a disguise.  Elle MacPhearson made it.  I'm supposed to look like Robin Williams.  I have attached a photo of it so you can see just how good Elle MacPhearson is at make up and disguises.  Anyway, Mr. Know-It-All, that's Ariel (The Lord of Darkness) by the way, let me use his bike to drive over there.  He said it would be better because someone could recognize my car and know it's me.  It's a 10 Mile ride so you can only imagine how tired I
was.  You can also imagine how shocked I was when I got there and they had know idea who MR JOHN OKEKE LAGOS NIGERIA was.  They had never heard of him.  They had no clue what I was talking about.  Then I thought maybe you left me a message there with instructions.  I said "do you have a message for a Mr. Bo Jangles from a Mr. Bukkake?" and they just laughed at me.  Everyone was laughing; other customers, cash register girl, cleaning guy and the manager.  I hadn't been laughed at like that since I performed "We Built This City" by Starship at my six grade talent show.  Needless to say, we will no longer be using Western Union.  Those guys are assholes!  So no you tell me Mr. Bukkake.  Is this a game to you?  Do you like to send me on
wild geese chases?  I peddled ten miles with this Robin Williams disguise on.  It was hot out.  You told me to tell Western Union about sending Mr. John Okeke money and that's what I did.  They laughed at me.  I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!  I peddled back to hear more ridicule from Arial (The Lord of Darkness).  He's like "ha ha" and "you're just Mr. Bukkake's ass clown."  These types of things hurt my feelings man.  I know I come off super tough but there's another side of me.  That whole Western Union experience reminds me of the movie Glitter with Mariah Carey.

Anyway, get it together Mr. Bukakke!  You've turned this whole operation into one big giant butt-fuck-a-thon.  Stop shooting from the hip.  You are letting me and Elle MacPhearson down.

I'm going to ask you a question and I want a serious answer:

Mr. Bukkake, ARE YOU AFRAID OF SUCCESS?

If you are, than maybe I should work with Okeke directly.  I'm sure he wouldn't be happy to hear about the Western Union debacle.I'm taking it down from love to like. I like you and I think you are forgetful.

Mr. Bo Jangles

DISGUISE PHOTO

EBOLA MONKEY NOTE:  OK, now me and my buddy were  sure that Albert wasn't going to respond.  Look at this photo.  It looks nothing like the original photo I sent of Mike Hunt and his girlfriend.   You can imagine the excitement I had when I opened my mail box to find another email from the good Dr.

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Oct. 29)

DEAR BO JANGLES,

IN REGARDS TO YOUR E MAIL MESSAGE,I UNDERSTAND THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE BEEN TO THE WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER AND YOU FIND IT VERY DIFFICULT TO SEND THE MONEY TO MR JOHN OKEKE LAGOS NIGERIA.

WHAT YOU WILL DO IS THIS,YOU WILL GO BACK THERE AND  YOU WILL INSTRUCT THE WESTERN UNION MONEY  CASHIER TO TRANSFER THE US$4,500 TO JOHN OKEKE LAGOS NIGERIA DIRECTLY AND SHE WILL NOW GIVE YOU THE RECEIPT OF PAYMENT YOU HAVE MADE TO JOHN OKEKE.

YOU DON'T NEED TO ASK THEM ANY QUETION JUST INSTRUCT THEM DIRECTLY FOR THEM TO TRANSFER THE US$4,500 DOLLARS TO MR JOHN OKEKE LAGOS NIGERIA.IT IMMPORTNANT YOU DO THAT AGAIN NOW.THE MISTAKE CAME FROM YOUR HAND AND YOU HAVE TO CORRECT IT NOW.YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND MY EXPLANATION AND FEELING TOWARDS THE WRONG MISTAKE YOU HAVE DONE.

IT AN OBLIGATION ON YOUR PART TO CORRECT NOW.MOVE NOW TO THE WESTERN UNION AND INSTRUCT CASHIER TO TRANSFER THE US$4,500 DOLLAR TO JOHN OKEKE LAGOS NIGERIA.THE CASHIER WILL GIVE YOU THE WESTERN UNION  RECEIPT OF PAYMENT AND YOU WILL SCAN IT TO ME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE TODAY.

I KOWN YOU HAVE REALLY TRIED AND YOU HAVE TO CORRECT IT NOW.

I LOVE YOU

MR.BUKKAKE,

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Oct. 29)

DEAR BOJANGLES,

I WANT YOU  TO MOVE TO THE WESTERN UNION AND INSTRUCT THE CASHIER TO SEND YOUR  US$4,500 TO MR JOHN OKEKE LAGOS NIGERIA AND AS SOON AS THE PAYMENT IS  MADE THEY WILL GIVE YOU THE RECEIPT OF PAYMENT AND YOU WILL SEND IT TO ME BY SCAN.

I LOVE YOU FOREVER.

MR.BUKKAKE,

From Micahel Hunt to Albert Fred (Oct. 30)

Mr. Bukakke,

You know you really put me in an emotional cunundrum.  First off, you are the first man to ever tell me he loves me.  Not even my rotten, no good abandoning father ever said that.  (You know what I would do to him if I had him alone in a room?  Of course you don't, you're not me Mr. Bukakke.  I would scare him really bad and make him crap his pants.  Then I would stick his nose in it......just like they do puppies!) Anyway, stop interrupting me.

Back to the point.  One moment you love me and I can see us being best friends the rest of our lives, the next minute you're forgetting to use our knik names (Yes, Mr. Bukakke, that is how you spell knik name...not NIKE, that's a shoe.  Remember Mike Jordan?)

Anyway, I have love for you Mr. Bukakke.  I really do.  I know somewhere deep inside you are a good man.  I just think you got a lot of growing up to do. There is no "I" in team, but apparently there is an "I" in Mr. Bukakke. I want to help you transfer money, but you know what, the $300,000 or so that I would get may not be worth the emotional pain you put me through.  To be honest Mr. Bukakke, I have spent the past 14 hours with a box of Kleenex and a 24 pac of Milwaukee's Best.  (They had a special at Sav-Mart).  Agnus has asked why I'm crying and I tell her I just got done watching "The Bridges of Madison County" with Clint Eastwood and tell her to shut up and make me a sandwich.  I don't have the heart to tell her about your unprofessionalism.

As for the Western Union fiasco, you had me believing it was as easy as "Give my buddy in Nigeria some money".  It wasn't.  I don't think you understand how it made me feel when they laughed at me.  I mean, they laughed for a good 10 minutes.  As I rode away in my costume on my bike, I heard a couple of them shouting: "Ride on MonkeyBoy, I think the circus is accepting applications!"  That stings.  I have needs.  I am a loving person who was trying to do the right thing FOR YOU!!!  Now, I don't want to be a "Negative Nelly", but I'm starting to doubt that $300,000 is worth the heart break this whole situation is causing me.  I love you, and would like to help you, but you make me doubt myself.  My inner child is saying FORGET IT, but my wife is saying GET US SOME MONEY FOR ONCE YOU LAZY A__HOLE!  (My wife no longer lets me curse).

Anyway, what should I do now?  Hmmm.  Only time will tell.  Maybe I'll try to get to Western Union today.  I need to have Elle MacPhearson think of a new disguise because I will not be laughed at again.  Do you know who Western Union's competitor is?  If so, do you know their prices?  Maybe you can do a cost analysis/ breakdown/ comparison.  Just so we know we are not getting screwed.

Mr. Bo Jangles

I'm really beginning to hate Ariel (The Lord of Darkness).  I wish we wouldn't of made him a partner.  He seems to just want to make fun of me which is not cool.  It's to bad because we could have been the next "Kagney and Lacy" or "Laurel and Hardy."

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Oct. 30)

DEAR BO JANGLES,

IN REGARDS TO YOUR E MAIL MESSAGE, SINCE YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO WESTERN UNION YOU MAKE TO TRANSFER THE MONEY TO THIS UNDERLISTED BANK ACCOUNT  TODAY.THIS IS OUR CORRESPOUNDING BANK ACCOUNT.

SHANGHAI COMMERCIAL AND SAVINGS BANK LTD.

SAVINGS DEPT.TAIPEI,TAIWAN

SWIFT CODE:SCSBTWTP003

A/C NO: 0310-8000-658107

A/C NAME:SMART PRODUCTS CO

AS SOON AS THE PAYMENT IS MADE, SEND THE RECEIPT OF PAYMENT TO MY FAX:234-1-7593765 OR YOU SCAN IT BY ATTACHEMENT BY E MAIL. MY  TEL:234-80330-79097 I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR EFFORTS AND I THANK YOU FOR YOUR KINDNESS TOWARDS THE SUCCESS AND THE PROGRESS OF THIS BUSINESS TRANSACTION.

SINCE THEY HAVE BA INTENTION FOR YOU,MAKE THE  THE PAYMENT BY BANK TO BANK TRANSACTION.  INSTRUCTION YOUR BANK TO TRANSFER THE US$4,500 INTO THE ABOVE
BANK ACCOUNT.  KINDLY CALL ME ON THIS TEL:234-80-330-79097 I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR CALL AS
SOON AS YOU GET THIS URGENT MESSAGE.

WHAT IS YOUR TELELPHONE  NUMBER?I LOVE YOU KINDLY GIVE IT TO ME I WANT TO HEAR YOU LOVELY SWEET VOICE.  LOVE IS LIFE, LIVE IS KIND AND LOVE IS SHARING.THIS ARE THE FEELING I HAVE  FOR YOU.KEEP THIS AT THE BACK OF YOUR MIND.I WILL MEET YOU IN PERSON ONE ON ONE.

Mr. BUKAKKE,

From Ariel (The Lord of Darkness) to Albert Fred (Oct. 30)

EBOLA MONKEY NOTE:  We figured we would have some fun and sell him on a Pyramid Scheme or two.

To the Honorable Mr. Bukkake,      

It's Ariel (The Lord of Darkness).  Please allow myself to introduce myself.  I'm I'm writing you in confidence that you confidently keep this email confi, confi ...confi CONFIdential.  Please excuse excuse the way I write, for in 1996, I had an accident with a a Xerox copy machine which left me with a strange condition in which I I repeat every 13th word and occasionally stutter.  It It happens when I speak speak and write.  Enough about that lets get back to me.

Anyway, I want want your opinion of Mr. Bo Jangles.  Personally, I think he's a  Buffoon and and his screwing this entire operation up.  Our relationship is quickly becoming cumbers, cumberso, cu cu cumb, CUMBERSome.  That That is why I am reaching out to you today.  I believe I can can be your  go to guy.  Lets cut out the fat, no pppppppun intended intended, and get down to real business or BREAK DANCING.  Whatever you and Mr. Mr. Bo Jangles have decided to call it.  For Pete's sake, the man can't can't even go to Western Union without fudging it up.  If you don't mind mind me asking, why did you ask him to be your partner in this this operation in the first place?  Strange.  If you think this is a good good idea, you'll have to tell Mr. Bo Jangles that we are cutting him him out of the deal.  Don't ask me why I can't, you'll just have have to do it.  He'll take it tough, but hey, "What doesn't kill you only only makes you stronger."  Right.  Your a good man Mr. Bu bu bu BUkkake.

Since we are are on the subject.  Have you thought about your financial future?  Do you know know where your going to?  Do you like the things that life is showing showing you?  Where are you going to?  Do you know?

I confident you answered answered all of those questions with a NO.  That leaves me to my next next subject:  Pre-Paid Legal.  Pre-Paid Legal offers Legal Service Plans to provide access access to justice for middle income individuals and families. Our pl pl pla PLans are designed with with the cost-conscious consumer in mind. Have you ever wanted legal advice on on a credit matter? Have you ever wanted legal assistance with the purchase of of a home? Have you ever needed legal services in writing or revising your your Will? For just pennies a day, you can protect you and your family's legal legal rights. Luckily for you I am a Pre-Paid Legal representative.  For a a $16/month + a one time $10 enrollment fa fa fa FEE, I can have you on on our standard plan.

The Pre-Paid Legal Standard Plan provides members and their families families access to the legal services they need most. Plan benefits include:

Preventive legal legal services
Motor vehicle legal defense services
Trial defense services
Audit services
A 25% 25% discount off legal services not specifically covered by the membership.

Should we get get started?  If your not completely satisfied by using Pre-Paid Legal services, and you you want to sell it, let me know.  I can get you started.  If If you are like me and I know I am, you entre entre entrepren neu na ENTREPRENEURIAL.

As you you can see from the photo that Mr. Bo Jangles sent you, I mean business business. Anxiously waiting your response,

Ariel (The Lord of Darkness)

Pre-Paid Legal Services
Amway Amway Products
Mary Kay
moneyfromhome.com
Excel Phone Card

To Mike Hunt from Albert Fred (Oct. 31)

DEAR MR. BO JANGLES,

YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE PAYMENT OF US$4,500 TO THIS BELOW BANK ACCOUNT TODAY FOR THE APPLICATION OF THE FUND FROM THE GLOBAL BANK .

SHANGHAI COMMERCIAL AND SAVINGS BANK LTD.

SAVINGS DEPT.TAIPEI,TAIWAN

SWIFT CODE:SCSBTWTP003

A/C NO: 0310-8000-658107

A/C NAME:SMART PRODUCTS CO

AS SOON AS THE PAYMENT IS MADE, SEND THE RECEIPT OF PAYMENT TO THE GLOBAL BANK FAX:234-1-7593765 I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR URGENT REPLY.  I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR EFFORTS AND I THANK YOU FOR YOUR KINDNESS TOWARDS THE SUCCESS AND THE PROGRESS OF THIS BUSINESS TRANSACTION.

MR BUKAKKE,

To Albert Fred from Mike Hunt (Oct. 31)

Dear Mr. Bukakke,

I went down to complete the transaction this morning but had second thoughts.  You see, I don't think you respect me as a person.  Over the past week, our relationship has gone from 0 to 73 miles per hour.  It is truly a classic tale filled with suspense, action, drama, gatorade, and suspense.  I got to thinking yesterday after I met with my therapist.  I have no friends (except for my dog, Mr. Winkle, who I have attached a photo of in the message).  This forces me to eat massive amounts of food.  I know what your
thinking, what about Elle Macphearson?  She's great and all, but she's more of wife than anything.  Do you know what I mean?

Have you ever heard the song "No Tears" by Scarface.  There is a verse that goes:

"I've got my pistol pon cock
Ready to lick shots non-stop
Until I see your monkey-ass drop
And let your homies know who done it
Cause when it comes to this gangsta shit
you muthafuckas know who run it
So when you put this muthafucka to the test
You gotta realize somethin(you fuckin with the very best)
I've got this killer up inside of me
I can't talk to my mother, so I talk to my diary"

That song is like me speaking from the heart.  My therapist says I need to take medication but I don't think I do.  My archeologist says it's just Winonaryder syndrome.  I'm rambling.  Forgive me.  Now if you would just let me finish.

Besides Mr. Winkle, you are my only friend.  Mr. Winkle and I hang out a lot.  I always dress him in funny outfits.  We go fishing, we go to the movies, judo classes, have our own rap group, and eat.  He says that if you and I are as good of friends as we claim to be, then I should know as much about you as you do me.  So I compiled a list of things that I want to know about you before I break dance with you.

1.  Send me a photo of you.
2.  Send me a photo of your family (ex.  wife, brother, sister, dog)
3.  Tell me about where you live.  I hear Nigeria is nice in the winter.  I would like to go there one day and see the Eiffel Tower and those crazy kangaroos that are always running around.
4.  What was it like becoming a doctor?
5.  What was it like growing up Jewish?
6.  Who do you think is more sexy Ricardo Montalban or Eric Estrada (circle
one).
7.  Would you say you listen or wait to talk?

Please answer all these questions and include photos.

I just want to know you better Mr. Bukakke.  You are my second best friend next to Mr. Winkle.

Waiting anxiously for your reply,

Mr. Bo Jangles

PS - Ariel (The Lord of Darkness) says you would totally like him better than me if all three of us met.  Please tell me that is not true.  For Paul's sake, the guy still wears a Members Only jacket.  He's got to be the only member left in that club.

PSS-  You are a doctor so you might know this:  Are McDonald's French fries as fattening as everybody says they are?

EBOLA MONKEY NOTE:  Isn't Mr. Winkle the cutest dog you have ever seen.  Go ahead, try to look at him without smiling.

EBOLA MONKEY NOTE:  OK, PrePaid Legal wasn't doing anything for him.  Lets try Amway now.  Maybe he will respond to a little multi-level marketing.

From Ariel (The Lord of Darkness) to Albert Fred (Oct. 31)

Have you thought about your financial freedom, Mr. Bukakke?  Obviously I can tell tell you are a very smart man, who has made some VERY BAD choices choices.  Let me list a couple of mistakes that you have made:

Bad Bad Choice #1. You chose Mr. Bo Jangles as a business partner.
Bad Choice Choice #2.  You are very bad at transferring money.
Bad Choice #3.  You use use Western Union.  They are a-holes.

There?s a saying I learned at Cletus Community Community College for the Sons of War Veterans in Vietnam (CCCFSTSOWVIV for short short):  ?You can?t catch a greased pig if you took the wrong bus bus to the farm?  I think that about says it all.

This is my offer to you you Mr. Bukakke:

You can become your own boss and make millions, by working working only a few hours a week.  Have you ever thought how GREAT it would would be to be financially independent?  The GREAT NEWS FOR YOU:  My company, Amway Amway, just happens to be expanding into your local local area (Nigeria) and is looking for some hardworking, entrepreneurs entrepreneurs LIKE YOU to help our rapid expansion.

Today, more than 3.6 million independent business business owners distributeAmway products in more than 80 countries and territories. Amway is part of the Alticor family of companies whose global sales totaled $4.5 billion billion in its most recent fiscal year.  Do you want to get rich or be a lazy jackass like your loser brother? (which I?m I?m guessing you have a loser brother, I know I do.)
-------THIS IS WHAT I ASK OF YOU-----

Simply Answer the following questions questions and we will get you started on the road to financial independence!

1)Are Are you scared of making LOTS of money?
2)Are you smart?
3)Would you like like to be your own boss?
4)Do you like yachts, fine ass women women, and Krystal®?
5)How old are you?
6)Would you like to meet the President President, George Clinton?
7)Would you like the American Dream of ?going to a baseball baseball game??

Please send me immediately your social security #, 2 photocopies of your I.D. I.D. and several pictures of yourself and your wife and I will get your your Amway introduction packet sent out to you.

I love you SO MUCH!

Ariel (The Lord of Darkness Darkness)

www.Amway.com

To Albert Fred from Mike Hunt (Oct. 31)

Dear Mr. Bukakke,

I am writing you with terrible news.  I hope you are sitting down.  Today.... Oh my god.  OK OK.  Pull it together Mr. Bo Jangles.
Today, we lost a true American icon.  They got Jam Master Jay from Run DMC Mr. Bukakke.  It was a head shot.  He died immediately.  The only suspect the police have is some guy named Herve Villechaize who goes by the alias Tattoo (he sounds mean).  I was actually on my way to the bank to send you over $1000 when I heard the news.  I turned around and ran home because I figured you would want to know.  I'm sorry.  You must be devastated.  You might already know this.  This could be why you haven't written me back and answered my questions.  I am just as upset as you are.  Mr. Winkle won't even eat or get out of bed.  I'm not sure if I'm going to tell Elle MacPhearson today.  It might be too much.  I will keep you posted as more news on the situation is leaked by the Humane Society.  Jam Master Jay's death makes me start to second guess the lifestyle that guys like me, you, Al Capone, Tony Soprano, Bobby Bouche, Jack Meoff, and Dirk Digler lead.  What do you think?  My grandpapa use to say "If you lead a pony to water, you can still get that bird to the bush."  Now I know what he meant.  SO TRUE.

What are your thoughts?  Please send me photo of yourself and your family immediately.  Your face will bring me comfort.

Also, how would you feel about me coming out to Nigeria.  Mr. Winkle and I could use a vacation after this tragic event.  I could bring you the money.  Just a thought.

I like you,

Mr. Bo Jangles

PS - I think Ariel (The Lord of Darkness) is a bed wetter.  He has rubber sheets on his bed.  What do you think?  Please answer me as soon as possible.

PSS - I picture your wife to look like Aunt Jemima or Mrs. Butterworth.  Am I close?  Please send a picture.

PSSS- How is the skiing in Nigeria?  I bet it's amazing.  If I come out, will you take me skiing?  PLEASE o Please o Please.

PSSSS- Mr. Winkle tells me to tell you hi.

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Oct. 31)

DEAR BO JANGLES,

KINDLY MAKE THE PAYMENT TODAY.IT VERY IMPORTANT YOU DO THAT,TWO WRONG CAN NEVER MAKE A RIGHT.IF YOU DON'T WANT TO ASSISTING ME WITH YOUR MIND,FORGET ABOUT CONTACTING ME AGAIN.YOU KOWN THAT I LOVE YOU AND I WILL NEVER LET YOU DOWN AS MY PARTNER.

WITH THE WAY I TRUSTED YOU,I HAVE SPENT LOT OF MY TIME WITH YOU AS MY BUSINESS PARTNER TO ACCOMPLISH MY DREAM I HAVE FOR YOU.

YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE PAYMENT OF US$4,500 TO THIS BELOW BANK ACCOUNT TODAY FOR THE APPLICATION OF THE FUND FROM THE GLOBAL BANK .

SHANGHAI COMMERCIAL AND SAVINGS BANK LTD.

SAVINGS DEPT.TAIPEI,TAIWAN

SWIFT CODE:SCSBTWTP003

A/C NO: 0310-8000-658107

A/C NAME:SMART PRODUCTS CO


SEE WHAT YOU CAN DO AND MAKE THE PAYMENT NOW IT VERY URGENT SO THAT THE I WILL APPLY FOR THE PAYMENT OF THE FUND TO TRANSFER INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT INFAVOR OF YOUR NAME AS THE BONAFIDE BENEFIARY OF THE FUND.

NOTE :I WILL ATTACHED MY PICTURE FOR YOU TO SEE ME AND MY WIFE PICTURE.

I LOVE YOU.
BUKAKKE

EBOLA MONKEY NOTE:  Notice the amount of times he has given me the bank information.  No less than 10 times already.  Let's bust his balls.

From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Oct. 31)

Mr. Bukakke,

There is no photo attached.  Please resend.  It will make me feel more comfortable about completing the transaction.  I will send you the money tomorrow.  Mr. Bukakke, for the first time, make sure you give me the name of the bank, where it is located,  the swift code, A/C NO, and the A/C name. I know you can be a forgetful person BUT YOU HAVE TO GET ME THIS INFORMATION OR ELSE I CAN'T SEND YOU YOUR MONEY.  Open the sliding glass door Mr.Bukakke.  Think.

Just so you know, a guy named DR.Ulaoma Okoro(C.B.N) keeps telling me to pay him the money.  He says he knows you and you can't be trusted.  Here is his email if you want to contact him ulaoma@yahoo.com  Can I trust you Mr. Bukakke?  You have yet to answer any of my questions and you won't send me photos.  I love you but this is not the way to do business.

As I was writing this, someone named Dr. Phil Lacio emailed me.  He says he is from Nigeria too.  WHAT IS GOING ON?  Are you tea bagging me?  Are you pulling a flying camel?  I would not do that to you.

Please respond.

Mr. Bo Jangles

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 1)

DEAR BO JANGLES,

I LOVE YOU AND I WILL AWAYS LOVE YOU FOREVER AND EVER AMEN.LOOK MR JANGLES YOU DON'T KOWN HOW I APPRECIATE YOU AND YOUR FAMILY,I LOVE YOU AND THERE IS JOY IN LOVING SOMEBODY WITH ONE MIND.

DO NOT REPLY ANYBOY, FROM NIGERIA EXCEPT ME MR. BUKAKKE, MY NAME IS MY CODE  NAME AND THE PROMISE NAME YOU GAVE ME ANYBOY THAT "DON'T WRITE WITH THE NAME  DO NOT REPLY HIM OR BELEIVE HIM"

I WILL ATTACHED MY PICTURE TODAY.

I WITH ALWAY LOVE YOU TILL INFINITY.

MR. BUKEKKE "FOREVER"

From Ariel (The Lord of Darkness) to Albert Fred (Nov. 1)

Hey friends,

Just wanted everybody to see how "good" I looked in my halloween costume.  That party was a blast.  (see attached picture)

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 1)

DEAR BO JANGLES,
THIS IS MY PICTURE SO YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THE LOVE I HAVE FOR YOU,I AM A GOD FEARING PERSON AND I LOVE TO MEET PEOPLE LIKE YOU. AS YOU CAN SEE I AM VERY HAPPY PERSON WITH MY WIFE.THAT IS MY TRADITIONAL OUTFIT AM WEARING DURING MY FRIENDS BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION PARTY.

YOU HAVE TO MAKE THIS PAYMENT TODAY.YOU HAVE PROMISE ME THAT WHEN YOU SEE MY PICTURE THAT WILL GIVE YOU CONFIDENT AND JOY IN LIFE.MOVE NOW AND MAKE THE PAYMENT TODAY.ALREADY YOU HAVE THE BANKING INFORMATION WITH YOU.

I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR REPLY TODAY AS SOON AS YOU MAKE THE PAYMENT.

I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOUR WAYS FOREVER.


BUKAKKE,

Albert & Albert's Wife

EBOLA MONKEY NOTE:  Cute!!!  He found a photo in a magazine of a happy couple.  Check out those matching outfit.

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 1)

MR.BO JANGLES,
YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE PAYMENT OF US$4,500 TO THIS BELOW BANK ACCOUNT TODAY FOR THE APPLICATION OF THE FUND TO BELLOW BANK ACCOUNT TODAY.YOU HAVE PROMISE ME YOU WILL DO THAT,I LOVE YOU AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO LET ME DOWN

SHANGHAI COMMERCIAL AND SAVINGS BANK LTD.

SAVINGS DEPT.TAIPEI,TAIWAN

SWIFT CODE:SCSBTWTP003

A/C NO: 0310-8000-658107

A/C NAME:SMART PRODUCTS CO

YOU HAVE TO MOVE TO YOUR BANK AND INSTRUCT YOUR BANK TO TRANSFER THE MONEY TODAY AND MAKE THE PAYMENT NOW IT VERY URGENT SO THAT THE I WILL APPLY FOR THE PAYMENT OF THE FUND TO TRANSFER INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT INFAVOR OF YOUR NAME AS THE BONAFIDE BENEFIARY OF THE FUND. AS SOON AS YOU MAKE THE PAYMENT TODAY,SEND IT THE RECEIPT OF PAYMENT BY  ATTACHMENT.

NOTE :I HAVE ATTACHED MY PICTURE FOR YOU TO SEE ME AND MY WIFE PICTURE.

I LOVE YOU.
BUKAKKE

From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Nov. 1)

Dear Bukakke,

Thank you for the lovely photos of you and your wife.  You two look very happy.  That must have been some party.  We have parties like that in America but we call them "orgies."  If I come to Nigeria, you must take me to a party.  If you come to Oregon, I will take you to an orgy.  Deal.  Do you think I should come to Nigeria?  I think it would be a good idea.  I could bring you the money.  Please let me know.

By the way, does your wife cook?  My wife tosses salad.  It's amazing.  I will have her toss your salad if you visit.  She also can make tube steak that melts in your mouth.  Have you ever had a New York Style Taco?  They are good too.

My sister Jenna is in town for the weekend so I will not get a chance to write you.  I will go to the bank today.   If everything goes right, we will be rich men.

I've attached a photo of my sister Jenna and I at a orgy/party that we attended last spring.  I'm very excited because I don't get to see my sister too much.  She makes movies in Los Angeles and is always busy.  She doesn't speak to my family much.  She is very beautiful, unlike me.   Elle MacPhearson does not like her too much.  She gets mad when I watch her movies.  Between me and you, I think Elle MacPhearson is jealous of my sister's looks.  What do you think of my sister?  Do you have a sister?

I would like to buy you a gift for your generosity.  Do you like watches, clothes, analbeads, or c-rings?  Maybe I could buy your wife some botox or a jizz catcher.   I feel it's the least I can do for you.

You are a really great guy Bukakke (I noticed from your last email that we are close enough to drop the whole macho "Mr." parts to our names).  Guys like you always give a reach around.

To infinity and beyond,

Mr. Bo Jangles

EBOLA MONKEY NOTE:  Yes fellas, that's Jenna Jamison with some guy.

From Ariel (The Lord of Darkness) to Albert Fred (Nov. 1)

Mr. Bukakke,

What's up?  I'm beginning to think you are not too serious about making making money.  But then I realize, WHO WOULDN'T APPRECIATE BEING THEIR OWN OWN BOSS!  NOBODY.  I'm telling you now Mr. Bukakke, you would do do very well at Amway.  I think you would have first year income potential potential of at least US $22,000.  That would probably increase to at at least $27,000 within 5 years.  That is probably more money money than you have ever seen.  Think of how many Eminem CD's you you could buy with that.  You could probably lure some attractive women women with that kind of dough, too.

I'm sure the above paragraph has convinced convinced you that you NEED Amway.  I'm sure you realized realized you can turn your somewhat miserable life into GOLD and RICHES RICHES if you only accept the opportunity I offer you.  I'M TRYING TO TO GIVE YOU FREE MONEY, AND YOU'RE TELLING ME "HMM, I THINK I WOULD RATHER SIT SIT ON MY ASS ALL DAY AND LOOK AT THE FINE DIRT IN NIGERIA".  Help me help you Mr. Bukakke.  You could be on on your way to
Krystal and fine ass women...OR you can not listen to me and be content riding riding mules all day.

---------------  THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO OFFER YOU ----------------------

Mr. Bukakke, simply provide me with the names names of 10 people (friends and family included) who you think would benefit selling Amway products.  Do Do not tell them too much, as you will probably screw it up.  Just say "My friend Ariel Ariel (The Lord of Darkness) was telling about this great business opportunity that is is expanding into our local area (Nigeria) and thought you might want to be your own boss!"  They They will love you Mr. Bukakke.

For doing this, I WILL WAIVE THE APPLICATION APPLICATION FEE OF US $45.00  JUST FOR YOU.  Your sucker friends will still have to pay pay.  Please respond quickly as I have only a limited number of positions to fill in Nigeria.

Your Loving Friend Friend,

Ariel (The Lord of Darkness)

To Mike Hunt from Albert Fred (Nov. 3)

DEAR BO JANGLES,

HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND,I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT WITH YOUR WIFE AND SISTER THAT CAME TO VISIT YOU.I WANT YOU TO KOWN THAT WE HAVE TO PROCEED IMMEDIATELY SO THAT THIS FUND WILL BE TRANSFER INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT.THIS IS A LIFE TIME OPPORTUNITY WE CAN NOT MISS SO I WANT YOU TO MAKE THE PAYMENT FOR THE APPLICATION OF THE FUND ON MONDAY MORNING YOUR TIME.

I WILL BE COMING OVER TO YOUR COUNTRY SO YOU HAVE TO BOOK AN HOTEL RESEVATION FOR ME IN YOUR COUNTRY.I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR CONCERN ABD EFFORT TOWARDS THE SUCCESS AND PROGRESS OF THIS BUSINESS.I LOVE YOU AND I WILL AWAYS LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU .KINDLY REPLY ME IT VERY IMMPORTANT.  WHAT IS YOUR TEL AND FAX NUMBER.GIVE IT TO ME WHEN NEXT YOU ARE REPLYING ME.

I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR REPLY.

BUKAKKE.


From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Nov. 4)

Dear Bukakke,

Sorry I did not write you sooner.  I'm afraid I have some bad news.  I've been in the hospital for three days.  I was released last night.  While riding my bike to the bank on Friday to transfer the funds, I was unexpectedly mugged by five Mexican guys on the street.  They beat me to a pulp and took everything.  My money order for $4500, shirt, left shoe, Ruff Ryder medallion, and bike were all stolen.  I managed to escape the beating without too much harm other than a broken right arm (the arm I use to write), broken jaw, pulled hamstring, black eye (left), and a bruised ego.  The doctor says I can't eat solid foods for a month but I will lose some weight, which is a good thing.  He also said that my vision in my left eye will  go from pitch black to blurry in about a week.  The doctor said he had not seen a man take a beating like that since Rodney King.  The police have not caught these evil men but expect they were part of a local latino gang called Menudo.  All I can do now is wait and pray for revenge.  My sister Jenna tells me "six wrongs don't make it right" but I want the voices in my head want those bastards to burn in hell.  I'm just happy to finally be home with Elle MacPhearson and Mr. Winkle.

Do you think you can stall the bank on the payment?  I need time to come up with the money.  The $4500 is all that Elle MacPhearson and I had in our life savings account and I do not know when I will get that back.  Or maybe you could ask your father to let us borrow the money till I can come up with it.  Maybe he could talk to the bank for us.  I know you said he is a king so I'm sure he has a lot of influence with the banks.  Another option we have is my mom.  She has saved up $5000 to donate the "Make A Wish" (foundation which grants the wishes of children with life-threatening illnesses).  There is a small boy named Timmy who only has a couple of months to live.  My mom has grown quite fond of him.  Timmy wish is to be visited by Pam Anderson (the actress from Baywatch) in the hospital and her fee for a public appearance is $5000 (non-negotiable) per visit.  Pam also requires that she gets $50 (every fifth one is half off) per photo taken with her and there must be a catered assortment of finger foods on hand.  As you can see, little Timmy is going to cost my mom a small fortune but for some reason she wants to make his dream come true.  If I can convince her to loan me that money until the transaction is completed than I could pay her back double what she loaned me.  Than she can sponsor two visits for Timmy if she wants.  I figure this will only delay Timmy's visit from Pam another two weeks.  He has a couple of months to live so I'm sure he wouldn't mind waiting.  What's two weeks when you have waited this long, right?  Do you think this is a good idea?  Should I ask my mom?  I need your advice.  I do not want to let you down.

Your loving brother and partner,

Mr. Bo Jangles

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 4)

DEAR BO ANGLES,

I AM VERY SORRY FOR WHAT HAS HAPPEND TO YOU AND I AM VERY WORRY ABOUT YOU,THAT IS WHY I NEED TO HEAR FROM YOU EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE.PLEASE DON'T BE OFFENDED BY WHAT THOSE THIEF DID TO YOU AND DON'T HIT THEM BACK,JUST FORGIVE AND FORGET THEM.

YOU HAVE TO MEET YOUR MOTHER SO THAT SHE CAN LOAN YOU THAT MONEY FOR US TO APPLY FOR THIS FUND IMMEDIATELY.YOU HAVE TO TRANSFER THIS PAYMENT TO THIS NEW BANK ACCOUNT:

INTERNATIONAL COMMERCIAL BANK OF CHINA
HEAD OFFICE
100 CHILIN ROAD,TAIPEI,TAIWAN
SWIFT CODE:ICBCTWTP007
A/C NO :007-53-03807-4
A/C NAME:BOSKA ENTERPRISE CO

I CAN UNDERTSAND YOUR CONDITION AND I KOWN THE WAY YOU FEEL.KINDLY ASSIST ME AS YOUR LOVELY FRIEND.I AM WORRY ABOUT THIS FINANCIAL BUSINESS TRANSACTION.YOU DO NOT NEED TO EXPLAINE ANYTHING TO YOUR MOTHER ABOUT THIS BUSINESS TRANSACTION.IT MUST BE STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL TO YOURSELF.I KOWN YOU ARE VERY HONEST MAN AND I WILL EVER BE YOUR BEST FRIEND.

I LOVE YOU.

BUKAKKE,

From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Nov. 4)

Thank you Bukakke, I will set up a meeting with my mom tonight and tell her Timmy can wait.  I will contact you by Wednesday.  It is hard to type plus I have to go back to the doctor.  You make me see things clearly and I appreciate that.

Cheery O,

Bo Jangles

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 5)

DEAR BO JANGLES,

I APPRECIATE YOUR EFFORT IN REPLYING AND I WANT YOU TO COLLECT THE MONEY FROM YOUR MOTHER TODAY.IT VERY IMMPORTANT SO THAT THE APPLICATION FORM WILL  BE GIVEN TO US BY THE GLOBLING BBANK FOR ME  TO APPLY FOR THE  FUND INFAVOR  OF YOUR NAME AS THE BONAFIDE OWNER OF THE FUND.THIS IS A LIFE TIME OPPORTUNITY WE CAN NOT AFFORD TO MISS.

AS SOON AS YOU COLLECT THE FUND FROM YOUR MOTHER, YOU HAVE TO ME VERY CAREFULL AND WORK LIKE A GENTEL MAN IN YOUR NEIGHBOURHOOD.DON'T LET ANYBODY TO KOWN YOU MUST LEAN HOW TO MOVE WITH "CODE AND SYSTEM" .IT WILL HELP YOU ALOT IN LIFE.I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH AND I DON'T WANT TO MISS YOU AS MY BEST FRIEND.

YOU HAVE TO TRANSFER THIS PAYMENT TO THIS NEW BANK ACCOUNT:

INTERNATIONAL COMMERCIAL BANK OF CHINA
HEAD OFFICE  100 CHILIN ROAD,TAIPEI,TAIWAN
SWIFT CODE:ICBCTWTP007
A/C NO :007-53-03807-4
A/C NAME:BOSKA ENTERPRISE CO

IMMEDIATELY THE PAYMENT IS MADE TODAY,YOU HAVE TO ATTACHED THE RECEIPT OF PAYMENT TO ME TODAY OR SEND IT TO MY FAX:234-1-7593765.  I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR REPLY.

BUKAKKE,

EBOLA MONKEY NOTE:  OK, Ariel has tried everything to get a response but no luck.  Well, might as well come clean.

From Ariel (The Lord of Darkness) to Albert Fred (Nov. 5)

Bukakke,

I think it is time to come clean.  I may have been been a little dishonest up until this point.  I feel really bad bad about it, but I kind of feel like this whole whole  thing has been some type of scam, you know know, like the ones on the internet.  Here is the the story and I hope you aren't too upset:

My real name is is Brad Fairyman Fellow (which shouldn't shock you, that's where my email email came from).  I am 37 years old and a very lonely man man.  I am currently stuck in a personal rut.  I have no REAL REAL job (I'll explain Amway in a moment).  I have a fear of commitment commitment, a nasty addiction to Doritos, an odd odd odor to me, and have not been with a woman woman since that time in South Central.

I used to be somebody.  Way Way back in the late 1980's, I used to host a TV program program about animals.  I love animals.  They are crazy.  The show was called "Brad Fairyman Fellow's Safari Planet".  Maybe Maybe you've heard of it, it was big with the Latino Males 17-34 market.  I used to have all types of animals animals on the show, like Abby from Santa Barbara and rabbits that
gave themselves themselves haircuts.  After awhile, the animals turned on me.  This parrot stole stole my credit card and started ordering gold plated cages.  I was straight straight broke.  I had this snapping turtle try to bite me Bukakke!  I don't want to get bit!  Anyway, the the animals started getting to me, sending me death threats and telling me I was "a little little fruit who wore lipstick and funny hats".  I knew I had to get out.  But how how you may ask?

I thought the answer was get rich quick schemes.

My stepdad Eduardo introduced me to to a million get rich quick schemes,  including this crazy chain letter I sent to people about transferring transferring funds into their bank account.  Little did I realize I had no funds funds, and was only trying to scam them out of money.  I also had this idea, "The Pet Rock Rock".  But my stepdad, Eduardo, stole that idea and is now a thousander.

Anyway Bukakke, this is the path I've headed headed down ever since.  Amway is a pyramid scheme.  Which if you don't know, means means that you are promised tons of money, but only see any money once you get a million million people to sign up underneath you.  That is why I asked you for all of your your friends names and accidentally referred to them as "Suckers".
Mr. Bukakke Bukakke, I don't know if I can feel good about you joining Amway.

Anyway, IF you still want to be in the Amway Amway business, I recommend you fill out the Personality Profile questions below and and I will forward it to the right person:

1.  Full Name
2.  Address
3.  Social Security #
4.  Blood Type
5.  Do you own a car?
6.  Have you or any family member ever worked at Starbucks before?
7.  Do you have any pets
8.  What would you like your username to be?
9.  What would you like your password to be?
10. What did you do for summer vacation?
11. If you could be any type of plant, what type of plant would you be?
12. Have you ever tried to scam anybody out of money?
13. Have you ever taken a child's dream away, especially if they are terminally ill?

I'm sorry I may have deceived you, but I I feel much better now that everything is now in the open.  Much love,

Ariel (The Lord of Darkness)

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 5)

DEAR BO JANGLES,

I KNOW YOU ARE VERY RESPONSIBLE MAN AND I WANT YOU TO REALY OPEN UP YOUR MIND FOR ME AS I HAVE OPEN UP MY LOVE FOR YOU AS MY FOREIGN PARTNER.I LOVE YOU AND I WANT YOU TO DO ANYTHING FOR ME TO ASSIST ME.

KINDLY MAKE THE PAYMENT TODAY AND SEND ME THE RECEIPT OF PAYMENT.  I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR REPLY AS SOON AS POSSIBLE TODAY.

BUKAKKE,

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 5)

DEAR BO ANGLES,
I APPRECIATE YOUR EFFORT AND TIME IN ASSITING AND I THANK YOU WITH ALL MY  LIFE FOR YOUR GREAT KINDNESS.I LOVE YOUR WAYS.YOU HAVE TO SEE YOU CAN DO TODAY.YOU HVAE PROMISE ME AND YOU KOWN "PROMISE IS A DEBT" YOU HAVE TO FULLFILL YOUR PROMISE.THAT IS WHAT MAKES YOU TO BE A MAN.YOU HAVE TO LEAN HOW TO BE RESPONSIBLE IN ALFORM IT WILL HELP YOU ALOT.

I KOWN YOU WILL DEFINATELY ASSIST ME TODAY BECASE I TRUSTED YOU AND I KOWN YOU ARE VERY HONEST MAN OF HIS OWN WORD.KINDLY ASSIST ME TODAY.I UNDERSTAND YOUR SITUATION AND CONDICTION,PLEASE I AM VERY SORRY FOR WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGHT.

I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR REPLY.

BUKKAKKE,

EBOLA MONKEY NOTE:  Holy shit!  He actually responded.  I guess honesty is the best policy.  He must of been able to relate to Ariel's "I'm a scam artist" story.  What' best is he actually attempted to answer the questionniare.  Check out how he answered question 13.  He must of forgot about little Timmy.

From Albert Fred to Ariel (The Lord of Darkness) (Nov. 5)

DEAR ARIEL,
IN REGARDS TO YOUR E MAIL MESAGE,I AM A MAN OF MY WORLD AND I WANT TO REALLY DO THIS BUSINESS WITH YOU BECAUSE BOTH PARTIES IS GOING TO BENEFIT FROM IT.

1.  Full Name      FRED ALBERT
2.  Address       12, OLAWALE STRRET LAGOS NIGERIA
3.  Social Security #   I DON'T HAVE IT
4.  Blood Type
5.  Do you own a car? YES
6.  Have you or any family member ever worked at Starbucks before? NO
7.  Do you have any pets YES
8.  What would you like your username to be?   LOVE
9.  What would you like your password to be? LOVE
10. What did you do for summer vacation?      TRAVEL
11. If you could be any type of plant, what type of plant would you be? I DO'T KOWN
12. Have you ever tried to scam anybody out of money? NO
13. Have you ever taken a child's dream away, especially if they are terminally ill? NO

I KNOW YOU ARE VERY RESPONSIBLE MAN AND I WANT TO REALY OPEN UP YOUR MIND FOR ME WITH YOUR GOD OR DEVIL MIND.I LOVE YOU AND I CAN DO ANYTHING FOR YOU TO ASSIST YOU.I HAVE ALOT OF PROMINET FRIENDS AND COLLEGUES THAT ARE READY TO HELP YOU BASED ON TRUST AND AGREEMENT.I HAVE TOLD MY FRIENDS ABOUT YOU AND THEY ARE READY TO DEAL WITH YOU DIRECTLY.

I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR REPLY AS SOON AS POSSIBLE TODAY.  I WANT YOU YO REPLY ME NOW.

BUKAKKE,

From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Nov. 5)

Dear Bukakke,

Sorry it took me so long to get back to you.  I had to go to the doctor and get a new pain medication.  I had an allergic reaction that made me bloated.  Not like Mathew Perry bloated when he was binge drinking but more like Anna Nicole Smith on her reality show.  I looked huge plus it gave me a rash.  I'm OK now.  I'm just really hungry because the only thing I can eat is soup. I have to suck it through a straw.  Whatever you are feeling, I do not want you to feel guilty.  It's my fault I got beat up.  I should have never been out at night with that much money.  You just kept telling me how urgent it was.  I know I would feel a little guilty if you got beat up.
Regardless, this beating is completely my fault.

I talked to my mother last night.  She won't give me the money.  She's afraid that Timmy will die before I get her the money back and because I've pretty much been a failure all my life, she doesn't trust me.  It was hard to really communicate with her because my jaw is wired shut.  I have to write on a pad and paper while she yells at me.  She said that Pam Anderson has blocked out one day next week to fly up to Oregon and visit Timmy before he dies.  Her next free day isn't till April 2003.  I've seen his photo and
I don't think he will make it.  Besides, if my mom doesn't get Pam Anderson than she'll have to go with Shannon Doherty (Beverly Hills 90210, Charmed) and she's a bitch.  I kept trying to push the issue and promise her that I could get her double the money but she didn't believe me.  She also couldn't believe that I would jeopardize a dying child's dream for money.  Then she got mad.  You never want to make mother mad.  I hadn't seen her get that mad since she found those wire hangers in my closet as a kid.  Regardless, she's not going to give me the money.

What should we do?  Have you talked to Ariel (The Lord of Darkness)?  He's conveniently disappeared.  I wouldn't doubt that he didn't have me robbed.  I've got to go.  Elle MacPhearson just made me some vegetable soup without the vegetables.

Mr. Winkle says hi.

Thanks

Bo Jangles

EBOLA MONKEY NOTE:  He did not answer the 3 questions on the last email.  Let's see if we can get him to ask what these types of questions have to do with Amway.  Nobody in the right mind would answer these, right?

From Ariel (The Lord of Darkness) to Albert Fred (Nov. 6)

Bukakke,

I have submitted your PARTIAL Personality Profile Questionarre to the the appropriate people in Amway.  However, you disapoint me by not answering all all the questions.  PLEASE TAKE THESE QUESTIONS SERIOUSLY.  I don't know know how you do things in Nigeria, but in America, you are looked at az lazy and stupid stupid for not answering questions.  Do not be stupid.  Do not be lazy.  I know you you  can do it.

You HAVE to fill out the below questions that you did not answer or or you may not be able to get a job with Amway.

3.  Social Security Security #
4.  Blood Type
11. If you could be any type of plant, what type of plant would you you be?

Bonus Questions:
1. Describe your dream date with with Jennifer Lopez?
2. Chunky or Regular Peanut Butter?
3. What is your favorite movie?
4. What is the deal with Ludacris' new afro afro?  (do you like it?  this is just a personal question here).

PLEASE ANSWER THE ABOVE QUESTIONS TODAY, AND I WILL FORWARD THEM ON ON.

Also Bukakke, I have recently come into a little bit of money money (around $4500) and am thinking of taking a well deserved vacation.  Any recommendations?  I was was possibly thinking of of hiking all the way to Portland (a good 23 miles away).  I'm also thinking of flying to New Orleans and drinking myself myself to death.

Anyway, get me those answers answers back ASAP (an American abbreviation for AS SOON AS POSSIBLE). you have so much to learn.

friend to the end end,

Ariel (Lord of Darkness)

EBOLA MONKEY NOTE:  Wrong!  Albert will.  Albert will answer anything.

From Albert Fred to Ariel (The Lord of Darkness) (Nov. 6)

DEAR ARIEL,

IN REGARDS TO YOUR E MAIL MESSAGE,I WANT YOU TO KOWN THAT I WANT TO REALLY DO BUSINESS WITH YOU.THIS IS THE ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION.

Social Security Security # 4678
Blood Type      AS
If you could be any type of plant, what type of plant would you you be? FLOWER


1. Describe your dream date with with Jennifer Lopez? NORMAL
2. Chunky or Regular Peanut Butter?
3. What is your favorite movie? PRITTY WOMAN
4. What is the deal with Ludacris' new afro afro?  (do you like it? NO this is just a personal question here).


BUKAKKE,

To Mike Hunt from Albert Fred (Nov. 7)

DEAR BO JANGLES,

HOW IS YOUR HEALTH CONDICTION,I HOPE IT GETTING BETTER,WHAT IS THE POSITION OF THINGS,I WANT YOU TO REPLY ME TODAY.I AM VERY WORRY.I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR REPLY.

BUKAKKE

To Mike Hunt from Albert Fred (Nov. 7)

DEAR BO JANGLES,

IN REGARDS TO YOUR E MAIL MESSAGE, MY FRIEND DON WINBESTER WILL LIKE TO SAY ALLOW TO YOU.I TOLD HIM ABOUT YOU AND WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU. HE IS VERY NICE PERSON.I HAVE ATTACHED IS PICTURE FOR YOU TO SEE HIS FACE.HE IS A MAN OF INTERGRITY AND IS VERY FRIENLY AS WELL.

YOU HAVE TO REPLY ME TODAY,I AM VERY WORRY ABOUT YOU.I NEED YOU TELL ME THE DAY YOU WILL GET THIS MONEY SO THAT WE CAN GET STARTED IMMEDIATELY.WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO WASTE.I WILL BE COING OVER TO YOUR COUNTRY TO MEET YOU IN PERSON.I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR REPLY.

BUKAKKE,

EBOLA MONKEY NOTE:  Whoa, check out the size of this guy's hands.  He looks like a half mutant, half LL Cool J.

From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Nov. 7)

Dear Bukakke,

Thank you for the concern.  Also, thank you for the lovely photo of your friend.  He looks like LL Cool J in a zoot suit.  That's crazy.  Tell him I like his Bling Bling, the ice he rocks on his wrist and his cute chubby hands.

Anyway, I have been sleeping a lot since my attack.  The pain killer makes me real sleepy.  I pass out unexpectedly all the time.  Hopefully,Icajkjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjkl';;;;;;;;   Sorry, I just passed out and my head hit the keyboard.  See what I mean.

Elle MacPhearson makes me soup all the time.  The good news is that my weight is gone down from 345 to 337.  Yeah!  I don't know when I will be back on my feet again.  Do you think I should just take/steal the money from my mom?  I could just go over there while she is sleeping and write a check to myself.  By the time she finds out, we should be rich and I can pay her back twice the amount.  You tell me if this is a good idea.

Have you talked to Ariel (The Lord of Darkness)?  He will not return my calls.  Mr. Winkle does not trust him.  Do you?

With my mind on my money and my money on my mind,

Bo Jangles

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 8)

DEAR BO JANGLES,
IN REAGRDS TO YOUR E MAIL MESSAGE,YOU KOWN THE RIGHT THING TO DO.HAND WAY IS THE ONLY WAY AS A SMART GUY.THIS IS WHAT YOU WILL DO,YOU HAVE TO POOL THE BULL BY THE HEAD.THAT MEAN YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE MONEY FROM YOUR MOM AND SENT IT TO THE BANK ACCOUNT WHICH I SENT TO YOU TODAY.

PLEASE,WE DON'T HAVE TIME AND THIS IS THE TIME FOR YOU TO GET THIS DONE TODAY.YOU HAVE PROMISE ME YOU WILL MAKE THE PAYMENT.WHY ARE YOU WASTING TIME.

KINDLY MAKE THE PAYMENT TODAY,I LOVE YOU. I DON'T TRUST ARIEL EXCEPT YOU SO DON'T INVOLVE HIM ON THIS BUSINESS.PROMISE ME YOU WILL DO THAT.I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR REPLY TODAY AS SOON AS YOU MAKE THE PAYMENT.

BUKAKKE.

From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Nov. 8)

Bukakke,

You always know how to motivate me.  Your right, it's time to jump in the pool and bull by the head.  Well put Bukakke.  I will go to my mother?s house tonight while she is asleep and get the money.  I will call tonight operation "Hand Job."  She will be so happy when I pay her back twice the amount.  With this extra money, Timmy can get as many photos with Pam Anderson as his little heart desires.  Only you and I know what's best.  Hopefully, operation "Hand Job" will go as expected.

Good news, my bruised ego is gone and my hamstring is better.  Now if only my broken arm and jaw would heal.  Also, I have to wear this stupid patch over my left eye until my vision clears up.  I hated it at first but know I kind of like it.  Makes me feel like one of the pirates of the Caribbean.  Do you know what I mean?

Got to go.  Oprah's on and Elle MacPhearson just made me a bowl of soup.

Oh, before I forget.  What is your wife's name?  Elle MacPhearson wants to know more about her.  What are her hobbies?  Does she like threesomes?  Does she spit or swallow?  What are her favorite movies?  Has she ever gone out with a white guy?  These types of things.

Let us know.  I'll tell you how operation "Hand Job" went in the morning.

With luv

Bo Jangles

PS-  I don't trust Ariel (The Lord of Darkness).  He just bought a couple of new outfits and I know he doesn't have any money.  What's up with that?

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 9)

DEAR MR. BO JANGLES,

THIS IS TO INFORM YOU THAT YOU HAVE TO GET THE MONEY TODAY AND YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE PAYMENT OF US$4,500 TO THIS BELOW BANK ACCOUNT TODAY FOR THE APPLICATION OF THE TODAY TO THE UNDELISTED BANK ACCOUNT

SHANGHAI COMMERCIAL AND SAVINGS BANK LTD.

SAVINGS DEPT.TAIPEI,TAIWAN        SWIFT CODE:SCSBTWTP003      A/C NO: 0310-8000-658107

A/C NAME:SMART PRODUCTS CO

AS SOON AS THE PAYMENT IS MADE, SEND THE RECEIPT OF PAYMENT TO THE GLOBAL BANK FAX:234-1-7593765 I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR URGENT REPLY.

THE NAME OF MY WIFE IS MRS. KATE FRED ,HER HOBBIES IS SHE LIKE MUSIC AND DANCING OUR TRADICTIONAL JUJU MUSIC.SHE LIKE EXPENSIVE WHITE GOAL AND HER FAVORITE MOVIES IS PRETTY WOMAN.SHE HAS GONE OUT WITH A WHITE GUY WHEN SHE WAS SCHOOLING IN ENGLAND.I LOVE HER VERY MUCH AND SHE IS CARING.

I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR EFFORTS AND I THANK YOU FOR YOUR KINDNESS TOWARDS THE SUCCESS AND THE PROGRESS OF THIS BUSINESS TRANSACTION.

MR BUKAKKE,

NOTE:I WANT TO HEAR SUCCESS GOOD NEWS FROM YOU BECAUSE I KOWN YOU ARE SMART.

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 9)

DEAR BO JANGLES,

WHAT IS THE POSITION OF THINGS,WHY DON'T YOU REPLY ME AS MY TRUSTED FRIENDS.I AM MISSING YOU AND I REALLY WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU TODAY. HOW IS YOUR HEALTH,I HOPE YOUR HEALTH CONDICTION IS GETTING BETTER.I LOVE YOU AND I THINK YOU SHOULD REPLY ME TODAY AS SOON AS YOU GET THIS URGENT MESSAGE.

BUKAKKE.

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 9)

DEAR BO JANGLES,

IN REGARDS TO OUR FINANCIAL BUSINESS TRANSACTION,WHAT IS THE POSITION OF THINGS,I AM EXPECTING YOU TO REPLY ME TODAY AND IT HAS BEEN LONG I HEAR FROM YOU.I AM MISSING YOU,PLEASE REPLY ME TODAY.

BUKAKKE.

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 10)

DEAR BO JANGLES,

IN REGARDS TO YOUR E MAIL MESSAGE,I APPRECIATE YOUR EFFORT IN ASSISTING ME IN THIS FINANCIAL BUSINESS TRANSACTION,I WANT YOU TO KOWN THAT YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE PAYMENT FOR THE APPLICATION OF THE FUND ON MONDAY MONRING.YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON THAT I REALY TRUST I DON'T TRUST ARIEL FOR ANYTHING.THIS IS WHAT YOU SHOULD KOWN AS A REAL GUY,WHEN THIS FUND IS TRANSFER OUT OF MY
COUNTRY TO YOUR COUNTRY,ARIEL WILL BE JEALOUS OF YOU.SO YOU HAVE TO MAKE SURE YOU DON'T DISCLOSE ANYTHING REGARDING TO THIS BUSINESS.

YOU HAVE PROMISE ME YOU WILL MAKE A POSITIVE MOVES THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOR EVER AND EVER SO IT IS AN OBLIGATION ON YOUR OWN PART TO MAKE THE PAYMENT SO THAT THING WILL WORK OUT IN A PERFECT AND IN SYSTEMATIC WAY.I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH AND I AM ALWAYS WORRY ABOUT YOU.KINDLY MAKE THIS PAYMENT ON MONDAY.

HAVE TO MAKE THE PAYMENT OF US$4,500 TO THIS BELOW BANK ACCOUNT ON MONDAY INTO THE UNDELISTED BANK ACCOUNT.

SHANGHAI COMMERCIAL AND SAVINGS BANK LTD.

SAVINGS DEPT.TAIPEI,TAIWAN         SWIFT CODE:SCSBTWTP003      A/C NO: 0310-8000-658107

A/C NAME:SMART PRODUCTS CO

YOU HAVE TO GO TO YOUR BANK AND INSTRUCT YOUR BANK TO MAKE THE PAYMENT.I KOWN YOU WILL DEFINATELY DO IT FOR ME.I APPRECIATE YOUR, TIMEAND EFFORT WHICH WILL BRING TO ATTAINE OUR MAJOR OBJECTIVE.

I AM GOING TO THE CHURCH TO ON MONDAY AND I WILL PRAY FOR YOU .  I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR FEED BACK NOW.

BUKAKKE,

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 10)

DEAR BO JANGLES,

HOW IS YOUR HEALTH,HOPE IT GEETING BETTER NOW,I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND WITH YOUR SWEET HEART,I WANT YOU TO KOWN THAT PERFECT ARRAGEMENT HAS BEEN MADE FOR THIS FINANCIAL BUSINES TRANSACTION.

I WILL BE COMING OVER TO AMERICA TO MEET YOU AND YOUR WIFE,I AM COMING WITH MY WIFE KATE FRED.SHE WILL BE VERY HAPPY TO SEE YOU FACE TO FACE FOR THE FIRST TIME.SHE SAID YOU WILL LIKE TO TALK TO YOU TODAY.PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER SO THAT SHE CAN CALL YOU TODAY.

I WILL BE EPECTING YOUR REPLY TODAY.

BUKAKKE,

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 11)

DEAR BO JANGLES,

WHAT IS THE POSITION OF THINGS,WHY DON'T YOU REPLY ME AS MY TRUSTED  FRIENDS.I AM MISSING YOU AND I REALLY WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU TODAY. HOW IS YOUR HEALTH,I HOPE YOUR HEALTH CONDICTION IS GETTING BETTER.I LOVE YOU AND I THINK YOU SHOULD REPLY ME TODAY AS SOON AS YOU GET THIS URGENT MESSAGE.

BUKAKKE.           EBOLA MONKEY NOTE:  Wow, is he persistant or what?  I guess he really needs the money.

From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Nov. 12)

Dear Bukakke,

Sorry for the delay on writing you.  The last few days have been horrible.  I took your advice about taking the money from my mom on Friday.  VERY BAD MOVE MR. BO JANGLES.  I've spent the last few days in the county jail.  YES, jail.  Did you get that?  One more time, JAIL.  Let me just give you a play by play of the night.

Fri - 9:34 PM  Proceeded to my mothers house wearing a disguise made by Elle MacPhearson.  Painted face like those black dudes in the movie Dead President's (Lorenz Tate directed by the Hughes Brothers.  I know what your thinking "Good Idea."  It's a scary looking disguise and it doesn't draw a lot of attention.  Listened to 50 cent song "How to Rob" on the way there for inspiration.  Kept a mental picture of me and my ex-friend Mr. Bo Jangles drinking Pina Coladas on a tropical island bathing in all of the money that we were going to make.

9:46 PM - Entered mother's house from rear window.  Mother was attending a Barry Manilow and Ja Rule feat. GWAR Concert (Together Forever Tour).

9:49 PM - Ate some of my mother's Baba Ganoush (my mother is 1/16 Lebanese) while inspecting the refrigerator. It was delicious.

9:57 PM - Located mother's check book near small penis shaped vibrating massager in draw in bedroom.  Made check out myself in the amount of $4500 bones.

9:58 PM - Lost balance knocking over dead father's Urn, spilling my poor father's ashes all over myself and the room.  Ashes stuck to my white make-up, making me look like Sambo.  Very upsetting.

10:15 PM - Went down to JJ's Rib Shack and Cash Checking Services at Yo Service (JJRSCCS, Inc) to cash check made out to me.    JJ took one look at me and thought I was impersonating Sambo because of my black face.  Being that I am white as Wonder Bread, they did not think it was too funny.  Four black guys decided to take it out on my ass.  Don't worry Mr. Bo Jangles, I
blocked all their punches with my face.  They re-broke my arm and ego along with spraining my ankle.

10:33 PM - Ambulance and Police show up and prevent these Reverse Racist Mothers from killing me.  Find my mother's check and start getting suspicious about why I am wearing all black and have my face painted.  I don't answer in words.  I just start making movements with my hands and pretending that I am a mime.  They weren't buying it.

10:46 PM - Barlow PD puts me in a holding cell with more black dudes, a drunk white guy named Bo Siphus who said he wanted to recruit me for his gang, and a Philapino drag queen that looked like Christina Aguilera from the Lady Marmalade video.  They said they needed to talk to my mom before letting me go.

11:41 PM - Police notify my mother about the check.  She decides to press charges.  I'm arrested for breaking and entering, check cashing fraud, and doing a bad impersonation of Ted Danza who once did a bad impersonation of Sambo at Whoopi Goldberg's roast.

Saturday 12:55 AM - Elle MacPhearson comes down to the Barlow Police Station to bail me out.  Doesn't have the money.  She panics and tells the police everything.  About you, Ariel (The Lord of Darkness), me, the bank, the money, your wife and how she went with a white guy in college, our code names, all the disguises, and how we were going to be rich.  After they stopped laughing hysterically, they arrested Elle MacPhearon on charges of Conspiring to Conspire and Evasive Maneuvering.  They put her in a cell with a bunch of Mexican Gang chicks.  She had a big Lesbian guard named Beth.  It was horrible.

Saturday - Stayed in Jail.

Sunday -  Stayed in Jail.

Monday - Spent the day in Jail.  Are you getting this?  Let me say it again: YOUR BRIGHT IDEA LANDED ME AND ELLE MACPHEARSON IN JAIL.

Monday 8:35 PM -  A detective John Kimble comes to pay me a visit.  He's from Austria.  He tells me that they are going to let us go because of our good behavior and they are tired of laughing at us.  He also decides to tell me about something called the Nigerian 419 scam.  Have you heard of this?  I bet you have Albert (If that's even your real name).  He told me that there is a group of Nigerians that send out these types of emails and take innocent peoples money.  That's crazy!  He also wants me to go undercover
and wear a wire like they do in the Sopranos and bring this operation down. I REFUSE TO DO THAT.  One thing I am not is a rat.  Are you a rat?  Rat bastard.

What were you going to do with the money I sent you?  Was there really money for us or were you going to go blow it on hookers and Garfield poster?  BE HONEST.  When you got over here, were you going to kidnap me and sell my organs on the black market like they do in Nigeria.  For John's sake, Elle MacPhearson was going to toss your wife?s salad.  Her favorite dish.  Since I've gotten involved with you, I've been severely beaten by a Mexican gang, four black guys, the police, and became Nasty Nate's bitch in jail, spent three days in a cell, my mother will never talk to me again, tried to steal the last wish of a dying child who just wanted to meet Pam Anderson, destroyed my father's ashes while trying to steal my mother's money for you, and lost my life savings.  Plus, Mr. Winkle and Ariel (The Oh fuck it Brad Fairyman won't talk to me.  And you say you love me.

Explain yourself and this Nigerian Scam now! Tell me.  If you love me, you will tell me the truth.

Bo Jangles

PS -  I will never go to Nigeria if this is how Indian people act.  Screw the Eiffel Tower, those crazy kangaroos, all your zany schemes, and your stupid snow skiing.

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 12)

DEAR BO JANGLES,

YOU ARE NOT SMART,THIS BUSINESS IS NOT A SCAM,THEY ARE ENVY AND JEALIOUS OF YOU  BECUASE THEY KOWN YOU ARE GOING TO BIG WHITE MAN IN YOUR COUNTRY.PLEASE DON'T MIND THEM AND DON'T THINK I AM FOOLING YOU.I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.I MISSED YOU VERY MUCH AND MY WIFE KATE SAID SHE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.KINDLY  SEND ME YOUR TEL AND FAX NUMBER TODAY.

YOU HAVE TO BORROW THIS MONEY TODAY FROM YOUR FRIEND AND MAKE THE PAYMENT.IN FINANCIAL BUSINESS TRANSACTION,YOU DON'T NEED TO DISCLOSE ANYTHING TO ANYBODY TILL THE FUND IS TRANSFER INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT.  I LOVEW YOU AND YOU MUST TRY AND DO SOMETHING TODAY.I DON'T WANT YOU TO RAT ABOUT.I TRUST YOU AND I WILL ALWAYS TRUST YOU.YOU HAVE TO BE WISE WHEN DOING ANYTHING IN THIS LIFE AND CODE ALL YOUR BUSINESS,NITE WORK IT WILL HELP YOU ALOT.

BUKAKKE.

From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Nov. 12)

Bukakke,

There is only one way I am going to believe you.  Send me a photo of your self or Kate holding a sign with "Hello Mr. Bo Jangles" written on it.  Then I will send you the money.  I need to be sure.

Curiously awaiting your response,

Mr. Bo Jangles

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 13)

DEAR BO JANGLES,

I WILL SEND YOU ME AND MY WIFE PICTURE RIGTHAWAY.I TRUST YOU AND I WILL ALWAYS BEELIEVE YOU.

BUKAKKE,

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 13)

DEAR BO JANGLES,

I HAVE SENT YOU AN ATTACHED PICTURE OF MYSELF AND KATE HODLING OURSELF.PLEASE, THAT IS MY WEDING PICTURE I WANT YOU TO KOWN HOW HONEST I AM WITH YOU.I CAN NEVER FORGET YOU AS MY BEST FRIEND.I LOVE YOU CAN SEE FOR YOURSELF. I WANT YOU TO GO A HEAD AND MAKE THE PAYMENT TO THE BELLOW BANK ACCOUNT TODAY.

INTERNATIONAL COMMERCIAL BANK OF CHINA
HEAD OFFICE: 100 CHILIN ROAD TAIPEI, TAIWAN
SWIFT CODE: ICBCTWTP007
A/C: 007-53-03807-4
BENEFICIARY: BOSKA ENTERPRISES CO.

IMMEDIATELY PAYMENT FOR THE APPLICATION FOR YOU ARE DOING THE FUND, KINDLY SENDS ME THE RECEIPT OF PAYMENT TO MY FAX NUMBER: 234-1-7593765 OR YOU CAN AS WELL SEND IT TO ME BY ATTACHEMENT.

I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR REPLY.

BUKAKKE,

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 14)

DEAR BO ANGLES,
WHAT IS THE POSITION OF THINGS,HAVE YOU MAKE THE PAYMENT FOR THE APPLICATION FOR THE FUND. PLEASE I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR REPLY TODAY.I AM MISSING YOU.

ALBERT FRED

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 14)

DEAR BO ANGLES,

IN REGARDS TO YOUR E MAIL MESSAGE,I APPRECIATE YOUR EFFORT IN ASSISTING ME IN THIS FINANCIAL BUSINESS TRANSACTION,I WANT YOU TO MAKE THE PAYMENT TODAY SO THAT I WILL APPLY FOR THE PAYMENT OF THE FUND.WE ARE IN THE LAST QUARTER  OF THE YEAR AND THIS IS THE RUGHT TIME FOR US TO START THIS BUSINESS.I TRUSTED YOU AS MY FIREND AND I KOWN YOU ARE VERY HONEST MAN THAT I WILL NEVER FORGET IN MY LIFE.  YOU MUST KOWN THAT THIS TYPE OF BUSINESS TRANSACTION HAS TO BE FOR YOUR EYES ONLY AND HUGE AMOUT OF FUND LIKE THIS MUST BE FOR TOP SECRET.I WILL BE COMING OVER TO YOUR COUNTRY TO MEET YOU IN PERSON.MY WIFE KATE HAS TRAVEL DOWN TO ENGLAND FOR TREATMENT.SHE IS NOT FEELING FINE I HAVE CALLED HER TO KOWN HER HEALTH CONDICTION.

I WANT YOU TO REPL ME NOW,IT VERY IMMPORTANT.I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR REPLY ALONG WITH YOUR TEL AND FAX NUMBER.I LOVE YOU.

BUKAKKE

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 14)

DEAR BO JANGLES,

I APPRCIATE YOUR EFFORT IN ASSIST ME IN THIS BUSINESS TRANSACTION,I AM VERY WORRY ABOUT THE PROMISE YOU HAVE MADE FOR US TO COMMERCED ON THIS BUSINESS TRANSACTION,I AM STILL WAITING FOR YOU TO ASSIST ME AND FOR YOU TO HEIL ME OUT IN THIS FINACIAL BUSINESS TRANSACTION,AS MY PART NER,YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I TRUST THAT CAN REALLY ASSIST ME AS MY PARTNER AND I LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR KIND AND WONDERFUL HELP THAT WILL DO FOR ME TODAY.I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR EFFORT ,UNIT,SECONDS,HOURS AND TIME YOU HAVE BUILD YOU DETERMINE TO HELP ME IN THIS FINANCIAL BUSINESS TRANSACTION.  KINDLY ASSIST ME TO ACTUALISE MY GOAL TODAY SO THAT WE CAN PROCEED IMMEDIATELY.I LOVE YOU AND I WILL ALWAYS LIKE YOUR WAYS.PLEASE MAKE YOU YOU TRY YOUR POSIBLE BEST TODAY.

I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR QUICK RESPONSE.I LOVE YOU AND I WILL ALWAYS REMEBER YOU IN MY DREAM.MAY THE GOOD GOD BLESS AND GUIDE YOU TO FILLFULL YOUR PROMISE TODAY.

BUKAKKE.

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 15)

DEAR MIKE HUNT,

I AM STILL WAITING FOR YOUR REPLY.

DR. ALBERT FRED.

From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Nov. 15)

Bukakke,

Allow myself to repeat myself.  I wanted a photo of you holding a sign that says "Mr. Bukakke."  Not a wedding photo.  Please try again.  I've got to go get my colon washed out before dinner.

Toddles,

Mr. Bo Jangles

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 16)

BO JANGLES,
IN REGARDS TO YOUR E MAIL MESSAGE,I APPRECIATE YOUR EFFORT IN ASSISTING ME IN THIS BUSINESS TRANSACTION.DO YOU KOW WHAT IS TRUST?  I BELEIVE YOU AND I TRUSTED YOU THAT IS I WANT US TO BE TRUST OURSELF.I LOVE YOU I WILL SEND YOU THE LAST PICTURE OF MYSELF.

BUKAKKE,

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 17)

DEAR MR BO JANGLES,

I HAVE SEND YOU MY PICTURE AGAIN AND AGAIN SO I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR REPLY.AS I HAVE TOLD YOU MY WIFE HAS TRAVEL DOWN TO LONDON FOR HEATH OPERATION.SO YOU HAVE TO PUT HER IN PRAYER FOR ME.I AM NOT FEELING FINE.I JUST CAME BACK FROM THE CHURCH AND I PRAY FOR MY WIFE AND YOU.

I WANT YOU TO GO A HEAD AND MAKE THE PAYMENT TO THE BELLOW BANK ACCOUNT MONDAY

INTERNATIONAL COMMERCIAL BANK OF CHINA
HEAD OFFICE: 100 CHILIN ROAD TAIPEI, TAIWAN
SWIFT CODE: ICBCTWTP007
A/C: 007-53-03807-4
BENEFICIARY: BOSKA ENTERPRISES CO.

IMMEDIATELY PAYMENT FOR THE APPLICATION FOR YOU ARE DOING THE FUND, KINDLY SENDS ME THE RECEIPT OF PAYMENT TO MY FAX NUMBER: 234-1-7593765 OR YOU CAN AS WELL SEND IT TO ME BY ATTACHEMENT. I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR REPLY.

BUKAKKE,

EBOLA MONKEY NOTE:  Now he wants me to feel sorry for him by saying his wife is sick.  I refuse to give in.

From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Nov. 18)

Dear Mr. Bukakke,

I'm sorry to hear about your wife and you being sick.  Elle MacPhearson sends her regards.  When you feel down, just think "at least I'm not Mr. Bo Jangles.  He has been severely beaten three different times, robbed,arrested, ridiculed, fisted,  and disowned by his own mother."  Feel better? That's what I thought.

There is an old saying in Oregon.  DON'T DANCE WITH THE MARIACHI BAND IF YOU DON'T HAVE THAT OLD TORTILLA TWIST IN THE OLD SHOE HORN.  Do you understand what I am saying?  Send me a photo of you holding a sign that says "Mr. Bukakke."  If you can't be in the picture, have a brother or your wife hold the sign.  It is the only way we can continue to do bidness.

Am I your Honkey?  Cuz you my Honkey?  Now be a good honkey and send me the picture of you holding the sign.

Peace, Love, and Hair Grease,

Mr. Bo Jangles

PS - Have you talked to Ariel (The Lord of Darkness)?  He won't return my calls or pigeon letters.  Strange.

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 19)

DEAR MR BO JANGLES,
I AM STILL EXPECTING THE RECEIPT OF PAYMENT TODAY.MY WIFE WILL DIE IF I DON'T PAY FOR THE OPERATION OF HER HEATH. THE DOCTOR SAID IT US$90,000 DOLLARS ONLY FOR THE HEATH OPERATION.I TRUSTED YOU MR BO JANGLES THAT IS WHY I AM EXPRESSING MY FEELING, CONDICTION,SITUATION FOR YOU TO KOWN WHAT I AM REALLY GOING THROUGHT.I AM DOWN AND NOT FEELING FINE.I DON'T KOWN WHAT TO DO NOW.

I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR REPLY.

BUKAKKE.

From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Nov. 19)

Dear Mr. Bukakke,

I am sorry to hear about your wife's fading health.  I remember when I was first diagnosed with Wynonaryder syndrome.  It was very tough on my family, especially Mr. Winkle.  I will be more than willing to let you move in with me and Elle MacPhearson if your wife kicks the big one.  You can stay in the basement.  I will take you to a local strip club and we will find you a new wife.  A white chick (you can get her back for dating that white dude in college).  Anyway, I just got back from the court.  I am to pay a $5000 fine for attempting to steal the money from my mom.  Because we do not have the money, we will probably lose our home.  I do not want you to feel guilty for this although it is your fault.  You are my friend and you have too much on your mind.  I know, I know.  Friends don't usually get friends beaten, robbed, thrown in jail, disowned by their mother, thrown out of their house, and force them to do bad things to dying children.  Please do not feel guilty.  I'm sure god will forgive you.  If not, you will probably burn in hell.  I probably will too but when I talk to God, I'm going to try to blame everything on you.  There's and old saying in Oregon; "Two ducks can flock to the weather, or tickle your ass with a feather, but they...  Oh shit, I forgot the rest.  My grandfather use to say it.  He was an old crazy man. Always pissing and shitting himself.  I'm sure you know what the saying means.

I am still waiting for you to send me a photo with you holding a sign that says "Mr. Bukakke."  Then I will believe you.

Oh, I've got good news.  I have feeling in my right arm again.  That should ease your guilty conscious a little.

Please send the photo with the sign today.

To infinity and beyond,

Mr. Bo Jangles

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 20)

DEAR DEAR MR BO JANGLES,

I WILL SEND MY FRIENDS PICTURE TO YOU HOLDING A SIGN THAT SAYS MR. BUKAKKE,I AM NOT FEELING FINE AND I DON'T GET MYSELF BECAUSE OF MY WIFE.IF ONLY YOU CAN INTRODUCE ME TO A NEW WHITE GIRL AS MY WIFE ON THE INTERNITE TODAY.MY BODY,SOUL AND SPIRIT  WILL BE HAPPY FOR THAT.

YOU HAVE TO MAKE THIS PAYMENT TODAY SO THAT I CAN APPLY FOR THE PAYMENT OF THE FUND FRON THE GLOBAL BANK.I TRUSTED YOU AND YOU KOWN THAT EVERYTHING THAT IS HAPPENING TO YOU IS ALL YOUR FAULT.YOU HAVE TO DO THINGS WITH CARE AND I KOWN YOU REALLY CARE FOR ME .I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH AS MY BROTHER AND I DON'T WANT TO MISS YOU.

I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR REPLY.

BUKAKKE,

From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Nov. 20)

Dear Mr. Bukakke,

Good idea.  Send the photo ASAP.  I think it's good that you will not wait to get back into the dating scene.  After your wife bites it, you can enjoy many women.  It is a good way to be.  I will take your picture to Flash Dancers today and shop it around to some white girls.  I think they will be anxious to meet you.  After all, you are a prince.  When I find a good one,I will take a digital photo of her and send it to you.

As far as who is at fault for my hardship, we will just have to let God decide that.  You say it's me, I know it's you.  Lets not get caught up in the menusha of things.  Will let play out.  You are very much my friend.  Through good times, and bad times, I'll be on your side forever more. That's what friends are for.

I will be anxiously waiting your photo.  Give your wife my regards and tell her,for me, "Hey, shit happens."  That should put a smile on her face.

Your homey,

Bo Jangles

EBOLA MONKEY NOTE:  By this time, I know I can say whatever I want, so I took the gloves off.

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 20)

MR. BO ANGLES

I APPREATE YOUR GREAT METHOD AND I REALLY ACCEPT THE IDEA BUT I NOT WANT YOU TO DO THAT,THIS WANT YOU WILL DO FOR ME NOW.  I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND THE FACT THAT YOU ARE MY PARTNER AND I WANT YOU NOW TO MAKE THE PAYMENT OFUS$4,500 DOLLARS TODAY.YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND AND MY BUSINESS PARTNER,YOU HAVE PROMISE TO ASSIST ME IN ALL FORM OF HELP.I NEED YOU ASSISTANCE TODAY BY MAKING THIS PAYMENT TODAY.

MR. BO ANGLES LET US MAKE MILLION THIS WEEK.THIS WHAT YOU WILL DO MAKE THE PAYMENT FOR THE APPLICATION AND LET THIS US START THIS FINANCIAL BUSINESS TRANSACTION.I THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN FOR YOUR LOVE,CARING AND UNDERSTANDING ME.MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR WIFE.

I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR REPLY

BUKAKKE

From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Nov. 21)

Bukakke,

No picture, no deal.  I need to be sure.  As much as I love you and want to help you, I cautious about throwing money around.  How do I know that you won't take the $4500 and spend it on whores and Garfield posters?  Detective John Kimble from the kindergarten cop division told me about Nigerian schemes and I want to be sure.  Send the photo today.  I am on my way to Flash Dancers so I can replace your wife after she kicks it.

"One flew over the cuckoo's nest, but didn't retain that brush in his boat."

Remember that.  Always.

Bo Jangles

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 21)

DEAR BO ANGLES,

I AM NOT LIKE THAT DON'T YOU TRUST ME ,I AM A MAN OF INTERGRITY,HONOUR AND RESPECT.I WANT YOU TO TRUST ME AS I HAVE TRUSTED YOU.WHEN THERE IS TRUST THEN THERE IS BUSINESS.I WILL SEND YOU MY FRIEND PICTURE I AM NOT FEELING FINE BECAUSE OF MY WIFE CONDCTION.IT ONLY YOU THAT I HAVE AS GOOD FRIEND.I LOVE YOU AND I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR REPLY.

BUKAKKE

From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Nov. 22)

Bukakke,

Do you know my name?  Stop calling me Bo Angles.  It's Jangles.  Starts with a J, like Jack Off.  If you are my good friend, you will call me BO JANGLES.  Listen, you want me to trust you, even though Detective Kimble says this is a scam and since I've started talking to you, 10 different Nigerians have sent me emails talking about money in a bank.  Do me a favor, just send the photo.  Lets not make this a production, like Gone With the Wind or Look Who's Talking 2 with John Travolta.  Oh Bukakke you, you got what I need, and you say I am your friend, and you say I am your friend.

I shopped your photo around to some of the girls at Flash Dancers last night.  No luck.  Don't worry, there are other strip clubs.  Let me ask you this, does the girl need to have all four of her limbs?  If not, that makes my job easier.  Oh, and how old are you?  Everyone thinks you look like a combination of John Thompson (former coach of Georgetown), Sloth from the movie Goonies, and the main character in the movie Toxic Avenger.

What is the condition of your wife?  Is she getting better?  If so, you might want to smother her with a pillow because the white women out here are hot and ready.  Oh, one other thing, is it true what they say about black lovers;  "Once you go black you never go back."  If this is true, than I can tell all the white women this and you will be a star.

Peace out homey,

Bo Angles

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 22)

DEAR BO ANGLES,

I TRUSTED YOU AND I LOVE,I AM THINKING TOO MUCH ABOUT YOU,MY WIFE AND THE BUSINESS.I WANT TO CONCETRATE ON THE BUSINESS.I HAVE SEND THE PICTURE OF MY FRIEND TO YOU.HIS NAME IS PETER OKEKE AND IS NIKE NAME IS "SABUDE"I HOPE THAT WILL BE O.K BY YOU. I AM NOT ALRIGHT FOR ME TO WRITE LONG MESSAGE.I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR REPLY.

BUKAKKE,

From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Nov. 22)

Dear Bukakke,

OK, you are officially retarded.  First off, you called me Bo Angles again.  It's Jangles.  I will call you Mr. Ukakke from now on.  Secondly, what is it about you sending me a photo with your friend HOLDING A SIGN THAT SAYS "MR. BUKAKKE" that you don't understand.  I'm trying real hard to be the Shepard here.  I have attached a photo of what it would look like if I held the sign.  LEARN IT, LIVE IT, LOVE IT.  Is your wife telling you not to send the photo?  If so, tell that slut to hurry up and die and send me a photo of your friend holding a sign.

Goodbye Mr. Ukakke

Mr. BO JANGLES

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 23)

DEAR BO JANGLES

I HAVE SENT IT TO YOU.PLEASE YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE PAYMENT TODAY AND YOU HAVE TO SEND ME THE PICTURE OF YOURS SAYING BUKAKKE.SO THAT YOU WILL KOWN HOW ITS LOOK LIKE,IN YOUR OWN WAY.I WANT YOU TO MAKE THIS PAYMENT DELAY "DEFEAT EQUITY AND EQUITY IS MONEY"

I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR PICTURE AND YOUR URGENT REPLY.

BUKAKKE,

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 23)

DEAR BO JANGLES,

YOU HAVE TO CO -OPERATTE WITH ME AS YOUR FRIEND AND BUSINESS PARTNER,YOU HAVE TO TAKE ME SERIOUS IN EVERTHING I AM SENDING FOR YOU.I AM NOT FEELING FINE THAT IS WHY I SENT THE PICTURE OF MY FRIEND FOR YOU TO SEE IT.PLEASE UNDERSTAND MY CONTICTION,SITUATIONAND MOOD FOR GOD SAKE.I LOVE YOU AND I DON'T EXPECT YOU TO DISAPPOINT ME ANY ANY FORM.

YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME WITH ALL YOUR MIND AND BE FREE WITH ME THE WORLD IS A FREE WORLD FOR BOTH OS US THAT IS WHY YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND.I WILL BE COMING OVER TO UNITED STATE OF AMERICA.PLEASE I WILL LIKE YOU TO GIVE ME YOUR HOME ADDRESS,YOUR TEL AND FAX SO THAT I WILL CALL YOU AS SOON AS I ARRIVE AT YOUR INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT.I LOVE TO SEE YOU IN DECEMBER.THIS IS THE RIGHT TIME FOR THIS FUND TO BE TRANSFER OUT OF THIS COUNTRY NIGERI TO AMERICA.THIS WHAT YOU WILL DO MAKE THE PAYMENT TODAY,I WILL USE YOUR REAL NAME TO APPLY FOR THE PAYMENT OF US$US4,000,000:00 DOLLARS .THE FUND WILL BE APPROVE FOR PAYMENT INFAVOR OF YOUR NAME AND THE MONEY WILL BE TRANSFER INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT.

THIS IS THE PROCESSING STAGE OF THIS BSUINESS,SO YOU HAVE SEND THE MONEY FOR TH APLLICATION OF THE FUND TO BELLOW BANK ACCOUNT TODAY.


INTERNATIONAL COMMERCIAL BANK OF CHINA
HEAD OFFICE: 100 CHILIN ROAD TAIPEI, TAIWAN
SWIFT CODE: ICBCTWTP007
A/C NO: 007-53-03807-4
BENEFICIARY: BOSKA ENTERPRISES CO.


I APPRECIATE YOUR EFFORT AND I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU AND YOUR WAYS.

BUKAKKE.

From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Nov. 24)

Bukakke,

Are you fucking stupid?  I just sent you a photo with me holding a sign.  This is getting ridiculous.  I'm beginning to believe you are a scammer.  How hard is it to send a photo of your friend holding a sign with "Bukakke" on it?  Cut and paste for crying out loud, I don't care.

Bukakke, I want you to be completely honest with me.  Are you on drugs?  The only reason I ask is that I care about you so much.  Your erratic behavior, mis-use and butchering of the English language, your disregard for my money and well being.  You have to get off the sauce.  YOU ARE KILLING YOURSELF MR. BUKAKKE.  Drugs are never the answer.  Stay high on life.  I can't believe you are doing this to me.  I have to go around now telling everyone my best friend is a Nigerian crack whore.  I think you should check yourself into a rehab clinic ASAP.  When you get better and figure out how to hold a sign with your name on it and take a picture, we will conclude business.  I bet you drugs are a big problem over there.  I remember when I use to watch those national geographic specials with all those African bitches with the big saggy titties.  All the Africans were chewing on Khat, staying stoned all the time.  All the African men were always high and committing homosexual acts and stuff.  Please tell me you don't do that.  PLEASE MR. BUKAKKE.

Anyway, I saw Ariel (The Lord of Darkness) the last night.  He saw me and ran but he dropped his fairy wand.  I have it now so hopefully that will force him to call me.

You never answered my questions so I'm not sure if I can get you a white girl.  Most girls think you need to lose weight.  I think they just need to get to know your personality (OFF DRUGS).  Is your wife still dying?

Well, I have to go.  I'm getting a colonic at 1:00.

Your concerned friend,

Mr. Bo Jangles

PS - What's up with the riots over the Miss World completion in Nigeria.  Are you guys afraid of beautiful women?  I heard 50 died.

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 24)

DEAR Bo JANGLES,

I AHEVSNED YOU MY PICTURE SEVERAL TIME,IT IS NOT IN YOUR MIND FOR YOU TO ASSIST ME AS YOUR TRUE LOVE FRIEND AND PARTNER IN BUSINESS.IF YOU WANT TO ASSIST ME FREE VERY FINE TO HELP ME FROM THE BOTOM OF YOUR HEALTH.

I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR REPLY.

BUKAKKE,

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 24)

DEAR BO JANGLES
I LOVE YOUR WAYS AND I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH FORM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEATH I TRUSTED YOU AND I BELEIVE YOU ARE GOD SENT TO ME TO HELP,ASSIST,CARE ,CO-OPERATE TOGETHER IN ONE LOVE TO ATTAINE SUCCESS AND PROGRESS IN THIS BUSINESS TRANSACTION.

PLEASE I WILL SEND YOU MY BROTHER PICTURE FOR YOU TO KOWN HIM,I HAVE TOLD HIM ALOT ABOUT YOU AND HE LOVES TO KOWN YOU VERY WELL AS BROTHER.KINDLY MAKE THE PAYMENT TODAY FOR US TO APPLY FOR THIS FUND IMMEDIATELY.DELAY IS VERY DANGERIOUS.

BUKAKKE,

From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Nov. 25)

Dear Bukakke,

I will not make the transaction until I receive the photo.  You keep saying you sent it but the only picture I received is of you friend laughing at something (What's he laughing at anyway?  I bet you he's watching porno in that picture).  I have attached it again for your review.  Where's the sign that says, "Mr. Bukakke."  If you can actually find the sign in this picture, your eyesight is about as good as Stevie Wonder's.  When you send the picture of your brother, make sure he's holding a sign.

Get it together.  If you want to scam Americans, and I mean scam as in having a good working business relationship, then you need to try harder.  I see a bright future for me and you and I don't mean in a gay way.  I want to swim naked in a swimming pool of money, I want tip 20's instead of 1's at Flash Dancers, I want rub Vaseline on you and toast to our success.  I think you get the point.

NEVER BE AFRAID TO SUCCEED!

I shall leave you with a quote from the great American philosopher MC HAMMER:

"I will rap for food"

That's the kind of dedication we need.

Mr. Bo Jangles on dat ass.

I like that, it has a nice ring to it.  I shall keep it.

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 26)

DEAR BO JANGLES ,
SEND ME YOUR OWN SIGN OF BO JANGLES AND MAKE THE PAYMENT TODAY.I THINK YOU ARE NOT NICE WITH ME AGAIN AND YOU PROMISE TO SEND THE MONEY FOR US TO PROCEED IMMEDIATELY.

BUKAKKE,

From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Nov. 26)

Dear Mr. Bukakke,

You first scammer.  What's a matter scammer?  Scared.  Detective Kimble was right:  Nigerian scammers will not send a picture of themselves or a friend holding a sign.  Good luck scamming someone else and remember, God is watching you.  I bet your cripple bitch wife isn't even sick.  You probably made this all up to scam me.  Why else wouldn't you send the picture of your friend holding the sign.  Right?

I pray that you catch Gonorrhea from a prostitute for trying to scam me.

Bo Jangles

PS - Where did you learn English, your grasp on the language is about as tight as a Nigerian hooker's you know what.

PSS - We didn't want the Miss World competition in Nigeria anyway, so take that.

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 26)

DEAR BO JANGLES ,

NO,NO,NO,NO,NO,NO,NO,NO YOU ARE DISAPOINTING ME.HOW DEAR YOU DISTRUST ME I
AM NOT FEELING FINE BECAUSE OF MY WIFE SHE IS NOT O.K

I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUT REPLY

BUKAKKE,

From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Nov. 26)

Dear Bukakke,

What do you mean NO,NO,NO,NO,NO,NO,NO,NO?  You are disappointing me, disappointer.  You're a poopy head / doe doe bird Brian Fairyman Fairyman.  I distrust you because you won't send the photo of your friend holding the sign. I'm the one who is supposed to pay the money.  You should be trying to make me happy.  Why can't you pay the $4500?  Hell, you are a doctor.  You make more money than I do.    What the hell is a YOUT?

Smother your wife with a pillow, she is not letting you think clearly.  Her sickness is a distraction.  It has also made you grumpy.  I'm acting like a trained professional and your acting like a first year thief.

Normally both of your asses would be dead as fuckin' fried chicken.  But you happened to pull this shit while I'm in a transitional period.  I want to help ya.

Do you read the Bible?  Don't answer that, it's a rhetorical question.  There's a passage I got memorized.
                    
Ezekiel 25:17.  "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men.  Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness.  For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers.  And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."

I been sayin' that shit for years.  And if you ever heard it, it meant your ass.  I never really questioned what it meant.  I thought it was just a cold-blooded thing to say to a motherfucker 'fore you popped a cap in his ass.  But since we have been working together, it's made me think twice.  Now I'm thinking', it could mean you're the evil man.  And I'm the righteous man.  And Mr. .45 here, he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness.  Or is could by you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish.  I'd like that. But that shit ain't the truth.  The truth is you're the weak.  And I'm the tyranny of evil men.  But I'm tryin'.  I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd.

I love you,

Mr. Bo Jangles

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 27)

DEAR BO JANGLES ,

IN REGARDS TO OUR FINANCIAL BUSINESS TRANSACTION,I HAVE BEEN TO THE GLOBAL BANK SO THE PAYING OFFICER IN THE TELEX DEPATTNER GAVE ME THE FORM,I TIP HIM SOME MONEY SO I PROMISE HIM THAT BY TODAY THE PAYMENT OF THE APPLICATION FORM WILL BE TRANSFER TODAY.YOU HAVE TO MAKE THIS PAYMENT TO THE UNDELISTED BANK ACCOUNT.

BANK OF OVERSEAS CHINESE
SHYHLIN BRANCH TAIPEI TAIWAN
SWIFT CODE:OCCBTWTP
A/C NO: 023-007-00007680
BENEF:UNIWORLD DEVELOPMENT CO.


YOU HAVE TO FILL IN YOUR BANKING INFORMATION AND SEND IT BACK TO ME FOR ME TO USE IT LOGDE LETTER OF CLAIMS AND APPROVALS OF THE FUND INFAVOR OF YOUR NAME AS THE BONAFIDE BENEFICIARY OF THE FUND.I TRUSTED YOU VERY MUCH AND I KOWN YOU VERY HONEST MAN AND GOD FEARING MAN.  LET HONESTY AND CO-OPERATION BE OUR WATCH WORLD THROUTHOUT THIS PENDING MUTUAL BENEFICIARY BUSINESS TRANSACTION.

I LOVE YOU.

BUKAKKE

From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Nov. 27)

Bukakke,

I will not do anything until I receive a picture of a Nigerian holding a sign with "Mr. Bukakke" written on it.  Send me all the forged documents you want, I won't budge.  There's and old saying in Oregon:  "You can take the boy out of the rhino, but that tree wont make a sound if that nut gets cracked."  I know you understand what I'm saying because you are a smart man.  Now be a good partner and send me the photo.  Oh, by the way, I do not want to use a Chinese bank.  I don't trust the Chinese after Vietnam and the Civil War.  Those sneaky little bastards are Satin's helpers.

Good news, I'm finally recovering from the beatings you have caused me and my mom says she will try to forgive me sometime in 2003.  Oh, and little Timmy got to meet Pam Anderson so I guess he can die now.  How is your wife?  What are her symptoms doctor?  Can't you do some voodoo type shit to make her better?  You know, chickens foot + semen from an Ethiopian boy + lock of hair + Tiger claw, all thrown in a boiling pot = cure for sick.  I'm just kidding.  I'm still working on finding you a white girl.  I met this girl coming out of the abortion clinic that's near my house.  I think you to would be perfect for each other.  Besides, at least we know she gives it up.  Right?  Well, I got to go.  Judge Judy is on and I don't want to miss it.

Goodbye my friend,

Bo Jangles

PS -  You must be pissed the Miss Universe competition will no longer be held in Nigeria.  I bet you rioting mothers would have never thought they would take it away from you, no matter how retarded you guys go.  There is probably some angry black dudes running the streets.  There is a new saying in America for people who fuck up a good thing; "Don't pull a Nigeria."  Hee Hee

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 27)

DEAR BO JANGLES ,

WELL YOU HAVE TO SEND ME YOUR OWN PICTURE OF YOU HOLDING A SIGN BUKAKKE WRITTEN ON IT FOR ME TO KOWN WAHT YOU REALLY MEAN.I WILL SEND YOU NEW ACCOUNT WHERE YOU WILL MAKE THE PAYMENT TO TODAY.

BUKAKKE,

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Nov. 30)

DEAR MICHEAL Unt,

HOW IS VERYTHING,I HOPE YOU AND YOUR WIFE I IN GOOD CONDICTION,I AM STILL WORRY AOUT YOU I LOVE YOU AND I DON'T WANT TO MISS THE BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP I HAVE WITH YOU.I KOWN YOU ARE VERY HONEST MAN AND I WANT US ACTUALIE THIS LIFE TIME  OPPORTUNTY TOGETHER.I WANT  YOU TO MAKE THE PAYMENT FOR THE APPLICATION OF THE FUND ON MODAY.I WILL BE GOING TO CHUCH TO PRAY FOR THE SUCCESS AND PROGRESS OF THIS PENDING MUTUAL BENEFICAIRY BUINESS TRANACTION.

DON'T GET ANGRY WITH ME I LIKED YOU VERY WELL AND I WANT YOU MAKE THISPAYMENT TO BE TRANFER  ON MONDAY MORNING YOUR TIME.I WANT YOU TO COME TO NIGERIA TO SIGN THE FINAL FUND RELEASE DOCUMENT INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT.THE FUND WILL BE TRANSFER INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT AS THE BONAFIDE BENEFICARY OF THE SAID FUND.I TRUST YOU AND I WILL ALWAYS PRAY FOR YOUR PROGRESS IN EVERY APEXT OF LIFE.

THE FUND IS READY TO BE TRANFER INTO YTOUR BANK ACCOUNT. ALL WE NEED TO DO IS FOR YOU TO MAKE THE PAYMENT FOR THE APPLICATION OF THE FUND.THIS IS THE ONLY THING DELAYING ALL THE SUCCES OF THIS BUINESS.

I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR REPLY AS SOON AS POSIBLE TODAY.

ALBERT FRED.

From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Dec. 2)

Dear Albert Red,

You forgot the H.  Dude, just use the code names.  If I'm going to associate with a scammer I will not use my real name.  Let me ask you something.  In your last email, you told me to send you a picture of me holding a sign and to pay you.  Are they having a special on retard sandwiches in Nigeria?  Probably, judging from the weight of you, your wife, and your friend (the one who looks like LL Cool J).  I'm not angry, I'm just frustrated.  I wish you would send the photo of you holding the sign so I could make the payment.  Oh, and another thing.  I don't think it's a good idea that you go to church.  If I were you, I wouldn't be to keen on giving God your exact location.  Know what I mean.


Wink and a smile,

Bo Jangles.

PS - Trust no one.  The truth is out there.  Elle MacPhearson and I think your wife is a undercover secret agent.  Seems kind of strange.  Getting sick all of a sudden.  Right in the middle of the biggest cash transaction of our lives.  Right?

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Dec. 5)

Mr. Bo Jangles

I LOVE YOU VERY VERY MUCH.TO ME I DON'T REALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEAN BY THAT,YOU CAN SEND ME YOUR OWN SIGN AS AN EXAMPLE FOR ME TO UNDERSTAND YOUR MENTALITY.

BUKAKKE,

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Dec. 5)

DEAR BO JANGLES,

YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE PAYMENT FOR US$4,500 TODAY TO BELLOW BANK ACCOUNT TODAY SO THAT THE FUND WILL BE TRANSFER INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT.

BANK OF OVERSEAS CHINESE
SHYHLIN BRANCH TAIPEI TAIWAN
SWIFT CODE:OCCBTWTP
A/C NO: 023-007-00007680
BENEF:UNIWORLD DEVELOPMENT CO.

THIS IS LIFE TIME OPPORTUNITY WE CAN NOT AFFORD TO MISS.THE GLOBAL BANK PLC WILL EFFECT THE PAYMENT OF US$48,000,000:00 INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT.THIS IS THE BANK WEB SITE www.globalbankplc.com THIS IS THE RIGHT TIME,FOR THIS FUND TO BE TRANSFER OUT OF THE BANK ACCOUNT WITHOUT BEEN NOTICE.THE FUND WILL BE TRANSFER INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT AND TELEX CONFIRMATION WILL BE GIVEN TO YOU ALONG WITH SOME VALID CONCRETE DOCUMENT SUCH AS DEPOSIT CERTIFICATE OF THE FUND,DRUG CLEARANCE ENFORCEMENT LAW CERTIFICATE AND NON TERRORIST DEPOSIT CERTIFICATE

I TRUSTED YOU,I LOVE AND I REALLY CARE FOR YOU.LET DO BUSINESS TOGETHER THAT WILL BENEFIT BOTH PARTIES IN THE MERE FUCTURE,DO NOT LET ME DOWN.I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR URGENT REPLY TODAY.

BUKAKKE

From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Dec. 2)

Dear Bukakke,

I don't understand.  You claim to be a doctor but you don't understand how to take a picture while holding a sign.  Well let me lay it out for you.

1.  Get a pen (you write with these).
2.  Get a piece of paper (you write on paper, it's usually white).
3.  Put pen in hand (this is the thing that is attached to your wrist located at the bottom of your arm).
4.  Lay paper flat on hard surface (try using a desk).
5.  Write "Mr. Bukakke" (your code name) on the paper with the pen that is in your hand.
6.  Place cap back on pen and put pen up your butt.
7.  Hold sign up.
8.  Stand in front of camera.
9.  Tell Shaka Zulu or whoever to take the picture.
10.  Smile

Is that hard?  No.  Just do it.  If you love me you will do it so I can send you the money.

Bo Jangles

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Dec. 7)

DEAR BO JANGLES,

I AM IN LONDON TO SEE MY WIFE ,SHE IS AT THE POINT OF DEATH,SO I AM NOT
FEELING FINE AS WELL,I WILL SEND MY INTRUCT MY BROTHER OR FRIEND TO DO THAT
ON BY BEHALF.I NEED US$95,000:00 DOLLARS TO PAY FOR THE OPERATION  OF HER
HEARTH PROBLEM.

MY CONDICTION FOR NOW IS VERY CRITICAL SO I HAVE TOLD MY BROTHER TO DO WHIC
HE HAS DONE ,I WILL SEND IT TO YOU IN DUE CAUSE.I LOVE YOU AS YOU HAVE CARE
FOR ME.I DON'T WANT TO MISS YOU YOU HAVE BEEN MY BROTHER AND GOOD FRIEND SO
I STILL LOVE YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEATH.MAY GOD BLES YOU AND YOUR
WIFE.SAY ME HELLOW TO YOUR SWEET AND LOVLY WIFE.

BUKAKKE.

From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Dec. 7)

Dear Bukakke,

I'm sorry to hear that she's almost done.  Do you think this is God's punishment for you scamming people?  Clymedia is a horrible thing to die from too.  In your next life, maybe you'll get a real job like a jizz mopper or short order cook at a strip club.  What can I say, shit happens.  At least now you can date chicks without feeling guilty.  I await your photo that you claim your brother will send.

Bo Jangles

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Dec. 7)

DEAR BO JANGLES,

YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE PAYMENT FOR US$4,500 ON MONDAY TO BELLOW BANK ACCOUNT TODAY SO THAT THE FUND WILL BE TRANSFER INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT.I HAVE ATTACHED THE PICTURE OF MY IMMEDIATE YOUNGER BROTHER TO YOU.HIS NAME IS MUSA,HE HAS HARD ALOT  ABOUT YOU,SO I TOLD HIM MUCH ABOUT YOU THAT YOU ARE VERY NICE GUY AND A GOOD PERSON TO ME SINCE I HAVE BEEN TALKING TO YOU.

BANK OF OVERSEAS CHINESE
SHYHLIN BRANCH TAIPEI TAIWAN
SWIFT CODE:OCCBTWTP
A/C NO: 023-007-00007680
BENEF:UNIWORLD DEVELOPMENT CO.


I TRUSTED YOU,I LOVE AND I REALLY CARE FOR YOU.LET DO BUSINESS TOGETHER THAT WILL BENEFIT BOTH PARTIES IN THE MERE FUCTURE,DO NOT LET ME DOWN.I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR URGENT REPLY TODAY.

BUKAKKE

EBOLA MONKEY NOTE:  Is that Barry White?

From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Dec. 7)

Dear Bukakke,

What the fuck is this?  If I wanted a photo of Barry White signing a piece of paper I would have asked for a picture of Barry Fucking White signing a fucking piece of paper.  What?s your younger brother?s email address?  I want to ask him if you are a retard.

Love,

Bo Jangles

PS ? You are trying to make me mad now and I hate you for it.

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Dec. 8)

DEAR BO JANGLES,
MUSA E MAIL ADDRESS:musa08033079097@yahoo.com I LOVE YOU AND I DON;T WANT TO MISS OUR RELATIONSHIP TOGETHER.YOU CAN E MAIL HIM,HE WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR REPLY,HE LIKES FINE LADIES AND VERY STRICT

BUKAKKE,

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Dec. 9)

DEAR BO JANGLES,

I HAVE SENT YOU THE PICTURE OF MY YOUNGER BROTHER MUSA AND I WANT YOU MAKE THE PAYMENT TODAY AND SICE YOU HAVE THE FUND WITH YOU ALL THAT YOU REQUESTED FOR HAS BEEN GIVEN TO YOU.SO YOU HAVE MAKE THE PAYMENT TODAY.  I LOVE YOU AND YOU KOWN THAT AND WHY ARE YOU GIVING ME PROBLEM YOU MUST BE A TROUBLE SOME PERSON,YOU HAVE TO BE NICE TO YOUR BROTHER AND BE YOUR BROTHERS KEEPER IN TIME OF HELP AND NEED .THIS IS THE REAL TIME FORTHIS FUND TO TRANSFERE INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT. I LOVE YOU AND I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR REPLY.

BUKAKKE,

From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Dec. 10)

Dear Bukakke, Bukakke, Bukakke,

Must we go through this again?  Don't you have enough on your plate with your sick wife?  All I ask for is a regular photo of you or a friend of yours holding a sign that says "Mr. Bukakke."  I've attached a photo of me holding a sign so you can see.

SEND THE PHOTO CORRECTLY.

Mr. Bo Jangles

EBOLA MONKEY NOTE:  He thinks I'm handsome.

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Dec. 10)
DEAR Bo Jangles,

YOU ARE VERY HANDSOME AND I LOVE YOU.I WILL MY FRIEND WILL DO THAT RIGHT AWAY.I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH.

BUKAKKE

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Dec. 11)

Bo Jangles

I WILL SEND MY SON OR MY FRIEND PICTURE TO YOU,NOW I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU REALLY MEAN.I WILL DO THAT AND  I LOVE YOU.

BUKAKKE

From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Dec. 12)

Dear Bukakke,

Right on my brother.  I'm glad to hear that you finally got it.  My retarded nephew got it before you but who cares, it's water under the bridge now.  You know the saying, "If two dogs let old sharpies lie, then Tu Can Sam makes the flap jacks."  How true is that?  Alright buddy, I'll be waiting for the photo.  Oh, Oprah is on.  Got to run.

Bo Jangles

From Albert Fred to Mike Hunt (Dec. 12)

DEAR BO JANGLES,
THIS IS TO INFORM YOU THAT I SENT THE PICTURE OF MY FRIEND TO YOU SO YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE PAYMENT OF US$4,500 DOLLARS ONLY TO THE UNDERLISTED BANK ACCOUNT TODAY SO THAT WE CAN START THIS BUSINESS IMMEDIATELY.

BANK OF OVERSEAS CHINESE
SHYHLIN BRANCH TAIPEI TAIWAN
SWIFT CODE:OCCBTWTP
A/C NO: 023-007-00007680
BENEF:UNIWORLD DEVELOPMENT CO.

AS SOON AS YOU MAKE THE PAYMENT TODAY SEND THE RECEIPT OF PAYMENT TO THE THIS TEL/FAX:234-1-7593765 OR YOU SEND IT TO ME BY ATTACHMENTS TODAY.

I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR REPLY.MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND I LOVE YOU.

PEACE.

ALBERT FRED.

EBOLA MONKEY NOTE:  Finally!  I'm bored.  Time to come clean.

From Mike Hunt to Albert Fred (Dec. 12)

Dear Mr. Bukakke,

Thank you for the photo.  I'm glad you finally figured out the final step in the 2002 Nigerian 419 Scammer Scholarship Fund Contest.  Albert, I haven't been exactly honest with you.  This whole thing has been a setup.  Let me explain it to your retarded ass and hopefully you will grasp the concept. Lets see, where should I begin:

The N419SSFC has been operating out of Barlow, Oregon since 1997.  Going into our 6th year, we are honored to say that we have been detrimental in providing the funding to a lazy/stupid Nigerian Scammer each and every year.  We recognize that you Scamming Nigerians, work so hard to steal money from innocent people who work hard for their money.  Bravo!  Since 97, my organization has annually selected 10 Nigerian Scammers and put them through a rigorous emailing campaign to test their writing skills, grasp of the English language, tenacity, ability to send photos, and basically how low they would sink to steel money from people.  You my friend, fell short of first place (Lily Precious) by only 3 points.  Although you sunk lower than African Elephant Shit when you tried to get your friend Bo Jangles to steal young dying Timmy's last wish money which gave you high praise from the judges, you fucked up the picture sending.  Oh well fuck face, there is always next year.  You must be very disappointed Albet.  Lily, for her first place efforts, will receive the first place prize:  $5000 US Dollars, a bowl of condoms (God knows you Africans need them), and a cute Ebola Monkey.  Don't worry Albert, your efforts were not in vain.  You will be going home with a customized picture of Eric Estrada (Chips, Mexican Soap Operas), attached with this email.  Here are the final results of this years contest.  I'd like to thank every Nigerian Piece of Shit Scammer for participating.  Especially you Albert.  May you die of a venereal disease or get eaten by a lion.  What ever you fuckers usually die from.

Thanks for playing,

Ed McMahon

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