OK,
this was a spin off of the Maryam and Sule
saga.
This guy, Mohamed Abacha, contacted Dirk early on in the M&S
scam. He stopped writing for a while then emailed Dirk during the
time he was allegedly in Nigeria conducting business with
M&S
and looking for his wife Yasmine. I decided to throw Mohamed into
the mix. I was going to add it to the Maryam/Sule scam but it turned
out to be so funny that it needs to stand alone.
NOTE:
Please read the Maryam and Sule scam first so
this will make sense.
You can't watch "Joanie
Loves
Chachi"
without seeing "Happy Days" first, right?
From
Mohamed to Dirk 4/23
Attention
: Mr. Toolhardy,
I received your mail.
First and Foremost, I thank you for your response and urge to assist me.
But, I don`t really know what you meant by you received my message by
error.
I directed my message
to you and not to any other person. So, if you are serious to co-operate
with me to do this business, send your current address, Telephone and
Fax numbers respectively to me, so that I will hand them over to my Lawyer
to commence the Business Proper.
However, I must emphasize
that you should keep this Business to yourself alone because it is highly
confidential and aboveall, requires a very urgent attention.
In conclusion, I advise
you send the requested information to me as soon as you get through this
mail.
I await your prompt
response.
Yours Sincerely,
Mohammed Abacha.
From Dirk to
Mohamed 4/23
Dear
Mr. Abacha:
Hold
onto your horses there buddy! You say that your message was intended just
for me. If so, how did you hear of me and my company, MILFwatchers? Do
you use the services of MILF? Please, at least let me know because I hope
there is something I can do with all of my power to help in your situation.
It
may also be helpful to get to know each other a bit. I am a shrewd businessman,
and though what you are proposing seems manageable, it also seems to good
to be true. I would like to share some personal information. I will not
be able to hand out more confidential information such as bank info as
fax numbers until I feel trust between us.
My
Name is Dirk Toolhardy and, as you know, I am the Chairman of MILFwatchers
Inc. I am married to a beautiful wife named Yasmine and we have three
children. We are profoundly Christian, I hope this will not be a problem.
I am attaching a picure of us so you can see what we are like.
I
hope you understand, but I simply can't proceed without establishing a
friendship and trust between us.
Sincerely,
Dirk
Toolhardy
MILFwatchers
Inc.
P.S.
You said that nobody could know about this. May I tell my wife? She would
be very thrilled and interested to help.
From
Mohamed to Dirk
4/ 26
Attention
: Dirk Toolhardy,
Dear Dirk,
Thanks for your mail.
Without wasting time, I got your contact from my late father`s most confidential
investment Diary. So, having gotten your contact from my father`s closet,
I envisaged that you may either be
a good friend of my late father or his business associate and above all,
a trustworthy and dependable
fellow. Thus, the trust and confidence I have to carry-out this transaction
with you.
My Dear, I am a very
young man, Married and expecting my first issue soonest. My beloved wife`s
name is Princess Fatima.
Yes! I advised that you do not reveal this transaction to any body
but your wife is part of you, so if she is the type that can keep secrets,
there is no harm in letting her know about the transaction. But, if she
is the type that cannot
hold her lips, you should then hold-on to inform her until the transaction
is concluded.
Though, you know your
wife as well as I know mine. Therefore, it is up to you to decide.
In conclusion, if
you are now okay to do this transaction, forward to me without delay,
the
requested information
Thanks for your co-operation while looking forward to a better relationship
with you and your entire family.
I await your prompt
response.
Best Regards,
Mohammed Abacha
From Mohamed
to Dirk
5/ 14
Dear Mr.Dirk
Tookhardy,
l enclosed with my
photograph for us to have intimate knowledge of ourself.Now l wish to
fax you the certificate of Deposite which l use in lodging the consignment
containing the money with the security company and other relivant documents
which will enable you to collect the consignment with out stress.First
i wish to know from you if you can come to Africa here{Ghana} to collect
the consignment.
Awaiting your responce
as soon as posible.
Thanks,
Mohamed!
From Dirk to
Mohamed
5/15
Dear
Mohamed,
Thank
you for the email. Sorry I did not write you sooner. I had
a long
night. I don't know if Maryam has told you but I'm dealing with
personal
issues, as well as business issues. I'm just waking up. I
have jet lag,
I'm hung over, and my Nigerian friends seem to only be using me for my
money.
They didn't even have the courtesy to pick me up at the airport.
Nice
picture by the way. Just out of curiosity, is that a newspaper
article? Also, I noticed your name is Mohamed. What
is it like to be
Jewish in Africa? Is there a heavy Jewish community in Ghana? I
too am
Jewish. I'm very excited.
I
can come to Ghana in two shakes of a elephants tail. Just let me
know.
I've
got cash. It' s American money. Will this be a problem?
Dirk!
PS
- I have included a photo of me with the cab driver from the airport.
This
way, you know what I look like. His name is Peter Aka. He
was really
nice. I am the guy on the right by the way. I bet you
just got a sense of
relief. You were probably thinking, "Jesus, how am I going
to identify Dirk
as he looks like everyone in Africa."
Email
me ASAP.
From
Mohamed to Dirk
5/17
Dear Dirk,
Where are you presently
now,are you here in my home country or you are about to come to Nigeria,please
be specific. Beside,who is this Maryam and what business do you
have with Maryam! If you are right here in Nigeria please furnish
me with your phone number here in Nigeria.
Mohamed!
From Dirk to
Mohamed
5/18
Dear
Mohawkhead,
I
am in Lagos. I thought you knew Maryam. She is the one who originally
contacted me about the transaction. I came over here to find my wife,
save Maryam's crippled ass son who needs a kidney transplant, and get
my portion of the 20 million. Now I am here, in Africa, living the life.
Shit man, that means you don't know Sule either. That is my nigga! He's
the shiz-nit bomb diggy. Look here brother, I have been high on Khat for
the last three days. I've slept with numerous African women. I've spent
so much money at this disco called KoKo's I think they are going to change
the name to Toolhardy's. I'm at the Sheraton. I'm so high right now I'm
willing to do
business
with anyone. Go ahead and tell me what you had in mind. My bad man, I
thought you knew Maryam. She said she is a queen or some shit. She sent
me a photo of herself. She looks like a three dollar whore with a two
dollar hair-cut.
Dirk
PS
- Have you ever chewed on this Khat. It is amazing. I was so closed minded
until I started using this stuff. I use to hear how great coke was, this
is ten times better.
PSS-
I just noted that all Nigerians put URGENT in every email. Strange.
From
Mohamed to Dirk
5/19
Dirk,
morning,i ask you
of your hotel phone number,furnish me with the hotel phone number and
your room number so that i can talk with you and give you some guild line
on how to hit Accra [Ghana] when ever you are through with Maryams deal,but
as a friend of mine you have to be carefull,i wouldnt like someone to
hurt you here in my country right.
I have also contacted
the security firm in Accra[Ghana] that you are coming then in reciept
of your responce,i will send through my email all the relivant document
immediatly.
As,you may know,my
movement here in Nigeria is highly restricted.
Mohamed!
From Dirk to
Mohamed
5/20
Hi
Mohamed,
Sorry
I didn't write to you sooner. I just woke up from sleeping for two
straight days. I am still in Lagos at the hotel. I want to
help you but I have to tell you something first.
Mohamed,
I fear for your life. This guy Sule and his partner Maryam said
they were going to kill you. They want me to set you up in Accra.
They want me to help them rob you. Sule says you are probably
a weak man and this would be really easy. I think you are a good
person so I want to warn you. Here is their email if you want to
contact both of them:
barr_sl2000@yahoo.com
h_maryam_ab@voila.fr
Feel
free to email them telling them you know what they are up to. Please
don't tell them I told you about this though. Also, please hide
because I am afraid they will do something horrible. Sule is crazy.
Thanks
Dirk
From
Mohamed to Dirk
5/ 21
DEAR DIRK,
THANK YOU FOR THE
INFORMATION BUT AT THE SAME, YOU SHOULD NOT WORRY. YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT
I AM A SON OF AN ARMY GENERAL AND HAVE BEEN SO CLOSE TO VERY HARD MILITARY
OFFICERS. HENCE, I HAVE BEEN DULY AQUAINTED WITH DEFENCE MECHANISMS.
JUST SEND TO ME YOUR
ROOM NUMBER AND THE TELEPHONE NUMBER OF THE HOTEL WITH WHICH I CAN REACH
AND SPEAK WITH YOU AND FORGET ABOUT YOUR SO CALLED SULE AND WHATEVER PLAN
HE IS MAKING.
I AWAIT FOR THE REQUESTED
INFORMATION WHILE THANKING YOU FOR YOUR CO-OPERATION.
YOURS FRIEND,
MOHAMMED.
From Dirk to
Mohamed
5/21
Dear
Mohamed,
Thank
GOD you responded. I am glad you are not worried but I still am.
I told Sule that you were the son of an army general and he referred
to you and the Army as "bitches who think they can fight." He
told me that he is skilled in martial arts and knows moves like the "Flying
Camel" and the "Donkey Punch." Mohamed, those are
some serious moves. I think it might be better if you leave Africa
for a while and change your name. I'm really scared for you. I
saw the picture you sent me, you can't way more than 125 pounds. Plus
your womanly frame has to be very fragile. Sule is like 250 pounds
and he is built like an American tank. Plus he's a black guy. You
are a nice Jewish man. You don't stand a chance. We have to
get you out of the country now. Please pack your things. Email
me when you are ready to leave the country and we will meet at my hotel.
I will take out a room in another name so Sule cannot find you.
I
noticed you added an extra "m" to your name so you must be a
little scared. Mohamed, that's not fooling anyone. You have
to change your name completely if you are going to hide like this.In the
mean time, I will work on getting you a fake ID. I noticed you added
an extra "m" to your name. Mohamed, that's not fooling
anyone. You have to change your name completely if you are going
to hide like this. Until then, I think we should call you Steve
Urkel. It's a nice name and no one will know it's you.
Steve,
be brave and pack your things. I'm going to save you.
Dirk
From
Mohamed to Dirk
5/21
Attn Dirk,
I have just finished
discussing with my lawyer in [Accra]Ghana.And i explained things to him
and your posision here in Nigeria.
However,he will guild
you proparly on what to do.His nobody as,James Obed.phone number;009-233-2081-36952.
After you discusion
with him contact immediatly?
Thanks,
Mohamed!
From Dirk to
Mohamed
5/22
Mohamed,
OK,
I'm a little confused. You said I am not serious about the transaction
and I shouldn't contact you anymore but now you want me to call your lawyer.
Which is it? Please email me back to clarify this.
I
sense there is some tension between you and I. I think it is unfair.
Mohamed, I was just trying to protect you. I know you think you are tough
but I also know Sule and Maryam. They really want to fuck you up bad.
Like
I said, I have seen your photo. I don't care if your dad was a general,
your going to need an AK-47 to stop Maryam, let alone Sule.
If
I were in any danger, I would hope you would tell me. If someone wanted
to physically hurt me or scam me out of something, I'm sure you would
let me
know. Right? You seem like a good man. Maybe I am wrong. I don't know.
Dirk
PS-
I wrote a poem yesterday while laying at the pool.
Loving
me these African bitches!
La
la la la la la la la
La
la la la la la la la
La
la la la la la la la
La
la la la la la la la
I
just can't get them out of my head.
They
are all that Dirk thinks about.
I
just can't get them out my head.
African
girl is all Dirk dreams about.
La
la la la la la la la
La
la la la la la la la
La
la la la la la la la
La
la la la la la la la
There’s
a dark secret in me
Don’t
leave me locked in your jungle
Set
me free
Put
down your spear
Set
me free
African
girl don't fear
And
ever and ever and ever
I'm
still playing with the words. At least I have the melody down.
Ebola
Monkey Note: Jesus, what do I have to say to piss this guy off?
From
Mohamed to Dirk
5/22
Dirk,
Its not that i am
anoyed with you right but theres a way someone will behave you beging
to think if the kiding,for me i am not kiding,i told you,call my lawyer
he is there to guild you.Then furnish me before you proceed forther.
Thanks,
Mohamed!
From Dirk to
Mohamed
5/23
Dear
Mohamed,
I
accept your apology. I know how you people can be. Do you think it might
be better for us to meet face to face? This way, we can look each other
in the eye, give each other a reach around, and develop a real trust.
I promise this is not a set-up. Neither Sule or Maryam will be there to
harm you. I have distanced myself from them. They think that you fled
the country so everything is safe. Tell me where to meet you and I will
be there.
Thanks
Dirk
PS-
Sorry about the first couple of emails I sent you. I was so high on Khat
that I must have just rambled on.
From
Mohamed to Dirk
5/24
My dear friend,
I can not take such
risk here in my country.I have told you ealier before now that i am under
surveliance,my movement is strictly restricted, the present gorvernment
want's me dead,except outside the country.
Have you called my
lawyer what did he say meanwhile before you leave for Accra Ghana pleas
notify me,i believe my lawyer has been expecting your call all this while.
From Dirk to
Mohamed
5/25
Jesus
Mohamed, seems like everyone wants you dead. What's it like not to have
any friends? You must always be living in constant fear. I have a 4 year
old niece that is the same way. She's always scared and crying. I feel
so bad for her. Maybe that's why I want to help you. You remind me of
her.
I
have tried calling your lawyer. Every time I call, some African guy picks
up. I can't understand him.
What
should I do? Maybe your lawyer can meet me since everyone hates you so
much and you are so afraid to die. Let me know.
Dirk
From
Mohamed to Dirk 5/25
Dear Dirk,
Thanks for your responce,you
might be thinking i'm joking by telling you that the present gorvernment
of Nigeria want's me dead. As soon as i'm through with this now
i better find my way to America or any part of the europe then settle
down,esterblish there and never think of coming back to Nigeria again.
Meanwhile i spoke
with my Lawyer some minutes ago and he was telling me that someone called
and refused to introduse him or her self,i beging to think it might be
you that called him. So,call him and tell him about me then explain
your self to him,though i have done that before now.
By the way, are you
still here in Nigeria or Accra Ghana,please notify me so that i can call
him and tell him your position,because your safety is my concern please,i
wouldn't like anything to hurt you because of me?
Awaiting your responce
as soon as posible.
Thanks and [Allah]
bless,
Mohamed!
From Dirk to
Mohamed
5/26
Hey
Mohamed,
I
don't know what to do. I give up. Every time I call your lawyer,
some African dude picks up. Please tell me what to do so we can
meet up. I'm still in Lagos, living the African dream.
Thanks
and Allah (?) too.
Dirk
Isn't
Allah the God of those crazy guys who flew the planes into the World Trade
Center. The IWANTSALAME AND BACON people?
From
Mohamed to Dirk 5/28
My friend,
Call the said number
and ask of Jamses Obed,because the last time i spoke with him he was telling
me that someone called and refuse to introduse him or her self,so call
him and ask of the above name tell him that you are the beneficiary of
the fund which was deposited with the security company,that i Mohamed
Abacha directed you to him,all the relivant document has been sent to
him,i mean my lawyer.
Meanwhile,it will
require your present in Accra[Ghana] and as soon as you are ready to meet
my lawyer in Ghana also reach me because as soon as i leave cybercafe
i will call my lawyer too.
Dirk,do you mean you
are not still through with your business in Lagos,anyway i may not no
how long!
Thanks,
Mohamed!
The lawyers number
is as follows;009-233-208136952, James Obed.
My mobil phone number
is,08033468678.My friend look let me tell you something you don't know,when
ever you wants to call me,always call when you are alone for security
reason, dont let your friends know i mean Revert/Maryam.I have been telling
you time with out number that i wouldn't be happy that some one hurt you
for my sake right. Because if they find out that you know
me they might think you have came to assist me take way those my fathers
moneyM
Meanwhile i beg to
stop here so far till we meet.
From Dirk to
Mohamed
5/29
Dear
Mohamed,
I
keep trying to call your lawyer. I can't understand a word this guy is
saying. Does your lawyer speak any English? I think you might be confused,
I'm American. I am sorry if I led you to believe that I am from Africa.
I
don't
speak the same language as your lawyer. I noticed you said you were in
a cyber cafe. What's up with Africans and cyber cafes? My former business
partners, Maryam and Sule (the two that want to hurt and rob you),
use
to use cyber cafes too.
Brother,
I know you are frightened and scared for your life. You must be so fragile
and delicate. I think you are over-reacting about this killing thing.
I won't let anything happen to you. Let's figure out where to meet because
I need to get back to America soon. I've been here for about two weeks
and really got nothing accomplished. Well, I take that back, if partying
with drugs and banging a lot of African girls is accomplishing something,
then I built the freaking Great Wall of China.
Dirk
PS
- Don't you think it is weird that you and Maryam have the same last name.
Maybe she is your sister or cousin?
From
Mohamed to Dirk 5/30
Dirk,
My lawyer said that
you are lying by saying that you called several times. But
i asked you to call me and you refused whats realy the problem,if
you are not ready to assist me please kindly notify me immediatly
as soon as you reaceive this mail to enable me look for another alternative.
Thanks,
Mohamed!
From Dirk to
Mohamed
5/30
Dear
Mohamed,
Your
lawyer is a liar. He also has a thick African accent. Did you know that?
I'm
getting a little suspicious of you and why you won't meet me. Something's
fishy and it's not the African girls. Why won't you meet me? Why
are you afraid to look me in the eye. I never do business over the phone.
Don't you think it's the same as email. At least I can understand you
with email.
I'm
in Lagos if you want my financial help. We can meet at the hotel or you
can name the place if it makes you feel more comfortable. I know you are
afraid of Sule and Maryam but don't be, they are no longer a threat to
you.
Dirk
From
Mohamed to Dirk
5/31
Dirk,
Since you want to
see me no problems,expect me on thursday being 5/6/03 in Lagos.Then how
do i reach you,since you refused to furnish me with your contact.Anyway
when i am through with where to stay in Lagos
for the few hours i got to spend i'll reach you,is that okay by you.
For my own safety,because
i may not know your plans and Marym/Reverts towards me.I ask you to call
me and you refused,so what else do you want me to do again,i'll come i
am not afraid of you but only my Federal Gorvernment.
Thanks and Allah bless.
Mohamed!
From Dirk to
Mohamed
6/1
Dear
Mohamed,
That
sounds great. Pick a place and time for us to meet in Lagos on the 6th
and I will be there. I will be wearing a light blue business suit. We
should also pick out a secret password that we can say to eachother when
we meet. Just so we know it is us. Do you want me to email you a picture
of me?
Thanks
Dirk
From
Mohamed to Dirk
6/3
Dirk,
My friend,if realy
you mean you are in Lagos,call me on this number; 08033468678?Lets talk
before then.
Thanks,
Mohamed!
From Dirk to
Mohamed
6/4
Mohamed,
Am
I crazy or did you contact me for my help? My way or the highway.
If you want my assistance financially, pick a place and time to
meet. If not, I am declaring shenanigans on this transaction.
Dirk
From
Mohamed to Dirk 6/4
Dirk,
I asked you to call
and you refused,i just want to inform you that my wife's younger brother
in oversea want's to assist me in this transaction.
I will get back to
you as soon as everything is okay,to reinburse you for your effort in
this business.
Thanks and Allah bless,
Mohamed!
From Dirk to
Mohamed
6/5
Dear
Mohamed,
I
completely understand. I'm glad you found someone else to scam, errrrrr,
help you with the transaction. Sorry, it seems that I have come down with
a condition called "BLURTOUTDATRUTH" while I have been in Africa.
My
friend Albert Fred, a fellow scammer, errrrr, African business man like
yourself, has invited me to a conference which I would like you to attend.
I think you will enjoy it and that way we can meet each other
face to face.
You
can really learn a thing or two at the convention. Please visit their
website and let me know what you think.
http://j-walk.com/blog/docs/conference.htm
So
what do you say? Can I put you down for a hard boiled egg and a cricket?
Dirk
From
Mohamed to Dirk 6/6
Dirk,
Are you scared of
calling my number,i gave you my mobile phone number to call and you refused,why.
Mohamed!
My number is as follows;08033468678?
From Dirk to
Mohamed
6/10
Dear
Mohamed,
No,
everytime I call it some African guy answers and I hang up. What did you
think about the conference?
Dirk
From
Mohamed to Dirk 6/11
Dirk,
I thought you are
a responsible man,i never knew you are not.
What did you say that
you call my line and some people pick the phone,
i put it to you that
you are a lier.In respect of you so called conference,how do you think
i will attend a conference people that tells lies,imposible?
Thank's,
Mohamed!
From Mohamed
to Dirk 6/12
Dear Dirk,
I dont think i can
continue wasting my time in communicating with unseriouse person like
you,a lier.
Meanwhile i am processing
my traveling document to meet with my Chines friend in respect of my transaction
with him so i am very busy for now.Iam not interested with your confrence.Take
note?
Mohamed!
EBOLA
MONKEY MAN: Finally, he caught on.
From
Dirk to Mohamed
6/16
Dear
Really Bad Scammer,
What
is the matter shit head, no reply? BE A MAN. Admit you were trying to
scam
me.
Dirk
From
Mohamed to Dirk
6/17
Dirk,
What's the problems
with you then when youve'd known me as a bad scammer,why not you leave
me alone,what do you want from me then,if you want us to be intimate friends
you better open up to me i will accept you as my friend i hope you have
my phone number you are ever free to call,if theres any assistance you
want from me call me if i am capable to assist,i will.
Thanks,
Mohamed!
From Dirk to
Mohamed
6/19
Dear
Mohamed,
OK.
You don't get it. Just so you know, I know about the 419 scam. As
a matter of fact, I actually have a website that exposes your fake asses.
Whitey is on to you boy. You've caught me in a good mood so I have a proposal.
I want to give you a job. If you are willing to be my Nigerian correspondent,
meaning you will write a column on my site that takes hard working people
like me into the mind of a thief, I will buy you a new blow dart gun and
pay you $10 US a month. I know what you are thinking and yes, this is
a far cry from the thousands you hoped to get from me, but at least you
would be earning it. Think about, you probably could feed your entire
village/tribe. If you have a conscious (stupid question on my part),
then we are good to go.
Check
out the site and get back to me: www.ebolamonkeyman.com
We
would love to have you on the team.
Dirk
errrrr
Ebola Monkey Man
PS-
I like you Mohamed. I might even give you a nickname.
From
Mohamed to Dirk
6/20
Dirk,
Thank's for your recent
mail.I thank you very much for your informations. But
i will like to ask you a questions;It's it a crime for people you regards
as scammers to let other members of the World that gediness is not good,dubiosness
is not good,i mean you people should allow scammers to let people learn
from there mistakes,i am not saying i'm one among the scammers right,i
am just trying to put sence into you ,i hope you get me right.
Then if you want me
to work with you as a friend,better because i do hear of scammers home
and abroad.
Thank's
Mohamed!
N/B,Dirk, where are
you presently,notify me as soon as you receive this mail,i hope you have
my phone number are you afraid of calling me.
From Mohamed
to Dirk 6/21
Dirk,
I didn't hear from
you today why?
Mohamed!
From Dirk to
Mohamed
6/22
Dear
Mohamed,
Thank
you for the email. I haven't been able to answer you emails in a
couple of days because I have been working. Like a normal person.
Working hard to make a living. Notice I said WORKING, not
stealing.
Cut
the crap, your not fooling anyone, I know you are a scammer. That's
why I'm offering you to let the world into the mind of a scammer and I'll
even pay you $10 and a new blow gun.
Dude,
scamming people is wrong in every sense. You can't justify stealing
from someone else. It's a cowards way out. Here's your chance
to be a leader and not a follower. Be a man, look around the Internet
cafe you are sitting in right now and tell your fellow scammers (I know
they are sitting right next to you) and tell them they are cowards. Tell
them that they are afraid of hard work and that they should follow you
to the nearest McDonalds and apply for a job. Then I will respect
you because that's what hard working people do. They suck it up
and go to there shitty job and work. They could easily be
criminals, but they aren't. They work their ass off and if there
is a God, they will be rewarded.
What
do you say? Will you be a leader?
Dirk
From
Mohamed to Dirk 6/23
Dirk,
I'm very very greatfull
for you resent mail you sent to me,it's quiet understandable.But it's
like you are calling me a thief,is it what you mean,that wrong by you.
Any way,i so much
love your words and i got to take you as a man.
Dirk,you see the course
of all this,is that when you go out there no job, you'll see a young Graduate
out there no job for him to do,what else do tou want he/she to do,i mean
it's quiet unfortunate,they said AN IDLE MAN IS AN ANGRY MAN,i hope you
understand what i mean.
So,Dirk my friend,i'm
just trying to express my fillings some how,to you i am not Mohamed Abacha,i
would have given you my full name but you are just like a green snake
in a green grass of which,if i see's a snake like you i would like to
kill,so for that i withheld my name for now,i hope you have my phone number,email
adress we can be reaching each orther.For now i don't have a job if you
have or theres any thing you can do for me to survive allways contact
me.
Thank's.
Name withheld.
From Dirk to
Mohamed
6/23
Mohamed
(I will just keep calling you that for the hell of it, even though I know
it's not your name),
Thank
you for emailing me back. I'm trying to make you understand that
I know you are a thief. You are a Nigerian 419 Scum/Scam artist.
Not a good one I might add but I will save that for another email.
You have to understand something, I'm not the snake here. It's
you my lazy brother. You are the one that tries to take money that
doesn't belong to you. There are plenty of people that graduate
from universities and they don't get high paying jobs. You don't
see them trying to steal money. Just because you are poor does not
give you the right to steel from people. The money you and your
fellow tribesmen steal destroys many peoples lives. Please, I'm
begging you, get a real job. You seem like a nice guy. Jesus
Mohamed, I'm the Ebola Monkey Man and I'm being nice to a scammer. I
know you can do it.
I
want you to light the Internet Cafe you are sitting in right now on fire.
I talked to God and he says he will forgive you if you light that
mother fucker up with all the other scammers. Lock the door, take
some gasoline, and burn that Internet Cafe down with all those scammers
in it.
What
do you say brother?
Dirk
PS
- It is hard to kill a small green snake with a blow dart gun. You
have to have amazing aim.
From
Mohamed to Dirk 7/3
Hey friend,
How you today,for
some time now we have not heared from each other i know you have been
expecting my mail,i am soory please,all this while i have been busy trying
to keep things in other you know.
Dirk,where are you
presently now i hope you do hear from your wife and your kids
how are they fearing
i hope okay extend my greetings to them right.
Men,i have been xepecting
your call all this while whats wrong,your last mail,i had what you said
but it's imposible,i don't believe in killing innocent people or destroy
something that deos'nt belong to me men i cant do that right.
I hope to hear from
you again,
Remain my friend Dirk.
Name withheld?
From Dirk to
Mohamed
7/7
Dear
Name Withheld,
I'm
good. I am back in the US. Sorry I did not write back sooner
as I was enjoying the holiday weekend. Yasmine and my sons extend
a greeting to you.
So,
you've been busy keeping your other scams in order. That's great.
Make any big scores? I can only imagine how busy you can get
if you have like 20 scams going at the same time. How do you not
confuse your victims? You must have the strength of 10 men.
I've
been busy too. I work a lot. Difference being that my company
helps people as opposed to sending them to financial ruin.
Hey,
this is just a shot in the dark but do you think my products on www.ebolamonkeyman.com
would sell well in your Internet cafe that you work out of? Imagine
how proud some of the scammers would be if I had shirts of them hanging
on the walls. Let me know.
You
will always be my friend because I like you. Be safe brother and
good luck scamming whitey.
Dirk
From
Mohamed to Dirk 7/9
Dear dirk
Thank's for your mail.
Again we got
to thank our almighty father for guilding you here in my country Nigeria
that noting happened to you, that was my pray every day.Anyway,i know
you didn't come because of me,you came for another business because i
could remember i never invited you to Nigeria. Dirk,it
has not been easy for me for some times now things have not been going
accordingly you may understand what i mean without been told. So,how
is your wife and your kid,i hope they are all okay,extend my warmly greetings
to all? I stop
here so far till i hear from you again.
Thank's and God bless.
EBOLA
MONKEY NOTE: Mohamed has actually confused the shit out of me with
this one. I don't even know how to respond. I like Mohamed.
He makes me laugh although I don't think he does it on purpose.
I'm going to let my good friend, The Profanator,
try to get through to him. I think this one needs a new flavor added
to it. Go get him brother.
From
The Profanator to Mohamed 7/10
Dear
Mohamed:
I
am good friends with Dirk Toolhardy. I write to you about a very
serious
matter, and one which I feel is worthy of my immediate attention. Dirk
is at
a complete loss as to what to say to you. I will try to explain, please
read
this very carefully and try to understand all. If it helps, chew on some
bark
or something for concentration. This is important Mohamed, Dirk is
quite upset.
Dirk
Toolhardy does not exist. Let us call the man with whom you have been
in contact "Name Witheld." Name Witheld's (Dirk Toolhardy's)
hobby is
contacting Nigerian 419 fraud scammers and baiting them for fun. By baiting,
I mean making them think they are going to make money and having them
do all
kinds of silly things. Name Witheld knows you are one of these scammers.
He
does
not know why you are pretending you are not. Name Witheld has never
been to Nigeria, he has no children, and he is worried about you being
a
complete retard for still carrying on this ruse.
If
you go to this website, and please do, you will find a copy of your
correspondence with name witheld and even your fake picture.
www.ebolamonkeyman.com
Please
write back and tell us whether you think the website is funny. You
see Mohamed, Name Witheld and I like you, very much. We have, for a while,
wanted to talk on a personal level with one of you chaps. We think you
are
generally a good guy, perhaps not too sharp, but we blame that on education.
At
the very least, acknowledge the fact that Name Witheld reverse scammed
you and that you are a scammer. We like you Mohamed, please write back
pal!
Sincerely,
Name
Witheld's Friend
(Profanator)
Ebola
Monke Note: Fucker
won't write us back. I may just take back the job I offered him. |
From
Mohamed to Dirk 7/11
Mohamed,
Jesus
brother, listen to the man, that's a hell of a blow gun. On top
of the that, an extra 20 spot. Are you crazy? This is the
opportunity of a life time. You were always telling me about how
many people wanted you dead dude. Now you will be able to cap their
asses with a laser guided poisonous frog tipped darts. You'll be
unstoppable. Fuck yeah!
Please
consider it my man. I expect your response ASAP.
Dirk
PS
- How would you say these phrases in your language (I need them soon so
please
write
back):
"I
like they way you do that right thurr"
"We
only humans girl we make mistakes, to make it up I do whatever it take,
I love you like a fat kid love cake"
"Cuz
it's 187 on mother fuckin' cop"
"Dirky,
what's my mutha fuckin name. Dirky, and who I'm rollin wit, my niggas."
"Girl,
you looks good, won't you back that ass up, You´se a fine motherfucker,
won´t you back that ass up, Call me big daddy when you back that
ass up"
"Why
do birds appear, everytime, you are near. Just like me, they long
to be, close to you" (by the way, this one is not for me, um, it's
for a friend)
From
Mohamed to The Profanator 7/12
DearWilliams,
Call this number for
us to discuss,the number is as follows;
08033468678.
Nigerian code num;234
Then you can omite
the first zero?
Thank's!
From Mohamed
to The Profanator 7/12
Dirk,
What do you mean,by
the way who is this man that you gave my email adress,i dont know him,if
you realy want me to work for you okay not given my adress to people i
dont know right.
Okay,lets talk deal
now,how it's it go be tell me and also tell me the condition of the condition
of the job lets kick off.again next time don't you ever use the word fuck
to me right, i know why i am saying this,because both of us now are like
partners,if i'm not mistaking since i started communicating with you i
have never one day used an abusive word to you because i don't like insult,i
have my own way of doing my things,infact till i read from you againg.
Thank's?
From Mohamed
to Dirk 7/13
Dear
Mohamed,
I'm
sorry, I will never use the word fuck again when talking to you. Fuck
is a tough word for some and sometimes I don't think. Fuck can make
people
angry. You are right, since we have been communicating, you have
never used
words like fuck, fuck face, fuckety fuck fuck, or fucking fuck fucker.
Regardless,
I will never use the word fuck again.
The
Profanator is my business partner. I'm sorry I didn't warn you that
he
would be writing you. You can trust him. Mohamed, we both
like you and
want you to join the team at www.ebolamonkeyman.com. You asked me
the
condition of the condition. I'd like to allow myself to introduce
myself. The
Profanator and I are conspiring to conspire and want you to come aboard.
Think again about the proposal.
You
are my man Mohamed. So can you please translate the phrases that
I
asked you to in the last email. It would mean so much to me.
Thanks
Dirk
From
Mohamed to The Profanator 7/13
Dear Profanator,
I don't know you,untill
i confirm who you are from my friend Dirk,then i
will respond to you.And if realy you work hand in hand with Dirk send
me picture of both
of you.
Thank's?
From The Profanator
to Mohamed 7/14
Dear
Mohamed:
I
am shocked and appalled, sir. How dare you question my motives or
friendliness with Dirk. What, you think I just happened to find your e-mail
address and come up with the name Dirk as an intro. Dirk is right, you
are a
moron. Dirk and I have been collegues for some time. he should be writing
to
inform you and to let you know that we still want you as a partner at
www.ebolamonkeyman.com.
Dirk
told me about your anger at his bad language, particulary the word
fuck. I have told Dirk on several occasions that e-mail is no place to
use
the word fuck. It is as improper to say fuck as it is to say shit, piss,
tits, spunk, arse, or twat. However, fuck is totally rude and I have told
Dirk not to offend you by saying fuck again. He knows never to say fuck
to
you Mohamed, I have made sure that fuck has been struck from his lexicon.
Anyway,
please let me know about the blowgun and twenty dollars. Please be
my friend too, Mohamed.
Sincerely,
Profanator
P.S.
You may call me Will Tuchme
PROFANATOR
NOTE:
Dude...
I have no fucking clue what to do about this one...
Um, help... I am at a loss for words. Should we try to get him back into
the scam? I think this fuckwit would actually buy it.
hang
on dude... I am sending him a pic of ron and bruce campbell.
From
Mohamed to The Profanator 7/14
Dear friend,
It's like you came
with Dirk to Lagos last time he came to
Nigeria,Sure.
Anyway,for now i don't
need your money neither your blow gun,,just go
straight to the point,what i can do for you right now,then how is the
job is going to look
like,i have made up my mined to work with your and Dirk,i
am ever ready to work with you if only you and Dirk will keep to your
words.I will not betray you,you will not betray me either. Again,before
i will forget,the picture i told you about,you and Dirk should
take a shot and send to me for propoer identification,for me to be sure
of what i am doing
and people i want to work with?
Thank's and God bless!
From The Profanator
to Mohamed 7/14
Mohamed,
Ok,
you know that I did not come to Lagos with Dirk. That is right...
Neither did Dirk, you dolt.
We
will not betray you as you will not betray us. We will be partners. We
both like you. Please think about the blowgun and money though, that is
a
hell of a deal and we want you to be happy.
Just
to prove we like you, I am sending you the picture you have requested
of me and Dirk.
In
return, we would like for you to complete your first assignment for us.
We would like for you to write us a letter telling us, in detail, about
the
internet cafe you are in. How many people are in there, what are they
doing,
are they doing business? What are they drinking?
Please
do this for us. We will then do something for you,
Sincerely,
Dirk's
friend Will
(Profanator) |