One of the great pleasures the Profanator and I get out of scambaiting is reading the slang / butchering of the English language in the text of each email. Being the great writer that the Profanator is, he compiled a list of some of the best massacres we have seen in the scams on the EMM site. We decided to call this MUGONICS(a play on the English language with a little Nigerian 419 Scammer flavor). If we are lucky, maybe one day Webster will recognize this great new language.

Dear readers:

My good friend and colleague, The Ebola Monkey Man, and I have often waxed whimsy over the codification of a 419 lexicon. It seems that the joy and rapture we feel over excellent and humorous bastardizations of English grammar and spelling are little gems we have come to cherish as payment for our scambaiting remit. Indeed, when the Monkey and I speak, we often--and affectionately--use such colloquialisms as hand phone and bad elements. Obviously, the creation of the world's first (and only) scambaiting dictionary was only a matter of time. Feel free to frequent this page often, as it is sure to be not only a rich and deeply compelling work, but also an indispensable tool for the aspiring scambaiter.

All that is left is to thank the brilliant and cunning Monkey for his generosity of the webspace. Enjoy the read and please forward suggestions for inclusion to the Monkey.

We proudly give you, Mugonics

The Profanator

ATTACHED - (v) The act of violence against a gentleman 419 scammer by a group of Bad Elements. i.e.: "I WAS ATTACHED BY BAD ELEMENTS WHO BEAT ME ON THE HEAD WITH MY HAND PHONE"

BAD ELEMENTS - (n) Group of more than two gentlemen of the Nigerian persuasion that attach helpless and otherwise noble fraud scammers before smiting them in the head with their very own hand phone. The hand phone is then removed from their person. Also, fictitious characters designed to impart a sense of guilt on potential scam victims. Etymology: Mohamed Abacha (Nyema!) first used this term in an effort to get a new hand phone from Dirk Toolhardy, then Willy Tuchme, respectively. Following the attack of the Bad Elements, Nyema! assured Dirk and Willy that he got very drunk and ate bugga.

BARRISTER - (n) Fictitious title of Nigerian "businessmen" self-appointed and elevated to the rank of lawyer. Not to be confused with a coffee slinging barista -- Dirk Toolhardy angered Sule Lamido very early (see Maryam and Sule scam) by asking why his client would hire an individual who makes coffee, duly noting that the transaction sounded like a job best tackled by a lady or gentleman versed in Nigerian law.
Synonym: See Dr.

BUGGA - (n) Nigerian fucktardism for burger.
Etymology - Meaning officially withheld from Nyema! a.k.a. Mohamed Abacha. Pieced together by the Profanator in relation to Nyema!'s description of foods available at a cyber-cafe.

BUY FOR EVER - (reverse greeting) Coined by Nyema!?, this term is not an endorsement of retail purchasing fervor, it is actually a poinant and meaningful: "Fuck you, dude! I'm out!"

CHEGUW - (N) Fuckwitted epithet of friendship directed at hip and cool Americans by distinctly unhip 419 scammers. Etymology: First presented by Prince Soki Mobutu and directed at gangsta rappers Foe-on Nine during an epic scam. Prince Soki, obviously feeling weakened by a poor grasp of English -- more specifically, the slang associated herewith -- blurted this tender expression in an act of frustrated desperation, which although not cool at all, certainly gave him the confidence and credibility needed to fool the gangstaz.

CO-COHORTS - (n) Individuals associated with individuals associated with a fictitious man of power who is wickedly attempting to harm a Nigerian "businessman" of your contact. The Co-cohorts are considered Bad Elements and are designed to impart a sense of impending doom should the transaction not be carried out with haste.

COMPLIMENTS OF THE SEASON - (Greeting) Polite beginning to an e-mail meaning: give me all of your fucking money you stupid, western turd.

CONFIDENTIAL - (adj) Situation marked by repeated pleas not to disclose information regarding the same to third parties. Based on trust, this whole-hearted attempt by Nigerian deal brokers to remain undiscovered as fraudsters is characterized by shit scared bleatings and claims of personal danger.

DEMURRAGE - (wtf?) Still under scrutiny by this lexicographer. Meaning not understood. Etymology probably based in taxes and excise.

The term "demurrage", as used by 419 scammers, refers to a daily fee charged by a bank or security company to hold the consignment package supposedly containing millions of US dollars, as the scammers usually call our currency (USD is a common abbreviation they use).

Here are three meanings of DEMURRAGE submitted by readers:

1. The idea is, the box of money has been sitting around for months, and the fees, or demurrage, charged by the bank or security company has added up over time to thousands of dollars, and no one has made the payments. That, of course, is why the scammer pretends to be so desperate for someone to help him that he's willing to split the inheritance. But, as you know, every time you send them money to cover the demurrage, they run into more difficulties and they keep asking you for more money to bail them out....

2. Hi, just wasted a whole day's worth of my employers time reading your website... Damn you! Anyway, regarding "demurrage", I have seen this term used by the railroad industry. In this context it refers to the amount of time that a customer keeps a boxcar (or whatever) beyond the allowed amount of time given for unloading it and returning it to the railroad. It also refers to the charges the railroad levies for such extra time...I suppose the term also applies to trucks, shipping containers, cargo ships, etc.

3. A time-related charge on outstanding balances of a currency. Acts similarly to a negtive interest rate, and was designed to give a disincentive to hoard the currency. Savings would then occur in forms other than accumulation of the medium of exchange. Silvio Gesell developed the theory that money is like a public service (like public transport), and therefore a charge is justified. Both John Maynard Keynes and Irving Fisher provided theoretical foundation for this approach, and it was implemented in the "stamp scrip" of the 1930's.

DR. - (Title) Aggrandized title conferred upon one's self with no formal training studied or endured. Many Nigerian "businessmen" maintain the rank of Dr., usually pertaining to geology or similar sciency subject. Do not, under any circumstances, ask for medical advice from the aforementioned and self-proclaimed Ph.D.'s. As they have no specialized training and have fictitiously risen to a level of expertise in a field unrelated to medicine they may poorly advise. However, it can be fun.
Synonym: See Barrister.

DYING - (v) Desperately needing money. See: Terminally ill.

HAND PHONE - (n) Fuckwitted attempt to describe a cellular telephone.

HASEHOLE - (n) Moronic substitution for anal orifice. Etymology: once enraged to a furious boil by the Profanator, Dr. Donald Obafemi (Dr. Duck Butt), saw fit to call the Profanator a hasehole and rebuked him with tales of feasting on ice cream directly from his mother's vagina.

HASE - (n) Submoronic cocktardism for one's derriere. Could possibly be a clever blend of 'ass' and 'face' but by judging the mental faculties and acumen of Dr Donald Obafemi (Dr. Duck Butt), the term's founder, it is doubtable, indeed. Readers?

HEARTH - (n) Once believed by ancient Egyptians to be the Centre of knowledge and soul, we now know this organ to be responsible for circulation of the blood. I think it is also something in a fireplace. Anyway, women are loved my Nigerians with all of it.

INTERNAL - (Euph) Nice-Nellyism coined by Prince Soki Mobutu aimed at chilling gangsta rappers B-Smooth and Black Mic-Bitch Honkey Killa, while also offering a one-for-my-homie brand of respect. Presumably a suitable and "hip" replacement for peace, word, or for-real.

KOWN – aka know.

NEXT TOMORROW - (n) Confused attempt to describe the day after tomorrow.
PROFANATOR NOTE: I personally believe that this is a cunning and powerful psychological tool for scammers to extend the amount of time they need to get photographs made. Next Tomorrow sounds gentle enough to be soon, yet fulfills the requisite dark foreboding of time beyond a simple, "tomorrow." However, such an extrapolation cannot be solidified without further scientific scrutiny. When such data is available, dear readers, it shall be made public, and with it, my hypothesis shall be thrust to the realism of "etymology."

RAPER - (n) Unfortunate nomenclature for Black Mic and B-Smooth of Foe-on Nine fame; a variation of rapper.

RAW LANGUAGE - (n) Any singular, or combination of dirty words used by scambaiters to elicit or educe a prescribed response. These dirty words or phrases may involve, but will certainly not be limited to, shit; piss; ass; twat; spunk; cockhead; fucktard; cocktard; and buttbleed.
PROFANATOR NOTE: It is interesting just how offended the "pure of heart" scammers take these words.

RESPECT - (N) Condition by which an individual is required to give a Nigerian "businessman" lots of his or her hard earned money, while being courteous and intimately aware of the caliber of person with whom said individual is dealing. This situational alignment is also characterized by being nice to the aforementioned "businessman" while being buttfucked in the ass.

TERMINALLY ILL: - (adj) See Dying.

TRANSACTION - (n) Any arrangement with a Nigerian "businessman" Including at least two of the following: A large sum of cash, last name Abacha, tragic deaths, demurrage, security companies, travel, poor English, lies, deceit, and friendship.