Origin:  After reading and laughing myself to tears, imagine my delight when a colleague received a very nifty offer.  Decided to see if we could follow in the footsteps of the masters...


Using some Monkey Pox examples, let's see what we can do.


Here is the original offer...



From: sammy_ug [mailto:[email protected]]

Sent: Monday, October 13, 2003 10:44 AM


To: sammy_ug

Subject: From:Samuel & Jenate

From:Samuel & Jenate

Red Cross Camp


Abidjan Ivory Coast

For confidentiality please

reply me through my private

email: [email protected]




My Dear,

Permit me to acquaint you with this proposal for the purpose of investment in your country. I know this letter TIAL PROPOSAL.may come to you as a surprise since we have not met before. I got your contact from Cote d'Ivoire Chamber of Commerce and Industry. I prayed over it and selected your name among other names due to its esteeming nature and the recommendations given to me as a reputable and trust worthy person that I can do business with and by the recommendation , I must not hesitate to confide in you for this simple and sincere business.


My name is Samuel, the son of late Mr. David Karba. My father until his death was the Director of Gold / Diamond Mining field of Kono District in Sierra Leone. Before his death in a private hospital in Freetown, he disclosed to me the reason he was poisoned by his business associates. He revealed to me of a consignment containing US$3,600,000 (Three million six hundred thousand us dollars) he deposited in a private security company in Abidjan,Cote d'Ivoire for safety purpose since there was war in our country. He explained further that he declared the consignment as a family treasure and artifect to the Security Company to avoid them raising eyebrows,hence, they do not know the content of the consignment. He also directed me where he kept the deposit certificate and agreement reached with the security company. He advised that I should leave for Abidjan in the event of his death mmediately to facilitate the claiming and transfer of this money to any country of my choice for proper nvestment and also to avoid being kill by the people that killed him.


Presently, I am in Abidjan, Cote d'Ivoire with my only sister jenate after the burial and three months mourning as our village local tradition demands.I am now looking for an honest and trustworthy person who will assist me in this business as my late father instructed.Besides, I strongly want to continue my education in your country and you would definitely stand as my guardian and overseer of any investment made with this money. You will also plan to accomodate me and my sister Jenate in your country, since my father's death, Jenate had been sick due to circumstances sorrounding my father's death. It is in proper to live her behind since no body will be taking care of her. As soon as the consignment is out from the security company and the transfer made, you will be compensated with 15% of the total sum, while the remaining will be for investment. If you are willing to assist me in this transaction, kindly contact me with this telephone number +225 05 00 08 92 or email address: [email protected], as stated,send your phone and fax numbers in your next mail , I will then furnish you with the details,including faxing of the certificate of deposit and deposit agreement to you for your perusal and confirmation.


Thanks and God bless you,


Yours sincerely

Samuel karba




Will shoot for a fairly straight play by establishing interest and introducing the initial cast of characters.  They will be:



William Ulysses Phystme (you can see where this is leading). President/CEO.  A successful international businessman and founder of Phystme Colonics.


Image courtesy of Dennis Kozlowski.  Former Tyco exec and criminal.

Ms. Fiorina Phystme.  William’s  daughter and COO.  She stands right behind Mr. Phystme.  She is also engaged to be married to. She expects to use a hyphenated name.


A marketing genius, she is the originator of the company slogan:

“Phystme Colonics – we stand behind our work”

Image courtesy of Carly Fiorina.

Mr. Richard Hardendeep. A fine upstanding fellow of Dutch/East African (maybe Nigerian) background.   Has had a running affair with Fiorina, but also has been embezzling from Phystme.  After a happy (and imminent) wedding, he will be caught – allowing use of the second very fine photo.


Image courtesy of Andrew Fastow.  Someone who, with any luck, will become acquainted with the concept of Phystme in some new federal home.

Here is a great shot of “Richard” getting led away.  Got to find a way to work this into the story.




After following some of the very excellent exploits conducted by the Monkey Pox, my goal is to walk away with a picture of this scammer holding a very rude pickup sign at the airport.  We'll see what happens.


The first reply…


Date: Wed, 15 Oct 2003 14:29:53 -0700 (PDT)

From: "William Ulysses Phystme" <[email protected]>

Subject: Proposal of Sammy Karba

To: [email protected]


Dear Mr. Karba:


I am William Ulysses Phystme.  Your email was forwarded to me by a trusted relative for consideration and review.  He does not have much experience in international business, while I have traveled to Asia on numerous occasions and have worked with Asian suppliers in my former businesses.  While I have not been to Africa, he thought I might be better able to assess this opportunity.


However, having traveled throughout Asia, I have seen the vast wealth that can be accumulated and believe that the figures you are referring to are very real.


I also have a business colleague that once helped a businessman in the former Romania redistribute cash and received a reasonable fee for his support.  I am pleased that you sought out assistance.


I am interested in your offer, but feel that 15% is a bit modest for the services rendered.  Can you offer 25% with you paying any expenses - or 30% if I have to bear them?


As a businessman, I could use the working capital to improve my business operations.  The local investment community is very poor right now - most venture capitalists are greedy pigs - and my firm is in need of a deposit.


In addition, my daughter (an officer in the company also) is soon getting married and this is taking much time (and money - she has high standards) and lastly, I am finishing the details of my next trip to Taiwan (Kaoshiung and Taipei) for business development.


If you think we still have something to discuss, please advise at your convenience.





William Ulysses Phystme


Phystme Colonics

"Our job is to give you a hand"



OUTSTANDING!  A reply, and a long one too.  Was a little concerned because the "send it to my private email address" resulted in a bounce.  Ended up just using the original inbound version.  The game is afoot.


Date: Fri, 17 Oct 2003 14:12:16 +0200

Subject:    We sincerely thank you

From: "sammy_ug" <[email protected]>

To:   "wuphystme" <[email protected]>


Dear William Ulysses Phystme,


Thank you immensely sir for your encouraging and fatherly message.We

recieved your message with a lot of joy and re-affirm our trust and confidence in you.


However, we thank you very much for your quick response and consideration to give attention to our proposal, hoping that this will mark the beginning of a long-lasting business and personal relationship. We pray God to give you the means to assist us in the realization of this aspiration. We wish to inform you that we are ready in whatever way to seal up this transaction with you. And we believe that with our collective efforts we could achieve our aspiration in the nearest future.




Considering the fact that we have not met and this fund are in cash, safely deposited in the vault of a private Security Company, ready to be lodged in an account, which shall be opened by you here in Abidjan, may we inform you that it will be appreciated if you could come down here to assist us in opening / floating of an account where the fund will be lodged for subsequent transfer to your account and to workout modalities for proper investment prior to the transfer of the fund to an account which shall be nominated by you any where in the world. This is very imperative, as we am not allowed to open an account due to our refugee status. 

Just "come on down"?  Sure, I'll stop by Abidjan on the way home from the pub and open it right up.  On the positive note, there is no mystery that a trip to the airport with the sign is in order...


It is my pleasure to inform you that we have agreed to increase the pecentage to 20%. 15% of the total sum for your kind assistance, 5% has been mapped out to cover local and international expenses that may be incurred by both parties either as a result of telephone bill, flight ticket e.t.c, while the remaining 80% shall be for me and my sister which shall be used for investment according to your advice. Please note that our door is open for joint venture with you, so if you wish to invest jointly with us, that will be appreciated. 

I like the spirit of cooperation and negotiation being exhibited here, but the cheapskates wouldn't come up to 30%.  Have to complain about this.


It will be appreciated if you could give us a break down on the kind of investment opportunities in an around your country as we rely solely on your advice in this regard. 

This should be fun...


I shall be transmitting copies of the Deposit Certificate and Agreement entered with the Security Company by my late father where the consignment containing the fund is deposited pending the time I receive your response.  Also your private telephone and fax number is needed to enable us send the documents to you.  Hmmmm.  Really not interested in that.  How about the local FBI field office instead?  Delay on this for now.


Thank you once again sir, for your willingness to assist us in this transaction. You should take us as your own children. Be rest assured that all processes involved in this transaction shall be very transparent and legal.


Extend our regards to your daughter who is getting married very soon. Tell her that we wishes her HAPPY MARRIED LIFE.expecting to meet her very soon. 

This is wonderful - they are already expecting a visit from Mrs. Phystme-Hardendeep.


Waiting to hear from you.


Yours sincerely,


Samuel Karba.



A quick reply to acknowledge his puncutality, as well as set the stage for some more fun.  As Mr. Phystme is a busy traveller with pending trip to Asia, the only way to get info faxed is to use the local hotels he is staying at… 


From      : "William Ulysses Phystme"

To          : "sammy_ug" [email protected]

Date      : Sun, 19 Oct 2003 08:39:39 -0700 (PDT)

Subject : Re: We sincerely thank you



Dear Samuel:


Thank you for the prompt reply.  I can sense that you are a man of action and purpose - you did not waste any time in outlining some of the actions that need to be done.  As a very busy EXECUTIVE, I like that.


As to the details of your letter:


I think meeting in person for a transaction of this type is crucial given the importance of the details.  As I mentioned, I have a pending trip to Asia.  I must do this first, then maybe can add to it and meet you. 


I must say, there is so much to do right now, my daughter, Fiorina Phystme, who works as an executive in the firm is very soon married.  She has been seeing the CFO of the firm, a decent upright gentleman Richard Hardendeep.  Maybe you have heard of him, he is of Dutch/South African background?


What airport serves your area?  I will investigate flights.


As to the communications, I have no fax machine.  Seems very few people use them anymore, and with my travel schedule its easiest to use email.  Can you forward anything you need by email?  Although, sometimes at the hotels I am at, I can receive Faxes - that's a good work around.  I can advise you of my fax number where I am staying and you could send to me there.


As to investment opportunities, there are many kinds in the US.  Of course, there is always the stock market, but its been not very good of late.  There is a more profitable type of direct investment in a company called a Private Placement.  Without being too forward, I can say that a Private Placement lodged in Phystme Colonics would be very satisfying.  We can discuss option later as this unfolds.


The one item of concern is the percentage.  Thank you for your efforts to increase the share coming to me.  It is not as much as I had wanted, but for now, is sufficient to keep moving.  If details come out later that change that perspective, we can readdress this.


In the meantime, I await your information and next steps.




William Ulysses Phystme


Phystme Colonics

"Our job is to give you a hand"



Moving very quickly along.  I like the motivation here.


Date:  Mon, 20 Oct 2003 13:19:16 +0200


From:  "sammy_ug" <[email protected]>

To:  "wuphystme" <[email protected]>


Dear William Ulysses Phystme,


I appreciate your concern towards our problem though you have limited time but you accepted to buy out time from there to assit us. I and my sister are very happy.


From your letter i must thank you once more for your understanding on the reason why it is important we meet. on that aspect I will like to know your travel schedule and when you are proposing to meet us here. But you have to fasten up thing because the hard conditions we are experiencing here in the refugee camp. Like i earlier told you that my sister is always sick because the envoironment is not conducive for her.


The Airport name is Felix Houphouet Boigny International Airport Abidjan(ABJ) Cote D'ivoire( Ivory Caost).


Since we have agreed to work together, The attatched Documents (DEPOSIT CERTIFICATE AND THE AGREEMENT CERTIFICATE) are for your perusal. These documents were given to our late father when he deposited the box containing the Fund. But for our security and your information the officails of the Security company do not know the real content of the box. It was declared by my late Father as family Valueables.


Thank you for your summary on the investment opportunities in your country and will be please to welcome more lucrative ones pending on your advice.  I must thank you once more for your effort and wish to promise that this will mark the begining of a new life in us.


I am patiently waiting for your response. My regards to your family.



Samuel Karba.




Please note that the term of this was executed on 12/01/2000.  Good for 30 days.  After which there is a holding charge of $50.00 per day.  Seems like Mr. Karba is going to need at least $50,000 to spring this box loose.


Oh, and the poodle-looking graphic is a nice touch..



Date: Mon, 20 Oct 2003 11:18:52 -0700 (PDT)

From: "William Ulysses Phystme"


To: "sammy_ug" <[email protected]t>



Dear Sammy:


I am in receipt of your documents.  I must be a very long wait as your dear father opened these several years ago.  I did notice that there is a storage fee accumulating on this – if my math is right, it must be approaching USD$50,000. Have any payments been made against this?  If not, what do you propose for addressing this?


I am arranging the travel right now, in between finalizing wedding plans (you see, my daughter will be married this weekend), so it is unclear as to whether I will come from Taipei, Kaoshiung, Hong Kong, or Shanghai.  I will send you a list the locations as soon as I have them established along with contact info there so we can fax as needed.  As a  technical note, I have found it best to send these using the “superfine” setting for better resolution, and I would suggest always sending them twice to make sure the pages get through (if one does not, the next copy might).


You have been very responsive, so it has caused me to think that this might come together sooner than I had initially thought.  I’ll try to factor that in to the trip planning.


In advance of our next exchange, I have attached several company photos of myself, Fiorina, and Richard just so you can get a sense of who we are.  They are as yet not privy to our discussion, but Fiorina may be trusted and may be involved as my representative.  Not sure about Richard yet, but I’ll enclose his photo also.  Please send some back at your convenience so that we might become familiar with you.





William Ulysses Phystme


Phystme Colonics

"Our job is to give you a hand"


William Ulysses Phystme, President/CEO


Fiorina Phystme, VP Marketing


Richard Hardendeep, CFO


Date: Tue, 21 Oct 2003 17:04:52 +0200
From: "sammy_ug" <[email protected]> |
To: "wuphystme" <[email protected]>

Dear William Ulysses Phystme,

I did not know how to thank you for your effort to assist us.It is only God who will reward you with his divine blessings.

Yes from the Agreement and Deposit Certificates ther are accumulated fees to be paid before the Security company can release the box containing the Fund to us. Based on our present situation here we are not financially capable to pay the fees, It was one of the most reasons why we are seeking for your assistance. I feel this is one of the expenses we may encounter and will be deducted from the 5% mapped out for expenses.I perfectly understand you tight schedule and pray that God will give you the Strenght to accomplish it safely.

We are awiting for you to give me the list of the locations and exact time you will be here. From your shedule we can now be able to go and inform the security company that our Late father's foreign partner is coming to retrieve the box in thier custody but we will take your permission before going to inform them.

I will like to ask for a favor from you and i hope this will not go against your wish. I will like you to take us like your children and we will be calling you our father since we do not have anyone to call our father.

Dad, please we are asking you to come to our aid as soon as possible so that we can leave the Camp i earlier explianed to you that my little sister is always sick because of the hash condition we found our selves in the refugee camp here. This is a situation we have never experienced in life before but look at today we victims. Pesonally i will like my sister to move out from there as soon as possible if it is God's wish. God's Time is the Best.

I appreciate the familiarity you are establishing between us though distance does not make any difference. I can remember a word my late father told me when he came back from London. He said," Every where you go,you will meet people with different faces and different characters but one emotion, that show we are one". the images i saw touched me and i remember these words. it is quite unfortunate that we do not have any picture for now but i promise that I and my sister will go and snap one for you. Immediately it is ready i will send it to you.

We are patiently waiting for you response.Thank you once more and God bless regards to your family.

Samuel Karba.

Gag, Barf. This is so syrupy sweet it giving me cavities - has to end. However, it does present a great segue to introducing the less familiar “Will”. Time to get the photo request going.

Date: Wed, 22 Oct 2003 15:30:09 -0700 (PDT)
From: "William Ulysses Phystme" [email protected]
To: "sammy_ug" <[email protected]>


Ok. Its been a busy day, but lets cover several items here.

$50k in fees is pretty steep. Is there anything else that needs to be planned for or other issues? Just what is planned as far as remitting these fees to the security company?

Schedule is still being formed up.

Thanks for the kind regards, but I'm not looking to acquire another family. I'm finally about to get my daughter married off.

For something less formal, you can call me "Will".

If you are getting some photos taken, for efficiency, please send several with you holding the greeting signs we will need at ABJ airport - like the ones the Asian folks use when I go there. Because I don't know which of us (or both) will be coming, please take several pictures with you holding the following signs printed in big bold letters:

1. Will U Phystme (you can use the less formal name here)
2. Phystme-Hardendeep (in case Fiorina comes, use her married name)

Best would be if you could have the pictures taken at the airport in the arrival area that we will be coming to so that we will know what to look for. As we have never been to ABJ, this is important as it will have been a long flight and want to ensure we know what to expect. I suggest one picture closeup so we know the sign is correct and can have a good picture of you that we will recognize, and a second one showing you and the sign by the arrival area in the airport.



Hadn’t heard from the scammer and thought the request for signs may have finally tipped him off.  Sent along a more standard fair, along with some pix from some of William’s bashes.  Fairly straight for now, the next batch will be more interesting.


Date: Fri, 24 Oct 2003 09:27:49 -0700 (PDT)

From: "William Ulysses Phystme" <[email protected]

Subject: Update to our discussion

To: [email protected]




A short update.


Will be departing for Asia after the wedding this weekend.  Will forward a schedule shortly.  Its still a little undefined, but will begin in Taipei.


Will you have an opportunity to reply to the questions regarding the security company?  And if we are to try and schedule the trip from Asia directly to ABJ, I would like to get my arrival photos.  If I get tied up in Asia, then Fiorina may come directly from the US, so please send both sets.


We had a big party in advance of the wedding – here are a couple of shots.


Fiorina, for reasons I don’t understand, changed her pretty blond hair color to brown.  I guess its for the winter.  Which do you prefer?




This is another picture of Fiorina.  Doesn’t really look at all like the first one, but, nothing like the group I have planned coming up…


Date:  Fri, 24 Oct 2003 23:01:33 +0200

Subject:  Re:Update to our discussion

From:  "sammy_ug" <[email protected]

To:  "wuphystme" <[email protected]>


Daddy Will,


We received your letters and was very happy to hear from you though it was not easy for us to write you back. I saw the picture of the party and it was asif we were there with you people. I am very happy for your daugther.


Regarding your question concerning the security company, I don't think there is any other expenses from the previous one we discussed because everything is stated clearly in the agreement. The only thing left is your Hotel reservations here which i do not know if you will like us to do it for you or you will do that by yourself. Then you will have to bring some presents for me and my sister here. Infact we are very happy.


we took the pictures today and the photographer asked us to come and collect it on monday morning. Immediately we pick up the picture we will send it to you on monday.As for Fiorina she can make her choice of hair stlye, there is no problem.


Please i think it will be important we have your phone numbers and that of Fiorina so that we can discuss with you a while before you make your trip out to Asia. then we can be calling Fiorina even if you are not at home. We will like to bring our distance with your family nearer through telephone calls.It will also establish a more cordial relationship between us.



We can not express our heart full of joy that God brought you in our life.Please receive our sincere greetings and God bless you. Extend our regards to Fiorina.




samuel Karba.

NB: We will like to see more picture of the party and the wedding.



Alrighty, then.  More wedding pictures and commentary coming right up, featuring Dr. Frank N Furter, Columbia, Brad and Janet.  Maybe this will start the clue-meter clicking.



Date: Mon, 27 Oct 2003 09:41:44 -0800 (PST)

From: "William Ulysses Phystme" <[email protected]>

Subject:  Re:Update to our discussion

To: "sammy_ug" [email protected]




What a wedding.  I’m still recovering from it, but was very happy to get your email.


Looking at the young folks was incredible.  Even an old single guy can get into it, it seems.


It's astounding.  You realize that time is fleeting; Madness takes its toll, but not for very much longer.


I tried to keep control, but it was like I was in a time-warp -

Drinking those moments when the Blackness would hit me and the void would be calling...Sammy, I have to do the time-warp again.


The kids all danced all night. 


They took a just a jump to the left.  And then a step to the right.  They stood with their hands on their hips. And brought their knees in tight.  But, it was the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane. 


Boy the dancing is not like when I was younger.  And the party afterward was really interesting.  Maybe got out of hand a bit, but it sure was fun.  Beats my corporate parties.  Here are some more photos, as you requested.


When my head clears a bit more, I’ll get back to you with more info.  Still recovering.


Daddy Will.


HOT DAMN!  Sammy got on it and sent the first batch of photos.  Now, this came in just while I was sending the very fine and fun wedding shots (credits to the Rocky Horror Picture Show), so really curious as to the next letter.


Date: Mon, 27 Oct 2003 18:21:16 +0100


From: "sammy_ug" <[email protected]>

To: "wuphystme" <[email protected]>


Daddy Will,


To be frank with you we really appreciate all your effort towards this

transaction, We pray that our God will suply all your needs according

to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Daddy we are realy grateful.


We hope the wedding was successful according to the expectation we are

really happy for fiorina and her husband we wish them happy and

prosparious wedlock. To God be the glory.


Like i earlier said in my previous mail that we will to have your

telephone number for will make the distance between us

nearer. we will use the opportunity to congratulate Fiorina since we are not

present on  the wedding ceremony. i know it was a wonderful experience

in her whole life. Daddy i can imagine how happy you are , we all wish

to meet each other very soon.God bless you all real good is our prayer.

Jenate is not feeling fine,though she has been taking treatment from

the hosipital in the camp.


Thank you sir for every thing you have done God will bless all your


Waiting to hear from you soonest .





sammy & Jenate.


NB: You reach us through our Pastors number +225 0500 0892.

As requested, here is Will U Phystme




And Phystme-Hardendeep….

And Will U Phystme / Phystme-Hardendeep

OK, the following is the email back after Scammin Sammy received the nice shots of the Transexuals from Transylvania…


Date: Tue, 28 Oct 2003 16:06:55 +0100

Subject:  WE ARE HAPPY

From:  "sammy_ug" <[email protected]>

To:  "wuphystme" <[email protected]>


Daddy Will,


We are happy to see some of the picture of the wedding. It was marvelous and what a happy a day.  daddy i hope you received the picture we sent yesterday. Please confirm.


I will not disturb you much in writing to much until you recover very well. Left for me i will write until you ask me to stop expressingf the joy in us here. we are not there physically but are there in spirit with you.


Do not forget to send your telephone numbers and that of Fiorina. Extend our wrm regards to all.




Samuel & Jenate


Hmmmmm.  The Clue-meter didn’t budge.  Even after the dubious photos, he is still “happy”.  Sadly, my time in this is running out, so must draw this to a close.  But, can’t resist another shot at Andy (Hardendeep) Fastow.


Date:  Thu, 30 Oct 2003 10:27:01 -0800 (PST)

From:  "William Ulysses Phystme" <[email protected]>

Subject:  Re: WE ARE HAPPY

To:  "sammy_ug" <[email protected]>


Sammy -


A disaster.


Just after the wedding, I was contacted by the police.


Our CFO has embezzled all of our funds. I don't know where they are, but he said something about a lockbox in Lagos.


It seems Richard (Dick) Harndendeep penetrated Phystme Colonics, and emptied us out. Clean as a whistle, nothing is left.


I can't believe that someone who partied like him (see another photo from the wedding) could do that. But, here he is being led away by the police (see photo).


Feel free to call me at (313) 965-zzzz if you need to.

This is the FBI’s field office in Detroit.


Disregard the receptionist - it's a shared office building, but ask for my “agent”, Mr. Xxxxxxx.


Once you reach him, ask for "Will U Phystme, please". I am housed in the conference room 419S Cammer.


All for now.



Well, I figured the last round here would have tipped this clown off, but did want to keep him warm a bit longer.  I was wondering how his chat with the FBI agent would have gone.  Time for real life stuff.


Date:  Mon, 3 Nov 2003 15:31:34 -0800 (PST)

From:  "William Ulysses Phystme" <[email protected]>

Subject:  Haven't heard back

To:  [email protected]


Dear sonny Sammy:

Have not heard from you. I'm sure you are stunned as am I.

Boy, what a shock to learn that the company is in a hard position.

Please update me on your side. Now, more than before, access to your funds is needed. But, given our situation, I might need to discuss a loan from you in addition to the assistance commission.

Luckily, my far east agent, Mr. Fah Qu, has offered to put forth some reasonable amount of money in the short term.


Please advise.

Daddy Will

William Ulysses Phystme
Phystme Colonics
"Our job is to give you a hand"


Date:          Tue, 4 Nov 2003 16:21:54 +0100

Subject:     urgent advise

From:                    "sammy_ug" <[email protected]>

To:                    "wuphystme" <[email protected]>


Dear Daddy Will


sorry for my late responce and for the bad news to be frank with you i

dont no what to do next bad time, are you saying that you can't make

the trip agian? let me no so that we can look for another attanative to

see how best we cold get and please call me with this number as soon as

you receive this mail i told my pastor about you and your commitments

to help us in this transaction their is some thing important to

discourse which i will not like to disclose on net. +225-05-00-08-92.


await you urgent responce.



Date:  Thu, 20 Nov 2003 09:34:09 +0100

Subject:  Update to our discussion

From:  "sammy_ug" <[email protected]>

To:  "wuphystme" <[email protected]>














Real life was actually quite busy and had not even checked in to see what Scammin Sammy was up to.  Actually, quite surprised to find a recent mail.  Lets see if we can breathe some life back into this and piss him off at the same time.



Date:  Wed, 26 Nov 2003 20:36:27 -0800 (PST)

From:  "William Ulysses Phystme" <[email protected]>

Subject:  Re: Update to our discussion

To:  "sammy_ug" <[email protected]>


Sonny Sammy,

The last weeks have been horrible. With the arrest of Dick Hardendeep, my poor Fiorina Phystme is very upset and is filing for divorce. Once again she will only be a Phystme, but not Hardendeep.


We can begin our discussion again, but will have to wait until after the holiday here. Its Thanksgiving. Here is what we plan on eating:


2 Turkeys

4 Steaks (New York cut, very thick and juicy)

3 Ducks

Big bowl of mashed potatoes

Lots of sweet potatoes

Green beans

8 loaves of bread with fresh butter

Roasted corn

Fresh peaches and oranges

And a fine selection of wines.


Unfortunately, this great feast will only be shared between Fiorina and me. I wish you could be here to enjoy it with me.


By the way, did you have a chance to call my agent? He never mentioned anything to me. Sometimes I think he is pretty lazy. You should call him and tell him so.


Here is a nice thanksgiving toast...its been in my family for years.


Heres to you and here's to me

May we never disagree

If we do, however, then

Fuck you, and here's to me.


Its a bit crude, but its been in the family for a long time. It is in the spirit of the great AMERICAN entrepreneurs, of which we are of course descendants. I only wish you could follow in our large footsteps.



Date:  Thu, 27 Nov 2003 19:40:19 +0100

Subject:  SAMUEL.

From:  "sammy_ug" <[email protected]>

To:  "wuphystme" <[email protected]>










Sammy’s gotten snippy.  Not sure what “morking” is, but I guess he didn’t dig the Kozlowski-style feast.  Didn’t even put in a vodka pissing statue.  However, personal time is still maxed and so this will be the winddown for Sammy.  Lets see if he finally begins to get it.


Date: Sat, 29 Nov 2003 23:12:17 -0800 (PST)

From: "William Ulysses Phystme" <[email protected]>

Subject: Re: SAMUEL.

To: "sammy_ug" <[email protected]>




Listen up Junior and remember who contacted who here.  I have no idea if I am “morking” you or not, since, I have no idea what the word means.  Buy a goddam dictionary.


Since you are worried about your expenses, its time for remedial business lessons:


Lesson 1:  Investment:  time or money you put into something.

Lesson 2:  Return on Investment:  what you hope to get out of your investment.

Lesson 3:  You have to spend money to make money.

Lesson 4:  (this is an advanced lesson)…Understand the role of the parties in a transaction.


Let’s apply these lessons to our situation.


You, the inexperienced entrepreneur, solicit me and about a bazillion other people with a pathetic and obvious scammer proposal.  You plan on making a trivial investment (see Lesson 1) in the hopes of getting a BIG Return on Investment (see Lesson 2).  You hope to skate by Lesson 3, and really missed Lesson 4 in such a big way.


Translation:  You spammed as many folks as you could with a limp little plan also known (at least in Nigeria) as a 419 Advanced Fee Fraud.  You wanted to find some ignorant saps who would provide a quick trip to easy money and not spend anything to do it.  You missed the lesson 4 – understanding the roles of the parties:  Let’s spend a moment here.  William Phystme does not exist.  Nor does anyone else.  They are just a bunch of fiction just like your idiotic scheme.  So, you put time and money into this, didn’t get anything out of it that you wanted.  Your Return on Investment (lesson 2) sucks.


I, on the other hand, have had to put very little into this and have had a total blast with this.  As have many others.  Unlike you, I understood roles of the parties – you are a scammer, and I was someone who wanted to screw with one for a while.  I got everything I wanted out of this – including a nice collection of pictures of you wearing some dopey Nipsy Russell looking clothes and holding some very stupid and rude signs (Will you fist me hard and deep)  - yes, scammy, that is how it is pronounced.    My Return on Investment on this little charade is great.


I really have to ask, though, does anyone fall for your  lame shit? 

Who would believe a box in storage for $50/day?  And just fly into the Ivory Coast – fat chance.



But, Scammy, take heart.  You are not alone.


Hundreds of other dipshit scammers have also been featured entertainment    Please visit to see the whole thing.  All of our email is posted there for the whole world to laugh at.  But, you can  be proud in that at least you made the front page of a website.  You can show it off to your other scammer friends in the cybercafe.  But don’t show it to your mommy – she might take away your computer for a while.  Go to school.  Get a job.  Leave the scamming to the American pros like those assholes Dennis Kozlowski and Andew Fastow – or study them carefully and learn, if that’s what you want to be.


Laughing heartily, I remain….